Nostalgia

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Hey! Scout, Want To Come To My House Today and Play?

October 6, 2013 at 4:17 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

On the drive to school Friday morning, I heard you turn on your LeapFrog cell phone and start talking to My Pal Scout:

“Hey! Scout, want to come to my house today and play?”

After the call ended, you explained to me, “Daddy, Scout’s coming over for dinner and he’s sleeping in my bed tonight!”

I wanted to make sure it actually happened, even if you forgot about it later on in the day.

As soon as we got home, I reminded you about Scout coming over.

You can see here in this picture, you gave Scout a reminder call about the plans for the evening.

Minutes later, the doorbell rang.

“Jack! Come answer the door! It’s for you!” I yelled out from the other room.

You screamed with amazement.

There he was… Scout was waiting for you near the doorstep!

(And he happened to be sitting on a paper towel, for some reason.)

As I opened the door for you and Scout, I could see how surprised you were that Scout actually showed up after you called him on the phone!

By the time you made your way to the living room to play with him, though, you asked me with a confused look on your face, “I have two Scouts? Daddy, will you go get my other Scout upstairs?”

Oops. Busted.

So I did my best to explain that was the same Scout.

For me, the whole thing was an experiment to see how much of the story you’d go along with.

I wanted to know if you knew the whole thing was pretend, tracing all the way back to when you called Scout that morning.

Even now, I’m not totally sure. I mean, I’m pretty sure you know that I was just perpetuating your story line.

Either way, I was committed to make your make-believe story come true.

You said Scout was eating dinner with us and sleeping in the bed with you. So I had to make sure Scout “followed” you around, from playtime…

…to dinner…

…to bedtime.

You and Scout had a fun sleepover Friday night and it’s all because you called him and invited him over!

Plus, I might have had a thing or two to do with it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

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What’s Mine (From The ’80s) Is (Now) Yours

September 25, 2013 at 11:03 pm , by 

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Would You Actually Remember Me At This Point?

September 20, 2013 at 8:05 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

I would like to believe that I will grow old with you. That’s definitely my goal.

But something I am forcing myself to think about is… what if I didn’t? What if right now, something happened to me?

Would you actually remember me at this point in your life?

Would you read these near daily letters I’ve written to you and simply think about how you sort of remember me?

Or is there any possiblity that our memories together have stuck with you enough that I’ll always be a part of you, without any visual prompts needed?

It’s a strange and sad thought for me because my life is consumed by you. I remember everything we do and say together.

What if you only had these letters to go by to know who I was? Have I been thorough and open enough so that you would know who I really am and what mattered to me?

And if not, what would I want you to know?

I hope it would be obvious that I loved you and Mommy more than anything; that my world would fall apart without either of you in it.

I hope you would be able to see that my faith in God was what my relationship with you and Mommy was built on, despite my shortcomings which often reveal themselves in these letters.

I hope there would be no question that I was an eccentric man who lived an interesting life. It matters to me that you know this about me, because I wish the same for you.

Well, I’m sure I could go on and on about what I would want you to know about me, about yourself at this age, and about life itself.

But again, I plan to be around a very long time. So if I get my wish, there will be plenty of more letters to write you in these decades to come. I’ll tell you all about it.

I love you.

 

Love,

Daddy

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You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone

September 12, 2013 at 9:46 pm , by 

2 years, 9 month.

Dear Jack,

They say that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone- that it’s easier to take good things for granted when you’re accustomed to them always being there.

Whoever “they” are, I think they make a good point about life.

I don’t want this to be the case with you. I don’t want to take you for granted.

This may sound morbid, but sporadically, I go to a very dark place in my mind, and imagine what life would be like if, suddenly, you weren’t here anymore.

I do believe in a literal hell. And for me, the dark and desperately lonely place in my mind of a life without you in it, is as close to the literal hell as I ever plan to be.

Yet I force myself to go there. I think it’s important for me to go through that mental and psychological exercise.

It’s almost as if I’m subconciously trying to jinx ever losing you, by doing this. It’s my way of feeling I can control the situation.

Though I know I can’t.

I realize it’s not that easy. I realize it’s not up to me; that every day you’re here is a gift from God.

Maybe this helps me understand why I like the movie, Vanilla Sky, with Tom Cruise, so much. Every time I watch it, I have this greater appreciation for my life being how it is right now.

It’s not tainted or maimed by some big tragedy. By now, I’ve finally had some events in my life that have scarred me a bit, but they haven’t cast a forever shadow like losing you would do.

There is more than one way to say, “I love you.”

I hope you can see that all this is just another weird way to say it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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A Time To Be Dizzy: To Everything, Turn! Turn! Turn!

September 10, 2013 at 11:48 pm , by 

2 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

I remember what it was like being about your age; thinking that spinning myself dizzy in the living room was like the coolest thing ever.

If I remember correctly, my parents would have to warn me to stop; mainly because they never knew what I was about to knock myself into and, therefore, knock over.

Well, that’s what’s new in your life right now. This is your “I want to see how dizzy I can get and still stand up” phase.

Sunday afternoon I watched you get the biggest thrill out of repeatedly spinning yourself dizzy as Thomas and Friends played in the background.

Again, I can relate to what you’re experiencing. That was me about 30 years ago. Now it’s you.

However, I think I killed enough brain cells doing it, that now, I can’t stand being dizzy.

It’s one of the most annoying things in the world, to me.

I get dizzy so easily that I nearly got dizzy following you around to take these pictures of you spinning. (Even just looking at these pictures is making me sort of dizzy!)

It was hard to get a good shot of you because you were spinning so fast!

But you’re a kid. You still think spinning around until you fall on the floor is a fun thing to do.

You might as well live it up, until you get your fill like I have.

Back in the 1980′s when I was a kid, there were such things as merry-go-rounds, which were a playground device that allowed several kids to spin on a moving wheel platform on the ground, while a few other kids pushed them as hard as they could.

Of course, I would always try to jump off while the merry-go-round was going its fastest. And I never got hurt.

I guess, though, some kids did, and their parents sued and won some good money. Because I haven’t seen a merry-go-round in about 20 years.

Oh well.

To everything there is a season. This is your season to be dizzy.

 

Love,

Daddy