Author: Family Friendly Daddy Blog

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Why This Dad is Over Eating Out

August 25, 2011 at 10:49 pm , by 

Nine months.

Dining out just isn’t the same when you have a nine month old who either needs a nap or is itching to crawl around on the floor the entire time.

Needless to say, I’m going through somewhat of an annoying time right now because I am a “good food” connoisseur. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a quiet, dinner at a classy Italian restaurant of my choice- like Carabba’s. Or even my favorite place in downtown Nashville: The Flying Saucer.

It’s dang near impossible to enjoy a nice meal out at a restaurant with my son, especially around lunch time as he is nearing his naptime. And it’s not his fault- he’s a baby. What business does he have in a restaurant where Chuck E. Cheese is nowhere to be found? The last time I was at a restaurant with him I became so frustrated that I decided I am over eating out with him until he is older.

Because either my wife or I has to let our food get cold as we walk him around the restaurant to keep him from getting upset.  After all, he truly is obsessed with crawling around and seeing different scenery.  I can’t fault him for that.  But at this point, I’d rather just eat at home.

For me, it’s simply just not worth the frustration. I recognize my lack of patience and my blood pressure’s habit of spiking when I have good food in front of me, that I am paying restaurant pricing for, but I can only sneak quick bites of it before Jack either A) gets upset or B) I do.

Fortunately, I am blessed in that my wife shares my same love of good food and drink. She is a wonderful cook whose menus cater to our health freak-conscious, kosher, Mediterranean food pyramid-themed dietary needs. So much of the time, I tell her I’d rather have her food than what we could get at a nice restaurant anyway.  And it’s true, without a doubt.

Not to mention, we have adopted the Millionaire Mindset. It’s hard to enjoy a $16 plate of pasta with chicken when you can make it yourself for less than four dollars and still have leftovers. Eventually the day will come when I can enjoy a nice meal out again. Until then, here’s to fine dining in our own kitchen.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting, Storytelling

Effectively Communicating in Marriage: The Jack Tripper Version

August 24, 2011 at 10:45 pm , by 

Nine months.

For certain, I am overly aware of all the things I’m not good at; a few of which include math and anything involving numbers, all home repairs, anything to do with cars, anything requiring athletic talent, navigating without getting completely lost, knowing when to say “my wife and I” versus “my wife and me,” and pretending to care about the newest “shocking” thing that Lady Gaga did, said, or wore.

But I do think one of my strengths is communicating and empathizing with other people; or at least it’s something I’ve gotten a lot better at in recent years. I keep in mind that when it comes to relating to others, it’s not a matter of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Instead, the rule is “do unto others as they would want you to do to them.” Because I can’t assume the other person is inspired by the same things I am. Instead, I have to put myself in their shoes.

It’s a matter of knowing what motivates and discourages other people.  It’s a matter of reminding myself that listening is typically more effective than speaking. People often need to be and feel understood before they will want to receive advice or instruction.

Despite me being hard-wired to always want to “fix the problem,” I have definitely improved my ability to sincerely listen to my wife when she airs out what is going through her head, without trying to save the day by providing a reasonable and logical solution; or even asking “what can I do to help?”  But I still have to remind myself that 99.987% of the time, listening itself is the best way to fix the problem.

But there are certain times where there actually is a legitimate issue that needs to be handled and my wife actually does need my help to fix it. She is keen and conspicuously clued in enough to know how to present the problem to me in a way that doesn’t come across as “nagging.” Instead, she knows that the best way to effectively communicate with me, in that instance, is to literally ask for my help. Because I always want to help her.  It makes me feel good as her husband.

We are not manipulating each other but instead are simply acutely aware of the way we need to be communicated with. And this concept doesn’t just apply to my marriage; it works for all relationships in my life: friends, family, coworkers, and even people I don’t even know that well.

Do I need to issue an obligatory disclaimer admitting that my wife and I have only been married for three years and therefore I have not earned the right to give out marriage advice? Am I only triggering some readers to respond with, “Well you just wait until you’ve been married longer…”?

I admit; I have far to go and much to learn. If I am an expert of any kind, it’s in not being an expert.

So I am just a normal guy having to figure out these things as I go, especially when it comes to marriage and fatherhood. Constantly I am realizing that if I only knew yesterday what I just learned today, things would be a lot less complicated and frustrating.

As a husband and father, I have a tendency to be as clumsy and misunderstood as Jack Tripper fromThree’s Company. Similarly, I also unintentionally make a habit of stumbling my way out of the current crisis within 30 minutes, right before “Come and knock on my door…” starts playing again for the closing credits. Maybe my life is just one big sitcom!

(Cue the laugh tracks.)

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Little Boys Live in Their Own Little World

August 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm , by 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

I am Dad, the Calm-Assertive Pack Leader

Nine months.

Knowing that my son will inevitably pick up on the vibes I put out there as I react to him, I make a conscious effort to be calm-assertive, as a dad. Here’s my own definition of calm-assertiveness: being cool, calm, and collected as well as being direct, assertive, and respectable.

I very much enjoy watching Cesar Millan’s TV show Dog Whisperer, as he teaches the importance of being a “calm-assertive” leader. It’s not only interesting to learn about how dogs were meant to be raised and trained, but also how a lot of what Cesar Millan teaches actually translates to human relationships. He himself has noted the comparison, being known for saying: “Humans are the only animals who will follow unstable pack leaders.”

The Dog Whisperer makes a great point about us humans needing stable, respectable leaders.  When we (as well as our children) do not have a confident, consistent, authoritative example to live by, we can become confused, angry, anxious, rebellious, spiteful, and/or apathetic. I know for a fact that I am wired to want to follow the best human examples out there. So I am always looking around the room to locate the “pack leader.”

Sometimes that means that I need to be that leader, when there is not a legitimate or active one present. I was also programmed to want to be in control, because often, my ability to control is necessary and needed for the structure of those around me; especially at work and at home.

I can’t allow my son to begin to believe that he is the pack leader; that he is the boss.  Sure, I know we parents may joke about our kids “ruling the roust” sometimes, but in all seriousness, there needs to be no doubt in my son’s mind who really makes and carries out the rules. It’s my job to make it clear that there are definite boundaries that must be respected.

When it comes to establishing those boundaries, part of my responsibility as a dad is to figure out the limits while considering my wife’s maternal input.  Undeniably, I must make the conscious effort to establish order and expectations for my son to live by.

Granted, my expectations are necessarily and realistically set as low as they need to be. But I refuse to be a dad without direction.

Thank you, Cesar Millan, for introducing me to the concept of the term “calm-assertive,” even though I’m not actually a dog person.

This post is a spin-off of “Putting My Paternal Instincts to Good Use.”

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Putting My Paternal Instincts to Good Use

August 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm , by 

Nine months.

My wife is without a doubt a very strong, confident, and independent woman. However, there are times when I need to take control of the situation, as I see signs of her becoming overwhelmed with daily events.

Most recently, I took control of our son’s inability to fall and stay asleep. My wife’s maternal instincts made it very difficult for her to try the “cry it out” method, so I used my paternal instincts and now, our son sleeps all the way through the night (7PM to 6:20 AM). And when I refer to my “paternal instincts,” I’m talking about my ability to strip away emotion for the purpose of practicality.

However, it would do me no good to always remain in “emotionless” mode.  Because a big part of being a leader is being able to truly understand where others are coming from; I have to be able to relate to them, emotionally. The word is “empathy.”  In order to be a good leader, I must make myself a humble servant who understands (or at least tries to understand) what it’s like on the other side.

Granted, I don’t want to be the President or a CEO of a huge corporation. But as a father, husband, and a guy who joins the work force everyday, there are constantly moments where I must use my leadership skills to be as proactive as the situation calls for.  And this all ties into my mission of positively re-branding fatherhood.  Because as I’ve said before, being a good father doesn’t simply mean “being there,” it means being both actively and emotionally involved in the lives of your spouse and children.

I remind myself how crucial it is to be cool, calm, and collected, as well as, to be direct, assertive, and respectable.  I even keep mental images in my head of both real and fictional people who I believe encompass calm-assertiveness, including but not limited to the following random examples: 2012 Presidential candidate Ron Paul, Don Draper (at work, not home) on Mad Men, Chris Harrison (as host of The Bachelor), Leonardo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (okay, so he’s not actually human), and perhaps the most calm-assertive man I’ve ever heard of, Jesus Christ.

Even as the writer of this blog, I believe in the importance of being calm-assertive. I realize that in the blog world, it’s important to be controversial and edgy in order to engage readers and gain a following.  Interestingly though, I have learned, especially here on The Dadabase, that often when I try to becontroversial and edgy, my efforts typically go unread, uncommented, and un-“liked.”

What seems to generate the most interest is when I write positively and directly about parenting. That is what has gotten readers excited in both agreeable and disagreeable ways.  Positively parenting with a sense of authority is controversial and edgy.

I believe there are a lot of people out there looking for a positive and proactive outlook in the parenting blog world.  I want The Dadabase to be the obvious go-to blog for that crowd.  I want my blog to be both a safe and realistic environment for other parents.  And I plan to do this by being a calm-assertive leader of the blogosphere.

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