May 4, 2013 at 12:04 am , by Nick Shell

2 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

I hope you just watched that 60 second ad before reading this.

(Here’s a chance to, if you haven’t. Go ahead, please. I’ll wait.)

As you just watched, the boy in the green shirt puts his arm around the boy in the striped shirt while he was holding the ball, dusts him off when they fall down, compliments him on his throw, lifts him up to the bar he can’t reach, pretends like he’s about to push him into the water, patiently looks over his shoulder as he plays his video game, recognizes the boy’s crush and encourages him to talk to her and insists she likes him too, takes the “fatal hit” while using sticks to play sword fight, serves him juice, stays awake after he falls asleep watching T.V, takes his shoes off for him, carries him upstairs and lays a blanket over him.

They’re clearly friends, right?

The ad closes with the boy in the striped shirt saying, “Good night, Dad.” Then the dad tells his son good night too.

Brilliant.

In those 60 seconds, through play, encouragement, and affection, the dad serves the son.

Just a few weeks ago I wrote, “To Love And To Lead Is To Serve: No Thank You’s Required.” Though it’s a simple concept, I felt it was important enough to write to you about:

“It probably comes down to this anyway: The most important things I do in life, and that I am best at doing, are the things for which I’m not regularly thanked. Serving is loving and leading. I get that now… no thank you’s required.”

In a history of commercials making the dad out to be an idiot, finally, somebody really (!) gets it right.

Only a week ago I wrote “How To Market To An ‘Unmarketable’ Generation Y Dad.” I explained what it would take for an ad to reach me, because I’m so good at ignoring ads:

“So, in review, a stubborn, penny pinching, Dave Ramsey following, Generation Y dad like me will magically buy a product for his son if he believes that… the product will reinforce the traditional ideas and principles that remind him of his own 1987 version of childhood and/or… the company makes it clear that dads are helpful and important, not idiots.”

A+, Robinsons “Pals.” You are the official dad ad to beat.

Here’s a secret, Son. A dad can never hear enough, from anyone, that he is a good dad.

To outsiders it may appear to be a sensitive male ego thing, but as a dad, I can confirm that routine, positive affirmation is one of the most effective ways to reach and connect with a dad.

So now, I need to go wipe my nose. I could blame it on the Maple trees blooming here in Nashville, triggering my allergies.

Instead, I’ll just admit it. After watching this ad a few times, I’m pretty tore up, in a good way.

I just love you so much.

 

Love,

Daddy

March 7, 2013 at 10:11 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Men are wired to solve problems. We like fixing things.

I truly feel empowered and alive anytime I correctly identify a problem, apply the solution, and see the successful result. With that being said, one of the things I love best and look forward to the most as your dad isteaching you life lessons.

It’s a huge part of being a dad.

This concept is exemplified in a Facebook page (and hopefully eventually a book) known as 100 Things to Teach My Son. It is the creative project of a dad named RJ Licata who lives in Syracuse, New York.

Since starting less than two months ago on January 13th, the project has already received over 650 Facebook “likes,” despite not being based on anything or anyone famous. He explains on his page:

“On a whim, I made a Facebook post expressing the first (#100) of the top 100 things I wanted to teach my son. I really had no intention of continuing past that one post. But then I got some ‘Likes’ and some comments that I hadn’t been expecting. So I posted #99, and I got some more positive feedback.

I continued posting my ‘lessons’ with a photo that I thought best explained the lesson in picture, and by the time my countdown got to #85 or so, I’d gotten so much positive feedback from my friends, as well as some Facebook friends that I rarely interact with, that I had no choice but to continue on.

Because so many of the lessons have been so well received, I thought there must be others out there that I’m not friends with who would also enjoy seeing/reading them.

And that is why I started this page… You’ll also find similar posts and content that I think will inspire you to be the best parent/person you can be. It’s not just for fathers. It’s not just for sons. It’s for anyone who wants to be moved to laughter or to tears, to be inspired or comforted. Mostly it’s a way for me to document my journey as a father.”

There is a reason people are connecting with 100 Things to Teach My Son. 

For me, it caught my attention because of its simplicity and honesty. I like that it is built around the idea that active and involved dads spend a lot of time thinking about what they will teach their kids, based on their own life experience.

I definitely relate to that. Here’s a prime example:

“❤ Top 100 Things I Can’t Wait to Teach My Son™ : #56 – Playing catch with dad is much more than throwing and catching, a ball and a glove.”

And a couple more of my favorites…

“❤ Top 100 Things I Can’t Wait to Teach My Son™ : #51 – If you must compare, compare yourself to the you of yesterday, not to anybody else.

❤ Top 100 Things I Can’t Wait to Teach My Son™ : #93 – We all have some sort of super powers, but we don’t all use them.”

Jack, something you will always know about me is that I thrive on teaching you about life and how the world works.

I’ll teach you everything I know, though I obviously know there are just some lessons you learn best on your own.

See, that’s one of my life lessons for you…

 

Love,

Daddy

 

All photos appear courtesy of RJ Licata, 100 Things to Teach My Son. 

 

February 28, 2013 at 10:37 pm , by Nick Shell

January 26, 2013 at 11:17 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Last week when I wrote “Dads Are Happier Than Moms and Singles, Says Psychological Science,” I received an intuitive comment that really helped me understand myself better:

“I am a mom who, much like you, just knew I’d be a [parent] but never dreamed of it my whole life, or knew what to expect at all. I assumed that when I had my child I’d keep working and be happy with him in daycare, because that’s what my parents did with me. I couldn’t have been more wrong — about my happiness/satisfaction with this scenario.

We can’t afford for me to stop working, but all I want to do is be with my son. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. Guilt, feeling like I’m missing out, and most of all: the inherent instinct, dare I say biological need, to be with my infant child, makes me INCREDIBLY sad to have to sit at my desk all day. I know not all mothers feel this way, but this is why I am less happy than my husband — who has no problem at all working full time.”

The main takeaway from this comment for me personally is that, as a mom, she feels guilty about having to work full time and be away from her child; meanwhile, her husband has no problem with that issue.

Good point. Not only does it appear to be the norm for most women to yearn to become mothers, therefore causing my familiarity with the phrase, “All I ever wanted was to be a mother,” but it seems just as predictable that men experience much less guilt about working all day, away from their child.

I’ll speak for myself here, as a dad. Do I feel guilty about you being in daycare all day while I’m literally a quarter of a mile down the road, working in the office?

To be vulnerably honest… never.

If the question is whether or not I miss you everyday while I’m away from you, the answer is absolutely yes!

Inconveniently, your 2 hour nap occurs during the middle of my lunch break; otherwise, I’d spend that extra hour with you.

Like most dads, I am wired with the subconscious yet undeniable desire (and biological need?) to provide for you and Mommy. So to be honest, the thought of feeling guilty about you being in daycare while I’m at work… well, it’s pretty much the opposite of how my mind works.

Instead, I would feel guilty if I couldn’t be working all day while you’re in daycare. In an ideal world, Mommy could stay home with you, at least.

I gain a lot of confidence and self-worth by going out and working to provide for you and Mommy five days a week. It’s like, for me to feel successful, I have to have this “other life” away from you to earn the right to the version of life I share with you and Mommy.

So, no; like most men I know, I never thought or said out loud, “All I ever wanted was to be a dad.”

Instead, this was my version:

“All I ever wanted was to make a good and respectable living for the family that I always knew I would have one day.”

 

Love,

Daddy