parenting

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

The Toddlers’ Beat Poet Society Of Nashville

June 4, 2012 at 8:28 pm , by 

A year and a half.

You’ve met Jack’s friends Henry and Sophie before. Well, this past Saturday morning all of us parents decided to get together so we could see how our kids play in an environment with each other outside of their daycare.

After a delicious and glorious breakfast at Henry’s house, Henry’s dad suggested we could check out the “drum circle” going on just a few blocks away.

Honestly, I had no idea what a drum circle was, but it sounded random and therefore enticing… so it was fine by me.

The nine of us made our way to a white tent, covering a man playing a giant bongo drum. In his midst were plenty of chairs for visitors and various sized of bongos for us all to play on.

I guess the concept is that you just show up and drum along to the beat, letting friendly conversations and positive vibes do the rest.

Henry and Sophie seemed to get it. As for Jack, he was more of a skeptic. The tambourine seemed to be more his speed; of course while holding a yellow car he snatched from Henry’s house.

“Jack is like the old man telling the hippies to get out of his yard playing that crazy music,” Henry’s dad pointed out.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

I did think it was funny how while we were there, it was pretty much just us parents and toddlers. The event was similar to many of the scenes in the movie Garden State.

If only Jack were able to remember going to the drum circle when he was 18 months-old, he would say, “Hey dad, remember that time we went to that weird tent where that guy was playing a drum for no reason and we all were supposed to play along? Well, what was that all about? And weren’t Henry and Sophie there too?”

As I tell this story now, it sounds more like a strange dream; which is how most of my childhood memories remain in my mind.

But really, it was the perfect morning. What better way to spend it than with friends all trying something exciting and new… and random.

Those kinds of memories are the best. Shared experiences that in hindsight seem abstract and even pointless.

That’s what adds character to friendship; even for toddlers.

Not to mention, it was free to go to the drum circle. Not even an awkward tip jar.

Even better.

Encore, anyone?

For more pictures of The Toddlers’ Beat Poet Society, I invite you to check out The Dadabase’s Facebook page.

It’s always a good place to get a sneak peak at what’s going on. You’ll even be invited to give me input and advice for upcoming articles.

Peace out, fellow parents.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Are Caucasians More Likely To Do Attachment Parenting?

June 3, 2012 at 9:59 pm , by 

A year and a half.

By using my administrator tools for The Dadabase last week, I discovered that some random person found The Dadabase by Googling, “Why do Caucasian parents share their bed with their kids?”

Accordingly, I want to thank that mysterious parent of Asian, African, or Middle Eastern descent for helping me realize something about myself:

I’m a Caucasian (mostly) and therefore I’m more likely to be involved in attachment parenting. That includes, but is not limited to, the following:

The anti-circumcision movement, co-sleeping, natural childbirth, home birth, breastfeeding, homeschooling, support of organic and local foods, and babywearing.

Until this week, I never put it together that attachment parenting is largely a white people thing. And when I say “white people” I don’t mean it in neither a superior nor a derogatory way.

It was about two years ago that I read the satirical blog and book, Stuff White People Like, which helped me differentiate the cultural quirks of Caucasian Americans compared to the minorities.

(Granted, most of us are aware that Caucasians are the minority of the world and eventually will soon no longer be the majority of America.)

So to quench my curiosity on the connection between Caucasians and attachment parenting, I asked my readers, via The Dadabase Facebook wall. The most interesting answer I received was this:

“I’ve been a nanny/caregiver for over 20 years and your question about parenting styles of different races is interesting. I have seen different styles between the white, Hispanic, black and Asian people I’ve worked for. The co-sleeping for example was allowed in the white and Hispanic families but not in the black families; VERY prohibited in the Asian family. The co-sleeping families even wanted their children to sleep with me when staying overnight but the other families would have flipped at that suggestion.”

There. It’s confirmed. Caucasians are more likely to be involved with attachment parenting. (See Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character in the movie Away We Go, between 1:25 and 1:40 of the clip featured at the bottom of this article.)

But as some pointed out on The Dadabase Facebook wall, it’s not so much about race as it is about culture. Good point.

I’m in the middle of reading an awesome book calledMicrotrends, which opened my mind a bit to something I never really had thought about before:

“Race scholars contend that race is an experience, not a fact.”

Here in Nashville, it is quite common to see Chinese girls adopted by Caucasian parents, who interestingly pass onto to them their Southern accents. As those girls grow into teens and adults, are they truly Asian in any cultural sense whatsoever?

Am I any less “white” just because my maternal grandmother is a dark-complected Mexican? Technically, I’m something like 75% white. But the fact I eat hot sauce with every single meal is something I picked up from my Caucasian dad, not my Hispanic grandma.

The real question is, how culturally Caucasian am I? If it’s in regards to Caucasians and their link to attachment parenting, then I would say I’m a lot less white than I used to be.

My wife and I started out being all about having a natural birth, exclusively breastfeeding, using cloth diapers, mostly co-sleeping… all that good stuff. Yeah, none of that actually worked out for us.

It’s pretty funny now; seeing that I’m huge advocate of incorporating the “cry it out” method.

But the three of us did become vegetarians along the way. So score a few “Caucasian points” for me on that one.

But over all, if attachment parenting is a Caucasian thing, then…

I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so!

 

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

What Are Your Biggest Parent Peeves?

June 2, 2012 at 7:08 pm , by 

A year and a half.

What things do you see other parents do that annoy you, even though they shouldn’t? Plus, what things should bother you, enough to speak up against them?

I have a few “parent peeves” that come to mind…

Like hearing another parent making empty threats of discipline to their obviously undisciplined kid:

“Preston, I’m never gonna take you out in public again. You’re gettin’ a butt whoopin’ when you get home and Santa Clause isn’t gonna visit you this Christmas!”

Or watching a parent give their toddler a 24 ounce caffeinated soda.

My biggest one is medicating a toddler for ADHD or hyperactivity. But I’ve already preached my sermon on that one…

When should these things bother us as compared to when it’s none of our business? How do we know it’s our responsibility to butt in and try to do something about it?

Recently I asked whether we should really care what other parents think about us. Well today, I’m asking why (and when) we should care how other parents do their job.

To help answer these questions, I have designed a system for figuring that out and I want to share it with you today:

Superficial disagreement- A difference of petty opinion or personal preference. Action required: Think to self, “Hmm… that’s weird. That’s not how I would do it.”

Personal disagreement- A difference of opinion so strong it offends you. Action required: Write a Facebook status update or blog entry generically dissin’ it.

Moral disagreement- A difference of moral viewpoint. Action required: Personally confront the parent or the authorities.

I think all parent peeves fall into one of those 3 categories and it’s a matter of sorting out which action should follow on our behalf.

To demonstrate, I’ll throw you a few examples:

A parent calls their kid an idiot in the school parking lot.

A parent slaps their kid on their face at the park.

A parent lets their kids run around and play loudly in the department store.

A parent uses the “cry it out” method on their 4 month-old.

A parent lets their now 3 year-old sleep in the bed every single night with them.

You get the idea. What’s interesting is that I’m pretty sure there are parents to defend either side of each of those examples.

So ultimately, it comes to a case of good old-fashioned relative morality.

Yes, I’ve had people defend the one of slapping their kid on the face. I was told that internationally it’s not a big deal.

Your turn. What are your biggest parent peeves?

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

My Son, The 80′s Child Actor: Jared Rushton?

June 1, 2012 at 11:10 pm , by 

A year and a half.

Does my son look like the best friend from the movie Big?

In the summer of 1988, my mom took me to see my first non-kids’ movie, Big, starring Tom Hanks.

I remember the anticipation the week leading up to going to the cinema: I didn’t really care what the movie was about.

All I knew was this was the first time my mom wanted to go see a movie on her own initiative and wanted to see it with me, so I was happy to join her even though the main character wasn’t a talking animal or at least a Muppet.

Turns out, Big has remained one of my very favorite movies ever, ever, ever.

Very easily I could write a blog post called “10 Reasons That Big Is One Of The Best Movies Of The Eighties.”

If I did, one of the reasons I would list was Tom Hanks’ interactions with Jared Rushton, the child actor who played his best friend, Billy Kopecki.

For me, the movie just wouldn’t be the same if it weren’t for that scene were Jared Rushton starts crying when he realizes that Tom Hanks really is the grown-up version of his best friend.

So I think it’s really interesting that within the past few months, I’ve had two people who don’t even know each other, tell me that my son Jack “looks like the best friend from Big.”

After going through the first 9 pages of Google images for “Jared Rushton Big” I admit I see the resemblance. It’s very subtle, but I  also think it’s undeniable.

I mean, all of the random actors in all the movies in history, for two separate people to pinpoint “the best friend from Big” as my son’s look-alike, I think there must be something to it.

It would really be interesting if in a few years Jack starts resembling Jared Rushton even more.

What do you think? Do you see it?

And if the real Jared Rushton is out there reading this, now at age 38, I’d appreciate your input on this as well.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Dads Telling Their Kids “I Love You”

May 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm , by 

A year and a half.

There’s no denying it. An active and involved dad in a kid’s life is a big deal.

But beyond the bare minimal cliches like showing up for ball games and ballet recitals is a dad who cares enough to tell his kids “I love you.”

And “I’m proud of you.” Regularly.

I think about the token Freudian question, “How is your relationship with your father?”

Surely we are all aware that where there is anger or mistrust or distance or absence in regards to one’s father, there is a higher risk for a tougher version of life in general for that individual.

I’ve pointed out before in “The Positive Re-branding Of Fatherhood” that today’s modern American dad is either very much a part of his children’s lives or he is completely not in the picture at all. The typical Generation X and Y dads are not likely to fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

Therefore, I think it’s safe to say that a dad who is in the picture is not afraid to emotionally express those words that every child needs to hear.

As for our own dads and their dads, were they told “I love you” by their own fathers? From what I’ve gathered from real life conversations and movies starring Kevin Costner, I am led to believe the answer is no.

I don’t think I’m odd for telling my son I love him and for kissing him on the cheek at least a handful of times each day.

That’s normal and expected. And though I won’t kiss him in public as I’m dropping him off for school by the time he’s in Junior High, my physical and verbal affection for him will still remain strong.

It’s interesting to try to sort out what is masculine as opposed to what deserves a man card being pulled.

(I tried writing a blog post about it once but it turned out really lame, so please don’t go back and read it because I’m very embarrassed by it! I so seriously wish I could delete it from The Dadabase.)

So while I will admit I’m not the kind of dad who will likely become “that dad” in worst of ways, embarrassing and emasculating my son in front of his friends by overly expressing my easily earned love and approval for him, he will be able to give a positive and endearing answer when it comes to answering the question:

“How is your relationship with your father?”