Storytelling

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I Never Saw Myself As A Non-Spanking Parent, But…

October 24, 2013 at 9:20 pm , by 

2 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

Back before you were of disciplining age, I was no skeptic of parents who refused to spank their child; in fact, I passionately mocked the idea of discplining without spanking.

I vehemently disagreed with Super Nanny’s approach.

“Time out? Yeah right. Like that does any good,” I would think to myself.

I believed that “non-spanking” was part of a liberal media agenda which led to uncontrollable children and even, overall, a higher crime rate for the adults who were not spanked as kids.

Then I changed my mindset. I stopped looking at opposing groups of people as “wrong” or “right,” based on their opinions. I stopped feeding into the polarization of America, based on our divided cultural leanings and preferences.

(Even to the point I now think Republicans and Democrats are equal. I realize it’s heresy to both sides to say that, though.)

But it’s true that I use to totally stereotype parents who didn’t spank their children.

I assumed that if a parent didn’t spank their child, they definitely didn’t effectively discipline them. Or it meant, in theory, they didn’t really discipline them at all.

Something that always kept me close-minded to the concept of discipline without spanking is a Bible verse (Proverbs 13:24) that I had always interpreted in a preconceived way:

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

I always took that to mean “the rod” (or the paddle, etc.) exclusively equalled discipline. In other words, I thought it would be impossible to properly discipline a child without ultimately resorting to spanking. But now, I read that verse differently:

My interpretation is, “It’s better to spank your child in an effort to discipline them, than to not discipline your child at all. But the main thing is, that you do discipline your child- not necessarily how you discipline them.”

Therefore, I totally don’t care how other parents discipline their children. I used to, but I’m way over that.

What I do care about is how I discipline you. And for Mommy and I, that means not resorting to spanking. For us, that’s what we feel is right for our family.

Again, I have completely neutral feelings about how other parents discipline their kids. I have no time to think or care about that. None of my business or concern. Complete Libertarian approach.

What got me thinking about this is that a couple of days ago another blogger on Parents.com wrote an article and posted a video that I totally agree with:

The video explains 5 alternatives to spanking that Mommy and I apply:

1. Ignore attention-seeking behavior.

2. Pay attention to good behavior.

3. Redirect your child.

4. Teach consequences that make sense.

5. Use time-outs for serious offenses.

I love you, therefore I discipline you. I just happen to be one the parents who believes spanking is not the most effective long-term way to carry out that discipline for my own child.

That doesn’t make me a better parent in any way, but it does make me a version of myself I had never seen myself becoming, before actually becoming a parent.

 

Love,

Daddy

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No Time For Fun At Our House! Only Learning…

October 10, 2013 at 6:13 am , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

You have once again cracked me up with this week’s bulletin board material at school. Evidently, at our house, we’re all about learning, all the time. Yes, that’s us, the super studious household…

When asked by your teacher about our house, this was your response:

“My house is gray. I do flashcards. My room is brown.”

Flashcards?

It’s true that flashcards have regularly been a part of the bedtime routine for you; I just didn’t realize that you valued them so much, that they would be the first activity you would mention regarding household activities.

I mean, that’s totally cool. I’m just surprised, but in a good way.

Naturally, I would have assumed you would have mentioned playing with your cars or watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with Mommy and me.

But I will gladly accept learning as your answer!

Oh, and then, there’s “the house that Jack built…”.

While your friends were having fun building construction paper replicas of their homes, a couple of your teachers giggled at how serious you were aboutperfectly (!) building yours.

I did notice that yours seemed a little too perfect when compared to your friends’ houses; like an adult did your work for you.

So I picture all your friends smiling and having fun as they worked on this craft; meanwhile you took it as seriously as MacGyver trying to defuse a bomb in a warehouse.

The reason this is so interesting to me is because I don’t see all sides of you. The versions of you that I am most exposed to are the ones where you are responding to your parents.

What I don’t see is how you act in a classroom environment with teachers and friends. That’s indeed a different version of you.

I’m used to the playful version who loves to play and wrestle with me. I have to be reminded that you do indeed enjoy learning, as well.

Interesting.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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I Thought We Were At The Playground To Actually Play…

October 7, 2013 at 11:21 pm , by 

Dear Jack,

Saturday morning after we watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the 23rd time, I’ll mention more about that later, Mommy and I decided it was time for you, I mean, our family, to burn off some extra energy at Granny White Park- or as you call it, “The Dinosaur Park.”

(It has like three different plastic dinosaurs you can climb on.)

I thought we were going to the playground to actually play, but once we got there, all your jittery energy strangely transformed you into a sluggish state of wonder.

You decided you wanted to “people watch” instead.

And I have to admit- there was a lot to see. Nearby, there was a birthday party going on in which all the little boys were dressed up in superhero costumes.

“Daddy, there’s two Spidermans?” you asked.

You didn’t want to go down the slide, or crawl through the tunnel, or even try out the cool pirate ship teeter-totter.

However, you were willing to let Mommy and me push you on the swing, which is the most passive activity to do at the park; other than sitting on the plastic dinosaurs and watching the other kids have fun.

Seriously, you looked so sad.

I get it that you may have just been a little bit intimidated by all the other kids you didn’t know.

Or maybe that, like me sometimes, you just felt like being philosophical and introspective.

But after about 12 minutes of you being the swing, I myself was getting antsy.

So with the superheros now playing behind you where you couldn’t see them anymore, I suggested we move around a bit- in the form of a family walk.

Didn’t work.

After about five steps, you said it:

“Mommy! Hold me!”

You clearly weren’t too tired to walk. The whole point in us being there was for you to burn off all the extra energy you had back at the house.

So I grabbed you and ran far into the vacant soccer field, therefore forcing you to have to run; either because I was chasing you or you were chasing me.

It worked.

For about a minute.

Then you made your way to Mommy again and it was back to sitting in the swing. And sitting on the dinosaurs.

Oh well, I tried.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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And 7 Years Later We Have A Nearly 3 Year-Old…

October 5, 2013 at 10:04 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Our family time today at the park was probably one of the hottest and most humid October days in Tennessee I can ever remember.

It’s easy to forget that this is October right now, but exactly 7 years ago to this day, on October 5, 2006, I remember it feeling more like  a normal October day.

In other words, ther air was slightly chilly and the thought of a Pumpkin Spice Frappucino seemed much more appealing…

I’ll never forget that Thursday night.

As I sat at my laptop  after dinner, I saw an email invitation to be part of the audience for a taping of the the CMT show, Crossroads.

Though I wouldn’t really know anyone there, the episode of The Office was a rerun that night.

Plus, I was a single, 25 year-old guy. Who knew? Maybe I’d meet the girl I was supposed to marry…

Needless to say, that’s exactly what happened.

The end.

Oh, you want to know more? Okay…

The memory of the first time I saw Mommy is so clear to me.

I walked into The Factory, a mall that used to be an actual factory, where the taping for the episode was taking place, realizing I was part of an ocean of people; so many, that my participation in the episode might not even be needed.

As I looked for the end of the line to get in the door, I saw my friend John sitting on a bench outside of a restaurant.

Next to him was a very beautiful girl he appeared to be friends with. Perhaps on a normal night, there was a chance I would be too intimidated to strike up a conversation with a girl like that.

But this was no ordinary night. Not to mention, I knew it would help that apparently she and I had a mutual friend, who could serve as the perfect conversation starter.

I can’t remember many details of our first conversation, but I do remember this: We talked for nearly 3 hours as we waited in line and during the taping of the episode. (The music from the concert was so loud it’s not like we were disturbing anything.)

Oh, actually, we talked about Pumpkin Spice Frappucinos… that’s one detail I do remember.

Exactly 4 months after the night we first met, we had our first date at a John Mayer concert. Exactly a week later was Valentine’s Day, which made it easy for me to ask for a 2nd date.

We fell in love. The rest is history.

Actually, the rest is the future– and you’re part of that future of ours.

Mommy and I met exactly 7 years ago tonight… and 7 years later we have a nearly 3 year-old.

That’s you!

Great story, huh, kid?

 

Love,

Daddy

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Counting Random Cell Phone Keyboards, Like A Boss

October 3, 2013 at 8:49 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Some things in life just can’t be explained. For example, why are there over a dozen cell phone keyboards in the parking lot of your school?

Since a couple of weeks ago when we started parking next to your teachers’ Mustangs, we discovered a strange array of cell phone keyboards as we got out of my car.

It’s so strange…

There are no other cell phone parts anywhere else around. Just the keyboards.

Are cell phone keyboards hot on the black market right now?

Did a cell phone keyboard bandit run across your school’s parking lot, carrying hundreds of them over his shoulder in a giant sack, that happened to have a slit in it, causing many of them to fall onto the ground?

That’s the best explanation I can come up with.

Needless to say, you’re pretty fascinated by the mystery (and possible government conspiracy?) of these cell phone keyboards.

Our new daily tradition is that every time we now get out of or into our car in the school parking lot, you like to get down and count them.

Today when I picked you up from school, your teacher Ms. Lauren updated me on the funny thing you said to her this time:

“Ms. Lauren, there’s cell phones in the parking lot. I counted them. There’s 10 of them!”

You’re right. You indeed count 10 of them each time.

It is because of the cell phone keyboards that I now officially know you can count to 10. Because you do it at least once a day now.

Even without meaning to, you found a way to test out what you learn at school.

I think it’s safe to say that cell phone keyboards may be the most peculiar thing you will ever use in the process of learning to count.

As for the mystery of how they got there, I guess we’ll just have to ask God when we get to Heaven one day.

 

Love,

Daddy