Storytelling

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Why I Like To Scare Kids, Especially My Own

June 27, 2012 at 11:45 pm , by 

19 months.

This past weekend my uncle Al bought Jack a toy Spiderman (hockey?) mask. While it was a bit too big for my son, it was still large enough to fit me.

So needless to say, I became Spiderman. But not the friendly neighborhood Spiderman who we all know and love.

No, instead, I was a creepy, henchman-style Spiderman who liked to slowly sneak up on my son from the other side of the room while he watched me lurk toward him the whole time.

Imagine being a 19 month-old toddler and seeing your dad wearing a Spiderman mask while saying your name through his teeth as he eventually grabs your leg and pretends to eat it.

Just for the record, Jack wasn’t terrified. He won’t need counseling for this. (At least, I don’t think so… yet.)

I could tell it was a thrill for him. He did like it, though he definitely had to remind himself that it wasn’t actually a crossbreed between Jason Voorhees and Spiderman.

Jack has always been a very mellow kid and sometimes I enjoy the challenge of finding new ways to get him to laugh through my idiotic behavior.

In case I’m managing to make myself seem psychologically unstable, allow me to make it worse by elaborating.

It’s not just my own kid I like to scare, it’s all kids.

When I walk into Jack’s daycare, I become “Mr. Teeth” to Jack’s friends. It’s the character who has no lips but who just chatters his teeth and waves.

After a couple of months of meeting Mr. Teeth, some of Jack’s friends have finally started doing it back when I walk in now.

To my one year-old niece, Calla, I am known as Uncle Possum. I make the most hideous face I can, and trust me, it’s unsightly, and I get right in her face to see if I can get a reaction.

What I love is she just stares right back at me as if to say, “You’re no big deal. I’m not afraid of you.”

To toddlers and babies, I am the equivalent to those monsters in the book Where The Wild Things Are. Friendly and harmless, yet still technically a monster.

Kids like to be surprised. So with my mildly scaring them, I help them test their limits and at the same time entertain them in a fresh new way.

So far, I have only made one kid cry because of my antics. And he cried for like 20 minutes… after I left the room and got out of sight.

It was bad.

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Could Your Parenting Prevent An Antichrist From Existing?

June 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm , by 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

My Son Isn’t Cuddly Like The Snuggles Bear

June 27, 2012 at 9:52 pm , by 

19 months.

One of the highlights of my day is always picking up Jack from daycare, because I know he will come running to me with a big smile on his face.

Then, he’ll cuddle up close to me like a koala bear as I hold him and collect his things before taking him out to the car.

With Jack, moments of cuddling like that are rare. It’s safe to proclaim, he’s just not a cuddly kind of kid.

I want to say that I wish he was. But that would be me being selfish.

Because he was designed to be an adventurer and an explorer, so it’s not in his nature to want to let me squeeze him like the Snuggles bear whenever I feel like it; which is actually quite often.

Jack wants to be led into swashbuckling missions. He wants to see the unknown. He wants to ride in the bottom storage part of the shopping cart at Whole Foods Market.

I have to let Jack be Jack, even if that means that at least for right now, I can’t just lay on the couch with him, being close and cuddly. Because that’s what I want.

So I accept that his love language is probably not physical touch.

Instead, I think Jack interprets love through quality time and acts of service.

That typically involves me exerting a lot of energy and burning a bunch of calories and not having much time to just chill out when I’m with him.

It’s not so much that I’m constantly having to entertain him; it’s that I’m constantly needing to engage him. Interestingly, the activities that best express my love to him in a way that he accepts as valid are the ones that most wear him out and cause him to need to take a nap.

Now I can understand even better why roughhousing with my son is so vitally important.

Chasing him like I’m a lion, then gently tossing him on the random air mattress in our living room is the equivalent to snuggling with him. That’s how Jack sees it.

And perhaps my subconscious realization of that naturally makes me want to play rough with him in the first place.

It’s been no secret that Jack and my dad have always had a special bond.

Even when Jack was only a couple of months old, he always appreciated my dad carrying him around the house, showing him the insides of bedrooms and the pictures on the walls.

What is it about that special bond between grandfather and grandson? It’s not just their same first and last name.

I believe it has a whole lot to do with the fact my dad does a perfect love of expressing love to Jack in a way that Jack can best understand it.

Remember the whole water hose incident last weekend?

Prime example. Put Jack and his Papa together, and they’ll figure out something fun to do.

My son isn’t the Snuggles bear.

But I do think he might be Curious George.

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My Kid Is Obsessed With Animals

June 26, 2012 at 10:57 pm , by 

19 months.

Jack has recently acquired a farm/zoo. And boy is he proud to take care of his Made in China plastic toys. I mean, his furry little friends.

This past weekend at his cousin Calla’s house, Jack discovered a “Farm Animal Play Set” my sister and her husband had bought on clearance for 3 bucks at Target. The set consists of a clear backpack filled with many familiar animals.

Why exactly the “farm” set included a mother and baby ostrich as well as a wolf, I don’t know.

Nor could I tell you why there is a random African-looking tree along with two logs. How certain things made the cut remains a mystery.

Not to mention that the “baby” animals are simply miniatures blended in from some leftover batch from Taiwan; clearly not originally intended to be in relation to the “mother” animals, which for some reason all have red eyes.

Needless to say, I named the dog with red eyes, Cujo.

And I couldn’t help but notice the adult duck is nearly the size of the adult ostrich.

One more thing, the larger sized animals were glued together; you can clearly see where the cow’s head was glued on to the rest of its body. (I have seen these exact ones sold separately at Michael’s for like 2 bucks a piece.)

Well, I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jack is completely unaware of just how “Frankensteined” his mismatched farm set is. All he knows is, he loves his animals.

Don’t all kids?

Jack has to be holding 3 of his animals at all times: in the car, in bed, during meals, even while running from me as I chase him across the house during playtime.

Yesterday when he saw that the dishwasher was empty, he grabbed the utensil caddy and carried it over to the coffee table. Then he carefully placed the mutant duck and Cujo in their own separate compartments.

He waited a few seconds and stared at the wall, as to symbolize the passing of several hours. Finally, he woke up the animals and removed them from the utensil caddy, I mean, their stalls: The plastic rooster had apparently crowed.

Kids love animals. Heck, they’re obsessed with them.

Take a look through your child’s favorite books or check out the covers of their favorite DVD’s. Humans are rare. Instead, talking animals have replaced us.

To a toddler, animals are something to be enthralled by.

Animals look funny, they have their own strange movements, they make weird distinct noises, and they’re lovable; except for the ones that are vicious and deadly; but in a child’s world, they by default are all enchanted.

(Have you noticed how many friendly lions and alligators are featured on your little boy’s shirts? I have. It’s pretty funny.)

I’m not the kind of guy to use the word “sweet” in the emotional sense, but I have to admit, it makes my heart smile to see him so earnestly trying to care for the needs of his animals.

You’ve already heard about Jack hosing down Cujo and Mutant Duck. (They must be his favorites.)

Well, now you know that his animals are a full-time responsibility.

They must not only be cleaned, but also fed and given a good night’s rest in their stalls. As long as the dishwasher isn’t full.

For more pictures of Jack with his animals, visit The Dadabase’s Facebook and click on the photo album,Jack’s Farm/Zoo.

 

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Summertime Means My Son Sleeps In Longer

June 20, 2012 at 10:54 pm , by 

19 months.

Yeah, I know.

Today is the first day of summer and I’m supposed to be all happy and nostalgic about it, saying, “Ah, summer… takes me back to when I was a kid, enjoying Otter Pops and Sharkleberry Fin in the hot sun, and watching Hey Dude and Inspector Gadget on Nickelodeon. And now I get to see my own son enjoy summertime!”

Well, that’s not at all what’s really going through my head.

Instead, what I’m actually thinking is, “Okay, if today is the longest day of the year, then that means starting tomorrow, the days will be getting shorter, meaning there will be less sunlight, meaning Jack will start sleeping in longer!”

Sorry to be so goth about it, but that, my friends, is what summer is really about for me.

It’s about me gradually getting more sleep because less sunlight shining through the window will help my son sleep longer.

Yeah, we hung up thick brown curtains over the window blinds in his room but they only help so much.

Several weeks ago, Jack started waking up at 5:30 AM, as opposed to 6:15 which I am accustomed to. I know a lot of parents have it worse; they have kids who don’t sleep through the night like I taught mine to.

But for the sake of the ultimate balance in the universe, my son sleeps from 7:00 PM until the rooster crows each morning because I become a monster without a solid night of sleep.

I go from mild-mannered, Members Only jacket-wearing Bill Bixby to painted green with a bad wig Lou Ferrigno. It’s not good.

Jack and I have had this understanding that he doesn’t wake up his mother and me in the middle of the night. But too much sunlight has compromised that.

With Jack waking up 45 minutes early, it not only means I’m grumpy, but it means he’s even grumpier; as seen in the top picture of him in his Radio Flyer wagon.

Not to mention, his daytime naps have often been non-existent; here lately.

But I can’t blame Jack that he thinks that during these longest days of the year he’s been living in Nightmute, Alaska; where it’s hard to distinguish night from day.

All I know is, things are looking up for this grouchy hibernation-deprived dad.

For Father’s Day, I was able to cash in my “1 Hour Uninterrupted Nap” Daddy Coupon. Plus I received my first official Father’s Day necktie, hand-crafted by my son.

Come, winter. Come quickly.