parenting

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6 Things This Dad Got Wrong During Pregnancy

November 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm , by 

Eleven months.

Above photo credit: www.joehendricks.com

Now that my son Jack is just days away from turning a year old, I’m having these flashbacks from when my wife was pregnant with him. I remember how people were constantly asking me about our plans for his delivery and postpartum care. Looking back now, I wish I would just kept my mouth shut.

My wife and I are planners. Sure, so much of life (especially when it comes to parenting!) is unpredictable; but still, we like to be able to take control of little we can in our lives. So we had plans on how Jack would be born and raised. But as John Lennon sang in “Beautiful Boy,” “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” And that is exactly what happened in our case.

Life (our son) happened while we were busy making other plans. Here are the Top 6 plans that didn’t work out:

1) No epidural. We watched The Business of Being Born and wanted to do this thing as naturally as possible. We knew that statistically, a woman who is given an epidural has an increased chance of needing a C-section. So my wife decided (on her own) that she would not get an epidural unless it become absolutely necessarily.

After enduring 17 and a half hours of labor naturally, we were told that if my wife didn’t get an epidural, she would definitely have to have a C-section because she wouldn’t have enough strength to deliver him.

Five hours later, our son was born. In case you’re keeping up with the math, it was a 22 and half hour labor, only five of those hours being drug-induced. Just for the record, I could never have done that! That’s why I was born a man.

2) Breast milk only; no formula.  Jack was born tongue tied, so breast-feeding wasn’t much of an option because he couldn’t latch on properly. We did have his tongue clipped when he was three weeks old, but at that point we just decided to continue pumping and supplemented with Enfamil until he was nine weeks old; at which point we switched him entirely over to formula.

3) That he would be born early or on his due date.  I knew I had to be ready, so I was; as ready as I could be. All that anticipation caused me to actually think he would come out on time. But of course, though he was due on November 11th, he was born five days later on November 16th.

4) Cloth diapers. Yeah, that would have saved us a lot of money. But I guess we’re just not disciplined enough of parents to raise an exclusively cloth diaper wearing baby. They were too bulky, they leaked if they weren’t on just right, and they made Jack smell bad by the end of the day.

5) Co-sleeping. Mainly, Jack just didn’t want to. He fell asleep better in his Pack ‘N Play, so that’s what we let him do. I admit, I’m glad I was wrong about this one. Because it sure is nice that since being seven months old, he has slept 11 hours a night in a separate room down the hall. I love my Jack-Man, but I don’t think my bed is big enough for the both of us.

6) Pacifers. Evidently, Jack thinks that pacifers suck. He experimented with one for a brief amount of time, but ultimately, he couldn’t pretend enough to even care about having it. Granted, he has put his mouth on a whole lot of other stuff, including a closed water bottle, a pumpkin, and his own foot.

In the midst of planning this blog post, Shawn Brook Williams, one of the graphic designers for Comics Buyer’s Guide magazine, sent me a copy of his graphic novel, Five Pounds and Screaming. His comic book style novel covers those subtle and understated moments a dad goes through, from the realization of pregnancy up until the child’s first birthday. So that’s why reading Five Pounds and Screaming was so perfect in writing this post; it conveniently jogged my memory.

I feel that Shawn and I share a very similar perspective and narrative on fatherhood. The book doesn’t cover being a dad in the cliche ways that Eighties sitcoms typically did. His approach is fresh, original, charming, and warmly familiar.

One of the most memorable scenes in the book, for me, is when the protagonist brags to a supermarket cashier, “I’m a dad!” This stood out to me because I remember doing the same thing the first couple of weeks after Jack was born.

From the telling of the family of the pregnancy, to the anxieties of expecting, to the frustrations of breast feeding, to the child’s first birthday party, Five Pounds and Screaming is like an illustrated version of The Dadabase.

 

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The Unimaginable Thought of Losing Your Child

November 12, 2011 at 8:47 am , by 

Eleven months.

Yesterday I had to leave work about an hour early to pick up my son Jack from KinderCare: He had a temperature of 103. I knew that because he was still playful, still eating, and not showing any other signs of distress, this would be a “give him fever reducer” solution and not a “take him to the doctor” kind of thing.

But still, there’s something about knowing your child is not well that is undeniably unnerving; the thought that saving your child is not immediately up to you.

Sure, I can protect him from certain things. Admittedly, perhaps I’m overprotective: I won’t let the little guy watch TV or even drink juice. (Yeah, I one of those kind of parents!)

I’ve tried to imagine what I would do if something ever happened to him. How would I psychologically deal with that? Would I be the kind of dad that literally loses his mind if he lost his son? I want to believe that my son will outlive me. It’s both morbid and realistic to think about these dark situations, but occasionally, when I catch myself off guard, I do.

However, the world is full of parents who literally have had to lose their child, including Ruthe and Michael Rosen, whose 14-year old daughter, Karla, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.

But they decided to turn their pain into purpose.

They transformed Karla’s courage and solid optimism into a legacy of community service when they founded The Let It Be Foundation. It’s a nonprofit organization that helps families with children who have been diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses.

The Let It Be Foundation provides services including opportunities for family recreation, housekeeping, grocery shopping and meals, and help in meeting the needs of the child’s siblings. This assistance enables the children and their families to maintain a sense of normalcy at home as they battle the most serious illnesses. So far, The Let It Be Foundation has brought comfort, hope, and joy to families throughout Southern California, and is now in the process of expanding its presence nationwide.

To pass on the meaningful lessons she learned from living with Karla’s cancer, Ruthe also wrote Never Give Up: How to Find Hope and Purpose in Adversity (Cypress House, Sept. 2011), a brave story of faith, hope, and joy in the face of the unimaginable. The book follows Karla’s cancer journey and her unwavering optimism, inspiring readers to turn pain into purpose. Proceeds will benefit families served by The Let It Be Foundation.

 

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5 Things that are Cuter When a Baby Does Them

November 9, 2011 at 11:51 pm , by 

Eleven months.

Babies can get away with so much that we adults never could. Since they’re too young to realize they are breaking the rules of adult social expectations, their behavior is not only excused, but it also becomes slightly hilarious entertainment. Based on the things I’ve observed my 11 month old-son do in public, here are the top 5 things he does that are cute because he does them, but if I did them, I would be a moron.

1) Stumbling around the room for the fun of it. My son Jack has recently learned to walk; though technically I should call it toddling. I can’t remember the last time I stood in the middle of a crowded room and laughed and grunted as I stumbled 12 feet into every direction for no apparent reason. If I did that, it would be (and should be) assumed that wasn’t oregano on my pizza.

2) Wearing pajamas as normal attire. I see what my kid gets to wear everyday, and frankly, I’m jealous. Essentially, he wears a glorified version of pajamas every single day. Every day is Casual Friday for him… really, really casual.

3) Making a mess with food. You know all those “roadhouse style” restaurants where you get to throw the peanut shells on the floor? That’s every meal that my son eats. He eats his food until he’s no longer hungry; which at that point, the leftover food becomes a toy. Or maybe he pretends he’s throwing candy from a float in a parade.

4) Putting things in his mouth that just fell on the floor. Okay, I admit, I’m not jealous about this one. Heck, I’ve watched him lay down and lick the floor itself for fun. To him, the floor is not dirty; it evidently tastes like Skittles and makes everything that falls onto it taste like a rainbow as well. It’s the modern version of the Midas Touch.

5) Passing gas. I’ve been a dad for nearly a year now and so far, I’ve never been able to resist laughing when Jack releases a fluffy air biscuit- especially when he does it at church. Actually, maybe this should have been #1, now that I think about it. I guess the question is this: Which is worse, to seem like you’re crazy or to be rude?

Well, if you’re a baby, you’re neither. Instead, you’re cute either way!

1 Comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

New Book: Heaven is for Real for Kids

November 9, 2011 at 10:51 pm , by 

Eleven months.

By now, there’s a good chance you’ve heard the buzz about the New York Times #1 bestseller, Heaven is for Real; or you’ve at least seen this clip from The Today Show where Colton Burpo tells Matt Lauer about his experience:

When Colton was only three years old, he underwent an emergency surgery; during which he claims he went to Heaven and saw his great-grandfather and Jesus. More intriguing though, is that he met his older sister who he never even knew about; his mother miscarried a few years before Colton was born.

As of yesterday, Heaven is for Real became available in a kids’ version. Essentially, the book was written by Colton himself and features illustrations by Wilson Ong.

I like how every time you turn the page, there is a paragraph telling about something else Colton saw, which is accompanied by a Bible verse verifying the validity of what of what he witnessed.

Heaven is for Real for Kids is a perfect guide for parents who want to engage their children in conversations about Heaven. At the end of the book, there is a question and answer session with Colton, as well as, photographs of him with his family.

This is a book that personally, I highly recommend. Because it is based on the account of Colton, it is not merely another piece of children’s fiction. For the regular version of this story to have become a #1 bestseller, there is obviously something engaging and special about it.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting, Storytelling

Red Hot Chili Peppers for Babies?

November 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm , by 

Eleven months.

After listening to nothing but the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ newest album in the car for the past two weeks straight, I switched to the mellow, non-consumerism theology of Jack Johnson. But my son didn’t like that very much.

You might think that I am 43 and my son is 13. Actually, I’m only 30 and he’s just eleven months old.

Something funny about my son is that he has never been able to chill out and go to sleep when confronted with appropriate lullabies and soft music. As a newborn, it took Taylor Swift’s upbeat and rockin’ album, Speak Now, to soothe him into Slumberland.

Several months later as I began driving him to daycare, he needed any given Weezer album playing in the car. And it’s been that way since July.

But a couple of weeks ago, I found the Red Hot Chili Peppers newest album, I’m With You, at Best Buy for 10 bucks. Since then, my son Jack has to have it playing on the stereo speakers.

If I try to trick him and switch to something like Jason Mraz, he wakes up and starts crying. So Red Hot Chili Peppers it is; for a total of 80 minutes a day as I chauffeur him to and from KinderCare; I work just down the block from his daycare.

Jack is such a laid-back little boy. But he makes up for it in his refusal to easily fall asleep when he needs to. It’s a struggle- always has been.

In fact, I depend on those daily naps he gets during the car ride. So if it takes a funk rock or punk rock, or even ’80′s rock to get the job done, I’m all for it.

I guess there’s just something about steady bass lines and up-tempo drum beats that help him relax enough to forget about the fact he would rather be exploring the world; especially now that he can toddle. (He turns a year old a week from today and will officially become a toddler.)

So if you’re looking to catch a ride with Jack and I, you better believe we’ll be jammin’ to the beat of “The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie.”