May 28, 2013 at 9:44 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 6 months.

Dear Jack,

For the past two weeks, while riding in the car with me to and from school, you had been asking for a black van.

I have no idea why. It’s not like you saw a cool black van or something.

So with Nonna and Papa (my parents) coming up for Memorial Day weekend, I figured I should let them know in case they could find one of my old childhood toys to suffice.

The plan worked, basically.

Papa found an old Tonka van of mine from circa-1985, but it was silver and red.

So he used a can of black spray paint and made it the right color.

Your “new” black van has snazzy red interior and has these cool “window walls.”

Yes, you were quite impressed.

As for me, however, I jokingly referred to your new toy as a “creeper van.”

It’s just that when I was young, I was taught to never go near big black vans with no windows in the very back… for safety reasons.

Similarly, though I have a nostalgic fascination of ice cream trucks, in reality, I have a distrust for the people who drive them… or big black vans with no windows in the very back.

I don’t want to be prejudiced towards anyone about anything, but if I said that I’m not leery of certain seemingly peculiar people in certain seemingly peculiar situations, then I would be lying.

Just a few days ago I told the story abouthow I myself creep out other parents when I do pull-ups at the playground on my lunch break; without you there with me.

However, I don’t feel judged by those parents. Actually, I totally get it. I just think it’s funny.

Does being a good parent make someone more judgmental, prejudice, and untrusting of others?

I can only speak for myself; and if I do, then that probably technically makes me prideful because I am assuming I am a good parent.

Somewhat interestingly, I admit I might come across as judgmental, prejudiced, and untrusting of others because of the fact that I see big black vans as “red flags.”

I call it being wisely protective. Others may see it as judgmental… but does that make them judgmental? I don’t know.

Clearly, I don’t have any answers. I’m just asking questions today.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

May 5, 2013 at 2:44 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 5 months.

Disclaimer: Contains potentially confusing viewpoints that may be exclusive to the male mindset.

Dear Jack,

The main reason I feel anxious about the thought of having another child is not the financial aspect, or even the fact we only have a 2 bedroom townhouse; it’s knowing that I would be placed in that frustrating position again of not knowing what to do on a daily basis.

Sure, I’d know more of what I was doing the 2nd time around, but it would also be on top of taking care of you too; though you demand less attention than you did when you were a baby.

To see me in my worst element is to see me in a high pressure, reoccurring situation where I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. For me, that was the first 15 months of your life; back when you wouldn’t let me take care of you without Mommy being in the same room.

Therefore, I couldn’t feel like I was leadingour family, and it made me feel horrible about myself.

Just to be clear, I don’t mind high pressure at all. In fact, I like the challenge of it; given that I’ve been well trained on the subject.

It’s no secret: I find my self-worth not in how others see me, but in how I see myself. If I don’t feel in control, or at least that I know what my role is, I sort of feel worthless.

Now that you’re well beyond the age of 15 months, in fact, days away from being double that, my frustrating days of flat-out not knowing what to do in regards to being a dad are mostly a thing of the past; back in the year 2011.

As for modern day life, I know my role now; every minute of the day, and I love it!

In addition to being your official chauffeur, bedtime singer, protector from monsters… I also am the official dishwasher, bathroom cleaner, garbage man, vacuumer, relationship mediator, and the parent juggling two jobs outside of home life.

Every night, after our family eats dinner, I know that once Mommy takes you upstairs for your bath, I am going to immediately start washing and drying all the dishes, then wipe off the counter, and vacuum; just in time to go upstairs and sing your final bedtime song.

While it would be really nice to just chill out after dinner instead of doing housework, I don’t even mind. The reason: Because it sure beats the heck out of those first 15 months when I didn’t know my role.

As your dad, who is wired to fix problems and lead others, it’s very challenging for me to… I’m trying to think of a way to say this without using the PG version slang word…

I like to be driving the motorcycle, not riding in the sidecar.

(Watch the movie Garden State, when you’re older, to fully understand the reference. “Sidecars are for…”.)

What I am saying is that right now, I don’t feel like I’m riding in the sidecar. I feel like our life is predictable enough now where I don’t taste the chaos in the air anymore.

I love having this peace in my head; not dwelling on my inabilities to successfully figure out what exactly I’m supposed to do every single second. I love knowing what to do.

Ah, if and when the time comes for a 2nd child, I fear losing that again.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

May 4, 2013 at 11:06 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

Yesterday I bragged on how much I loved the “Pals” ad by Robinsons. Since then, I’ve read some comments online pointing out that the commercial closes with the tagline, “It’s good to be a dad, it’s better to be a friend.”

For some people, that motto carries a different meaning than it does for me.

Here’s an example, from “richa20560″ onThe Drum.com, of the kind of comments that barb in between the positive ones, in reference to the ad:

“Nice ad if you reversed the strapline. Current ad epitomises everything thats wrong with current parenting practises, kids have plenty of friends in their life but only 1 mum & dad this trivialises the importance of stepping up & being the dad you can’t always be their friend, to infer its better to be their friend devalues the vital role of a parent, sometimes you have to say no & sometimes they won’t like you for it. Better to be a dad and raise a child capable of making friends, than being the only one who can bare to be their friend.”

As for me, I hear the phrase “It’s good to be a dad, it’s better to be a friend” and I don’t think that the message is to be a parent who overlooks discipline for the sake of wanting your kid to like you.

I can hear it without thinking it is promoting something stupid like buying alcohol or cigarettes for your kid, too.

Instead, I totally get what ”It’s good to be a dad, it’s better to be a friend” means; without jumping to polarizing conclusions or taking it so literally.

As I mentioned yesterday, it’s impossible to love and lead you without serving you. Therefore, so many of the elements of me being a good dad require that I am a good friend.

My interpretation of ”It’s good to be a dad, it’s better to be a friend” is this: The best part of being a dad is the part where I get to have a buddy who loves me unconditionally.

I could go on to theorize that the worst part, or, my least favorite, is the discipline part. However, it’s no less important that the “being the friend” part.

As your dad, I do my best to make sure the majority of our time together fits into that glorious (and more marketable!) “friend” category; because a good friend can still teach, mentor, and even discipline you.

Really, I guess it just comes down to a person’s definitions of the words “dad” and “friend.”

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

May 4, 2013 at 9:48 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

Today Mommy and I asked you what you want to be when you go up.

After 5 sincere seconds of contemplation, you came to a decision:

“Princess.”

Mommy recommended you’d probably be happier if you were a king instead.

But then you changed your mind, anyway.

Your new hopeful profession? Butterfly.

Then, a horse.

(It was as bizarre as last Saturday morning when I watched you play at the indoor playground; wearing a dinosaur costume, pushing a baby stroller with two plastic building toys on the front, to make it look like a bulldozer.

I thought it was also an interesting choice that the baby doll in the stroller was face-down the whole time.)

Also, the unrehearsed answers you gave us today for your speculated career choice actually reminded me of one of my favorite songs in the world, “One Of These Things First” by Nick Drake:

“I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock. As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock. I could be here and now. I would be, I should be. But how? I could have been one of these things first.”

Your final answer at the end of the day was “monster truck,” by which I think you mean, “monster truck builder/driver,” like Frank the Monster Maker on All About Monster Trucks on Netflix.

Based on the way you were totally into watching a “how to build a monster truck” video on YouTube with me this morning, I’d say that sounds about right… that is, if you carry out your love for monster trucks for the next two decades.

I hope you have better direction than I did going in to college, not positively knowing what I wanted to do (and be) for a living.

Somewhat randomly, I ended up graduating from Liberty University with a degree in English, only to enter the work force in sales and recruiting; eventually to transition into now more of a customer service and human resources position.

It’s not something I could have planned, but it’s how I help make a living for our family.

Maybe life will make more sense to you at a sooner age. Maybe I can help with that… with all my clever wisdom and whatnot.

But if you want to build and drive monster trucks for a living, I think that could be pretty cool.

Or you could be a horse. Being a horse would be pretty awesome, I think.

 

Love,

Daddy