I went from Thursday morning until Sunday morning without you seeing you or your brother, as I was out in Los Angeles on what I would call a “side-business trip”. While I did have plenty of time to rest and relax while I was there, I was also constantly distracted by the fact that my sweet little baby girl was on the other side of the country.
Undoubtedly, I experienced a level of guilt because I knew that Mommy was left back in Tennessee to take care of you and your brother without my help. It’s not that Mommy couldn’t handle it, but the way our family dynamics work, she and I are both constantly either working our “real” jobs- or we are home, working our other job as we co-parent.
Usually I assign myself to you, while Mommy devotes her time between your mostly-independent brother and housework. So without me there, Mommy had a lot more work to do than usual.
So in addition to me truly missing my kids, I also knew I was leaving Mommy with a bigger burden; not that she ever complained or had a problem with it. Instead, she was nothing but supportive of my trip.
But as an involved modern dad, I am overly aware of my roles for our family. Therefore, I go to bed early and exhausted most nights. I don’t know any other way. And I just assume that’s how it is for all the other parents out there too.
I’m not special in that regard. I’m just like most other parents.
That’s why it felt wrong to be away. Because it goes against my wiring and against the culture of our family.
But then again, one of my roles is to help financially provide for my family while not forsaken my family in that pursuit. It’s a paradox, for sure.
All this is lost on you right now though. All you know is, you smile when Daddy walks through the door each day.