Author: Family Friendly Daddy Blog

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

When This Dad Is, By Default, The Alpha Male

January 18, 2012 at 11:25 pm , by 

14 months.

Put me in a room with a dozen guys my age and most likely I will surface as either the cultural equivalent of Paul Rudd, Ron Paul, or Jack Johnson.

If I were a main character on Lost, at best I would be the reluctant leader Jack Shephard, but I definitely would not be Sawyer or Sayid.

If I were part of the cast of Scrubs, I would be J.D. Dorian, not Dr. Cox.

In other words, by default, I am not the alpha male. I am the off-beat guy in the corner that people like being around, but don’t look to for protection, acceptance, or approval.

I am not the pack leader. Instead, I am the pack… guy next door.

And that’s fine by me; I know my role and my place in society.

Except when it’s not fine. Except when I must by default become the necessary pack leader. Most importantly, in my home.

In a household consisting of my wife and our 14 month-old son, I am obviously the alpha male. If I wasn’t, it would be a disaster; like the kind of thing you would watch on the TV show Supernanny.

And at my day job, with my sales position, being aggressive and taking charge is vital. I’m definitely by no means the alpha male there, but applying the things I learn from being one in my home helps me perform better at work.

Being the alpha male in my home means making important decisions on the spot and being good at making those decisions. Being this pack leader of my home means establishing order and trusting that my direction allows for my “society” to carry out that established order.

Yes, I am using the phrases “alpha male” and “pack leader” but when it really comes down to it, I’m talking about being the head of the household.

I’m going to edit this next sentence for sexual content, so use your imagination:

I’ve learned that as a man, it’s better to be perceived as a [jerk] than a [pansy]. 

My wife would rather be married to someone she respects because he is willing to take control of the situation, as needed, as compared to a man who is so easy-going that he leaves her up to take care of the decision-making and planning of both small and large household events.

Granted, we make our decisions together. But there are plenty of times where it needs to be my call and my initiative.

When it comes down to it, I don’t like being in charge and making decicisions. But to be a man, to be a husband, to be a dad; it’s just something I’m having to get used to.

Image: Goldfish swim in an aquarium, via Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Don’t I Know You From The Cinematographer’s Party?

January 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm , by 

14 months.

Recently I was in a parking lot, sitting in the car with my son in the back seat, waiting for my wife to come out of the store. I was sort of dazed, listening to my (and my son’s) new favorite album, Graceland, by Paul Simon; probably considering the randomness of the line, “Don’t I know you from the cinematographer’s party?”

All of the sudden, my attention turned to a young woman walking out of the store. Thinking back to what attracted me to her first and most of all, was her smile. It told me a lot about her. That she was simple and down to earth, yet complex enough to make me curious. She was the kind of girl I wanted to know, for some reason.

Then she looked at me. Turns out, she was smiling at me.

This whole process only took a matter of two, maybe three seconds. I thought, wait, why am I looking at another woman and thinking about the way she is smiling? Why am I even paying attention to her right now?

After all, I personally am annoyed to see other happily (?) married guys point out “Spongeboob Sweatpants” girls to each other. I don’t think it’s cool. I’m the guy who when he talks about how sexy a woman is, it’s because I’m talking to my wife, about her. Not me talking to other guys about some stranger.

I thought about how out of the ordinary it was for me to notice her. Why was this thought process still continuing? It’s funny how just a few seconds can pass by like several minutes; like the way a dream does.

She was smiling at me. And she was walking towards the car. Then it hit me, like the U2 song says, she was already mine.

The only girl that could ever steal my heart away from my girl is… my girl.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

My Bipolar Relationship With My 14 Month-Old Son

January 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm , by 

14 months.

I’m not actually bipolar, nor do I suffer from depression, but I’m willing to admit that if you observed my interactions with my son, you would see a different version of me on Wednesday as compared to Sunday.

During the weekdays, I just can’t get enough of my son. I think about him constantly. I look at his picture on my desk. I just want to hold him and kiss him and wrestle with him.

Then the weekend comes, and by Saturday evening, I’ve had my fill. I’m mentally spent.

The lack of a pause button, the inability to have a real conversation with my wife unless our son is asleep, the need for a moment to space out… it leads me to a state of insanity that doesn’t let up until Monday morning when I’m driving to work.

Man, I wish I could live in a world where there was a reasonable balance.

During the workweek, I barely have any quality time with him. Then during the weekend, it doesn’t feel much different because of all the housework and errands that have to get done.

So I guess here’s wishing for heaven on Earth. Or at least a version of reality where neither my wife nor I have to work but could just stay home with him all day. Where our son would take completely predictable naps on a definite schedule and where there was no stress on our part to get him to sleep.

Sounds like I’m not referring to a kid at all, but instead a programmable robotic puppy.

That’s the problem with reality. You can’t turn real life on and off.

Likewise, you can’t turn real love on or off.

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Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Why This Dad Despises Red 40 And Crimson Lake Food Dyes

January 15, 2012 at 10:05 pm , by 

13 months.

Would you eat petroleum? What if it made your food more physically more appealing?

What about insects? Are you cool with eating ground-up bugs?

The funny thing is, you and your kids already do. And the FDA approves it.

In 5th and 6th grade, I was a pretty sick kid. I had so many stomach issues back then that today I still owe my ability to unclog any toilet back to 20 years ago when I had to carry around TUMS Extra at all times.

What made it worse was that I suffered anxiety attacks, which helped keep a vicious circle going: I was always nervous that my extreme digestion issues would flare up at any moment, especially in public places where I couldn’t escape to a restroom. And when they did, it only fueled my anxieties.

Keeping in mind that this was during a time when there was no such thing as “looking it up on the Internet,” fortunately my mom heard from another mom that I should stay away from any foods with red food dye: namely “Red 40″ and “Crimson Lake.” There was no way for us to know what was in those food dyes, but whatever it was, I stopped consuming it.

No more red Kool-Aid. No more Twizzlers. No more red anything unless it came that way naturally.

As you can imagine because of this article’s title, both my extreme indigestion and my anxiety attacks went away. But it wouldn’t be until the glorious arrival of Wikipedia that I would know exactly what was in those red food dyes:

Red 40: Made mostly from petroleum, this red dye can easily be found in sodas, cotton candy, and children’s medications. It has been linked to cases of ADHD and hyperactivity in children. Red 40 is also known as Allura Red AC.

Crimson Lake: Made from the powdered and boiled bodies of scale insects (parasites of plants) this dye is commonly found in yogurt, juice drinks, ice cream, and candy. Though I am a vegetarian, I still abide by kosher law, which prohibits the consumption of any insect other than the locust. Crimson Lake is also known as Carmine.

Fun fact: The closing scene of the movie The Wedding Planner makes a reference to these dyes as the “added chemicals” in red M&M’s that Jennifer Lopez’s character throws out.

Can you blame me from not trusting the FDA? It should common sense that people shouldn’t eat petroleum or parasites. So you know what? I am my own FDA. I decide what weird stuff my family does and does not eat.

And I’ll tell ya… bugs and oil are not on our menu.

Top image of scale insects, courtesy of Frank Vincentz. 

Bottom image of scale insect nests, courtesy of Oscar Carrizosa.

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Prunes Are Now A “Regular” Part of My Son’s Diet

January 15, 2012 at 7:42 pm , by 

13 months.

It turns out, there is a downside to having a toddler who only wants to eat Cheerios, bananas, and wheat bread: a lack of digestive movement, which causes for one uncomfortable and cranky little boy while a swollen stomach.

The solution was simple: feed him prunes. But seriously, what toddler would  willingly eat prunes? I don’t even know that I’ve ever had a prune. My expectations were low; exactly where they should have been.

Simply because it was a new food, my son Jack swiped at the incoming spoon of pureed prunes. So I held down his arms as my wife delivered the stuff straight into his mouth- which was conveniently open because he was crying.

We looked for his reaction and were actually surprised. He didn’t not like it. Though there would be several days to follow of Jack pretending to fight prunes, now that he’s a week into it, he hardly ever refues the purple stuff.

Not that he really understands most of what I’m saying anyway, but instead of calling prunes by their actual name, I say, “Jack, it’s time for two bites of chocolate pudding.”

And that doesn’t even make much sense, because he’s never eaten chocolate pudding before. But either way, my kid willingly and joyfully eats pureed prunes. More importantly, “the train is now moving.”

So why resort to prunes only when he needs them? You know what they say:

A prune a day keeps the constipation away.