parenting

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Taking My Toddler Out For Coffee… I Mean, “Fluffy”

October 5, 2012 at 12:22 am , by 

22 months.

When you’re a vegetarian, with a toddler, it’s beyond pointless to “go out to eat.”

Can I pay $12 for pasta with veggies while my antsy toddler battles a meltdown because he’s strapped into a chair in a crowded, public place?

Ah, thanks, but no thanks.

So instead, we go out for coffee. Yes, four dollar coffee.

And no, we’re not impressed thatMcDonald’s won the blind taste test for its coffee or whatever.

We actually own an espresso maker, but part of the fun in fancy coffee is having someone else make it for you.

By now, it’s pretty much our tradition on Saturday mornings to start out the day right at a new place in Nashville called The Well.

(It’s actually a non-profit joint that buys clean water for people in the world who don’t have access to it.)

As you can see in the picture above, we get our son Jack a serving of whipped cream.

He calls it his “fluffy.”

Of course, we also tend to make an appearance at that other place you may have heard of, Starbucks. In fact, anytime we drive by one, Jack recognizes the green and white logo and says, “I want fluffy!”

Usually, he gets his fluffy. Because that means we get our coffee.

Part of the allure of coffee shops is the laid back, jazz-infused, sophisticated atmosphere. It puts us the parents, as well as, our toddler son at ease.

Getting coffee (and fluffy) helps us to remember it’s the weekend, amongst all the catching up we have to do during those two days.

Jack can get away with exploring the inside of a lazy coffee shop much more easily than he could a busy restaurant.

Plus, he loves it because it’s the only time we ever let him eat anything with sugar in it.

So needless to say, he quietly enjoys his fluffy; no discipline required while we’re there.

He’s pretty Joe Cool about it.

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Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 2)

October 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm , by 

This is the continuation of Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 1)…

We live in a townhouse with a staircase leading up to our son’s room. A while back we used to talk about getting a “baby gate” to keep Jack from crawling up the stairs or falling down them.

But looking back now, we just haven’t got around to it, and I figured out why:

My wife and I have this default policy that we never let Jack wander into the next room without us.

But as little as he actually gets to see us, he doesn’t want to be in a room alone anyway.

So anytime Jack wants to climb up the stairs, one of us is right there with him, ready to brace his fall if he stumbles.

Sure, we let him run around free, outside. But only in a park, and we’re casually chasing him. Or in a racquetball court.

We love to see Jack explore the free world, as long as we’re right there with him the whole time.

I’ll say this: My parents were definitely not helicopter parents. Mainly because back in 1983 when I was Jack’s age, I wasn’t curious enough to try to stick car keys into an electrical socket.

That’s not to say Jack doesn’t know the concept of danger or has no real concept of boundaries, because he completely does.

But maybe he’s just a more curious kid than I ever was, and as his parent, I am overly aware of this.

Are my wife and I helicopter parents? I don’t know.

I’ll let you decide, based on what you’ve read about our style. I suppose it takes a third party to decide that.

But really, what does it take to qualify someone as a helicopter parent, anyway?

It’s not like Jeff Foxworthy has a joke series called “You might be a helicopter parent if…”.

That’s where you come in.

I would love your feedback on helping me get some good stereotypes, I mean, examples, of helicopter parents.

In fact, I think it would be pretty cool to write an article called “7 Token Signs You’re A Helicopter Parent.”

Okay, go…

 

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Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 1)

October 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm , by 

22 months.

Recently at my son’s daycare, I was asked by a fellow parent, “I’ve noticed you carry Jack out everyday instead of walking him out like the rest of us. Why is that?”

I didn’t know what to say.

Honestly, I had never thought about it before. I didn’t realize I was weird for not letting my son, who is now nearly half my height, to walk out to the car while holding my hand.

One answer that came to mind was that it’s too much trouble to get out of the building and into the car with him walking in the midst of distractions; that it’s just easier to carry him out.True…

But really, now that I’ve thought about it, I’d say the main reason I carry my nearly 2 year-old son into and out of day care each day is because it’s one of the rare times he actually likes me to be physically close to him; aside from wrestling him.

In other words, if you’re familiar with the book, The 5 Love Languages, my son’s is not physical touch.

However, he does this new thing now where as soon as I pick him up and start walking with him, he pats me on the back. It’s really sweet of him.

(I can’t believe I just said the word sweet. That’s so not my style.)

When I carry my son around, it’s like our designated “buddy time,” I guess.

But yes, it’s completely unnecessary, given that he’s been walking since I can’t remember.

So while it could just be that I enjoy our “man cuddle” time, yeah I know that sounds weird, it could be hinting at the fact that possibly, maybe, I might be a helicopter parent.

Let me unpack this theory, out loud.

When I think of the annoying phrase “helicopter parents,” it never has a positive connotation.

I think immediately of attachment parenting; something I never want to be associated with.

Why? Because I never want to be (or be seen as) an extremist, of any kind.

And when I think of helicopter parents, I think of extreme parents who are “a bit out there.”

With your feedback along with my self-analysis, I am going to try to figure out if my wife and I could possibly be considered helicopter parents.

You decide, after reading “Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 2).”

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Parents And Politics: Delaware’s New “Spanking Ban”

October 2, 2012 at 9:14 pm , by 

22 months.

Is the state of Delaware really banning spanking? Not exactly, but in theory, sort of.

Governor Jack Markell, a Democrat, passed Bill 234 last month, which contains an ambiguous phrase that I have conveniently copied and pasted for your convenience:

(j) “Physical injury” to a child shall mean any impairment of physical condition or

pain.

That’s why Bill 234 is controversial.

Because let’s face it: Spanking causes pain. That’s basically the whole point.

So it’s possible this bill could be interpreted that a parent could be breaking the law by causing pain to their child, via spanking.

Ouch.

How should we feel about that?

Immediately thoughts of “Oh no, now Big Brother is going to try to keep me from disciplining my own child!” come to mind.

The lines begin to blur regarding discipline and child abuse. What if other states adopt a similar bill?

When I hear a story like this, I remind myself what the root of it is. It’s not about whether or not spanking is wrong or right.

It’s about giving the government control over personal issues like this.

The question isn’t about spanking. The question is whether or not you support a “hands off” approach to government or a “decide what it is right for us, government” approach, instead.

Personally, I don’t believe in spanking. I raise my son with a strict, consistent method based on time-outs and taking away privileges, followed by clear communication with him explaining A) why his behavior merited the discipline and B) that I love him, then I hug him.

However, I support a parent’s right to spank their child. Because after all, who am I to stay that my method is better than spanking?

That’s not my call. Nor is it the government’s.

(Can you tell I’m a Libertarian?)

So as we approach this important Presidential election next month on November 6th, keep this mind:

You are voting for a political party and their ideologies, more so than a particular man.

Will you vote for a political party that lets the government decide how you discipline your own child, as well as,how many ounces of soda you can buy for your child when in New York City?

Or are you okay with making those decisions yourself?

 

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What’s Your Parenting Product Differentiation?

October 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm , by 

22 months.

What is that one fixation you have as a parent that you hope sets your child (your product) apart in a good way?

I’ve noticed that in my conversations and dealings with fellow parents of toddlers, we all seem to have some unique element regarding how we raise our kids, and therefore, have a certain expectation of how they will perform on their own.

For example, some parents are proud of the fact their child is advanced physically, being able to walk, run, and spin themselves dizzy before other toddlers of the same age can.

There are others who have been faithful to teach their child sign language since infancy, meaning that their toddler today has a more impressive vocabulary than the average Brayden or Avery out there.

I recently realized what my wife and I care most about when it comes to our 22 month-old son. Actually, two things: that he doesn’t have a snotty nose and that he’s not a brat.

The phrase “snot-nosed brat” is a familiar term in our society, with good reason.

Part of it is caused by parents making empty, theatrical threats of discipline, then not following through with them on their child. That’s one of my parenting pet peeves.

Our son Jack knows that if we say we are going to do something, then we are good on our word. We want to set a good example of integrity in our communication with him.

Time out means time out. No story before bedtime tonight means no story before bedtime tonight. “No applesauce until you finish your rice and beans” means… ah, well, you know the rest.

While it’s extremely important to my wife and me that our son has good manners and is well behaved, we also care a great bit about his hygiene, as we ourselves are pretty obsessed with being clean.

I guarantee you that you will never see Jack with a runny nose, as long as he is in our presence. His parental clean-up crew is there to swoop in with a wet Kleenex at any given moment.

At least, that’s what I would like to guarantee you.

As parents, we all inevitably focus on certain strengths in our child that outweigh perceived weaknesses; whether those perceived weaknesses are in our own minds or in American society’s collective expectations.

So while Jack may never be the most athletically, intellectually, or socially advanced, we definitely aim for him to have the driest nose and the most respectful attitude.

At least we can have that much.

We hope.