Author: Family Friendly Daddy Blog

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If My Son Were a Girl

October 2, 2011 at 10:49 pm , by 

Ten months.

From the time we found out we were going to have a baby, up until the moment we actually discovered out the gender of our child, we never questioned the fact that we were going to have a girl. It somehow simply made the most sense in our minds: We’re not into sports, we’re nearly vegetarians, and most importantly, we had had our perfect girl name picked out since before we were even married.

Then, to our hilarious amazement, we were told we were going to have a boy. We weren’t at all disappointed, just in complete shock. That huge element of surprise actually made the pregnancy that much more exciting.

Fast forward to over a year later, and now whenever a stranger sees our son in Whole Foods Market or our church, the most reoccurring phrase we hear once they take a quick look at him is, “He’s all boy!“.

This past weekend we were having dinner with some new friends, who have a daughter several months older than our son, Jack. As they were both standing up, holding onto the same toy, the girl’s mom asked us if Jack is big for his age.

My wife Jill responded, “Yeah, he’s kind of a giant: 90th percentile for height and 75th for weight.”

It’s one thing to have a boy when we were expecting a girl, but another to have the baby equivalent of a 6’4″ linebacker. Or at least Will Ferrell. I love ironic humor; it makes life so interesting.

Despite being a very creative person, it’s not easy for me to imagine having a daughter, instead of a son. Jack is all I know. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I love his deep baby voice, his grunts as I wrestle with him and chase him around on the carpet, and the way that he and I share “deep thinking time” as I carry him on walks while my wife is preparing dinner. I love him so much.

If my son were a girl, the toy basket would be full of pink toys that play girly songs. I would probably use the word “princess” a lot. And I would have a child that passes a lot less gas… I  (incorrectly?) assume.

So the day may come when my wife and I have a daughter and get to use our cool secret name for her. But as for now, we don’t have a little princess. Instead, we have an adventurous Gummy Bear named Jack who is somehow the perfect balance of masculine and adorable.

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The Legend of the Happily Married Man

September 30, 2011 at 10:01 pm , by 

Ten months.

I am the kind of person who will go to quirky extremes to accomplish a mission that I have set my heart upon. In the process, that may mean that I am seen as fanatic, arrogant, or simply removed from reality and relevance. This is because I believe that often in life, it’s the little things we take for granted that can ultimately throw everything off whack. So I pay very close attention to those seemingly insignificant details and live my life accordingly.

Therefore, I am not a husband who will ever be quoted as saying, “Well I can look at the menu, can’t I?” as a justification to “appreciate the beauty” of another woman. It’s one thing to acknowledge another woman is attractive when someone asks me, in general; but that’s not what I’m referring to.

I’m talking about being out at a public place, hanging out with other guys, and the conversation turns to the body of the 22 year old waitress.Or observing the way other male coworkers lose their focus every time the Jane Siegel of the office (a reference to the 2nd season of Mad Men) walks by. I simply refuse to contribute in those situations.I am a happily married man and that means something to me.

It means that I don’t need to try to answer any subconscious questions in regards to my ability to woo a woman other than my wife.It means I will respect the sanctity of my marriage and the integrity of my family; not letting my guard down, even on account of an innocent look or a thoughtless comment regarding another woman.

Why would I need to “look at the menu” when I’ve already got everything I want in my wife? Part of the positive re-branding of fatherhood involves a deliberate campaign to view every other woman simply as another woman- not an object of desire. A man I would aspire to be like is a man who respects his wife even when she’s not around. So that’s the kind of man I choose to be.

I wear a wedding ring. Therefore, that dominates the messages I send to other women. My conversations with them will accordingly be intertwined with mention of my wife and son; so that even if I didn’t have a wedding ring, the message would still be clear how much I value my marriage- and how not interested I am in looking at any other items on the menu.

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Does Becoming a Parent Make You Less Cool?

September 29, 2011 at 9:25 pm , by 

Ten months.

I admit it. Last week I became an instant fan of the new NBC sitcom Up All Night starring Christina Applegate and Will Arnett. It is described as “the funny misadventures of a ‘cool couple’ with a newborn,” on page 28 of the October 2011 issue of Parents magazine. So far, the main premise of the show seems to be how a new mom and dad attempt to remain cool people after having a baby. As simple and even as shallow as that may sound, it actually makes for a very creative and relevant TV show.

Maybe it’s a trait of my generation (I’m 30), but I feel like parents of young kids today focus more on staying cool than any prior generation. We clearly remember seeing the hilarious “Mom Jeans” skit on Saturday Night Live and their appropriate slogan, “Because you’re no longer a woman; you’re a mom.” After seeing that, I think it’s possible that we, as an entire generation, decided to be more proactive about our post-baby hipness.

Admittedly, as for myself, I don’t want to end up a bland soccer dad with an “un-ironic mustache” and the hairstyle of a weatherman, who wears my cell phone on a holster attached to my pleated khaki pants. But it’s not simply about fashion; in fact, that’s the least of it.

More than anything, I believe my generation’s “stay cool after being a parent” motto has more to do with the fact that in elementary school, we were constantly told how unique and special we were. Now, as adults, we find much of our own coolness in the very things that make us unique.

We don’t want to become a boring stereotype of a lonely housewife or a henpecked dad. Instead, we want to keep our individuality while proudly displaying our ability to effectively parent.

And let’s face it: Being a parent is officially cool! From the rise in popularity of the stay-at-home dads, mommy (and daddy) blogs, and simply just being able to share your baby’s pictures with your 800 Facebook friends, being actively involved in your kid’s life totally increases your “cool points.”

So maybe as new parents, we don’t get out as much, we’re physically drained by the end of the day, and we struggle to embrace our new identity; but that doesn’t necessarily make us less cool than when a positive pregnancy test showed up in our lives.

If it’s possible to gage one’s own coolness, then I would have to say that I’m much more cooler as a 30 year-old dad than I was as a 24 year-old single guy. The forced maturity I have had to obtain during the past year of my life has taught me to become more relevant to the human population in general.

So because I understand other people better, I become more relevant in my culture. And isn’t that kind of what being cool is about anyway; being culturally relevant?

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Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting, Spirituality

The Rosh Hashanah (New Year) that Autumn Brings

September 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm , by 

Ten months.

Happy new year 5772!

Until this year, I never realized how close the first day of Autumn (September 23rd) and the first day of the Jewish New Year (sunset of September 28th) are to each other on our calendar. While the greenness of Spring symbolizes a new beginning for many, it is the Fall season that has always best represented newness of life to me.

Yes, there are the more obvious images of Autumn that make us feel good: the scorching heat of Summer finally dies, Starbucks brings back their pumpkin flavored drinks, our favorite TV shows premiere their new seasons, and the glory of American football becomes inescapable. Sure, we have to suffer the upcoming time change, but there’s a certain calmness and quietness to the Fall season that charms me every year.

This Autumn is especially like a new year for me. After nearly a year without it, my family is officially back on insurance again through Vanderbilt University- that gives me such a necessary peace of mind!

And within the next week or so, we will be moving back into our townhouse. (We’ve been staying with good and gracious friends since we moved back to Nashville in July.)

My son will turn a year old in November; so the Fall season will transform my infant into a toddler. And a few weeks before his birthday, we will finally get to see him in his awesome Halloween costume… a sea otter! (Random enough?)

As if it wasn’t obvious, Autumn is (and always has been) my favorite season. So as Nick Drakes plays on my iPod in the background, I proudly sound my imaginary shofar in celebration of a particular new year.

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Brainwashing Versus Successfully Influencing a Child

September 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm , by 

Ten months.

What’s the difference between a parent brainwashing their child versus successfully influencing them? After all, a child will ultimately grow up and make up their own mind when it comes to stuff like moral issues and relevance of religious faith. Yet it would be unwise to discount the impressions made on a child by an involved and encouraging parent.

Brainwashing carries a connotation of something forced and militant. That’s obviously not how I aim to influence my child. Instead, it’s a matter of making what’s normal and accepted to us as parents, normal and accepted to him.

My strategy is to simply raise my son in the way I know as right, so that when he is older, he won’t depart from it. My son Jack was born into a specifically Christian household. His exposure to our family’s religious beliefs won’t be presented as a respectable suggestion, but as reality and actual history.

But I can’t make him believe anything for the rest of his life; nor would I want to. As his dad, I can only influence him in ways that most other people will not be able.

What parts of our parental influence will really stick with him by the time he’s our age? I guess we’ll know when we’re sixty. But as for now, we’ll continue brainwashing influencing him in our quirky ways.

Unexpected Bonus!

On a related subject, I am giving away 5 copies of a brand new book called Sticky Faith, which specializes in giving parents everyday ideas to build lasting faith in their kids’ lives, specifically at key transitional stages (i.e. elementary, middle, high school, etc.).

Just be one of the first 5 people to leave a comment on this post, and within 60 minutes, send an email to nickshell1983@hotmail providing your name and address so the publisher will know where to send the books to.

UPDATE: Congrats to the winners of this free book!

J. Valentine from Pompton Lakes, NJ

S. Cruce from Fort Payne, AL

C. Williams from Cincinnati, Ohio

W. Pierson from Houston, Texas

G. Grey from Berlin, Germany

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