Storytelling

Leave a comment Posted on July 20, 2014 parenting, Storytelling

Empathy For “Gossiped About” Dads Who Coach

February 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm , by Nick Shell

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Today it was only about 40 degrees outside, but there was no wind and the sun was out.

So finally, after so many cold and bitter weeks, I was able to ride my mountain bike up to Starbucks during my lunch break during work.

As I sat outside on the patio reading my H.R. certification study guide, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between a dad who apparently coaches his son’s sports team and the mom of one of the kids on that team.

Most of what I heard (though I was trying not to, I promise!) was the dad/coach expressing his annoyance with the other parents of the team talking about him behind his back.

The mom he was talking to was evidently serving as a very empathetic mediator between the dad/coach and the other parents of the team. She was smiling and shaking her head the whole time, like she was on his side- and I believe she was.

That caused me to imagine what it might be like if I were to coach one of your sports teams someday.

Attempting to put myself in that situation, here in a few years, I imagine the challenge being not so much coaching the kids, but playing the ultimate middle-man who can’t win with pleasing the parents.

It seems like the biggest challenge would be, on one side, trying to please the parents of the kids are the best players; wanting to see their kid lead the team to victory.

Then, on the other side, there would be the parents of the kids who are weaker links on the team; wanting to see their kid get more “play time.”

Sounds like a sticky situation; sounds like unavoidable politics.

I don’t want to be caught in the middle of that. I hate being caught in the middle of two parties of people like that.

(Then again, I’m in H.R., so I must not despise it that much!)

This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t coach your team. However, I am saying, for me, I would imagine that coaching the parents would be the hard part.

And that’s based on the conversation I overheard today at Starbucks, plus several other ones I’ve heard in the office where I work.

But I guess I won’t know for sure until I am that guy.

Love,

Daddy

Image: Shutterstock- Kids Soccer Game.

Leave a comment Posted on July 20, 2014 parenting, Storytelling

How To Talk Like A Man (Includes Infographic)

February 13, 2014 at 6:08 pm , by Nick Shell

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I’m starting to really appreciate infographics. They provide an organized visual for interesting research; like this one, below, on sending text messages:

69% of all respondents said they “would be lost” without the ability to text

Men text more than women (an average of 17 regular contacts)

Men send shorter messages

they generally see texting as a functional form of communications

Women have an average of 13 regular text contacts. Men are 3x more likely to text work colleagues than women:

Women tend to send longer messages

more likely to say “I love you” via text (54%)

they often use texting to deepen relationships

That’s interesting, yet I’m not at all surprised to see those findings.

Men and women not only think much differently, but they speak much differently to match it. You and I are males, meaning we are wired to speak in a different language than females.

It’s not a bad thing, though it often is a frustrating thing. But it’s also what makes the dynamics between males and females work.

Otherwise, we would function more like robots.

So instead of writing off the other gender because I’m not the best at speaking their language… I’m learning to speak their language.

I’m making myself the victor, not the victim.

Being married to Mommy for 5 and a half years has helped me a lot, via immersion, to learn how to say what I am wanting to say, in a way that others will hear it the way I want to say it.

Similarly, I have learned how to better understand what Mommy actually means versus what it naturally sounded like she was saying- because I was hearing hear with “man” ears.

I will always be very aware in helping you to speak. And I don’t just mean basic sentence structure and vocabulary, as I am right now with you only being 3 years old.

Basically, I mean for the rest of our shared lives- I will be here to help you know how to talk… like a man.

But more importantly, like a man who knows how to speak and listen in a way that is most efficiently understood by the listener; regardless of their gender.

Love,

Daddy

Image By Scratch Wireless

Infographic by Image By Scratch Wireless

Leave a comment Posted on July 20, 2014 parenting, Storytelling

Empathy For Dads Who Can’t See Their Kids Everyday

February 12, 2014 at 7:05 pm , by Nick Shell

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I think it’s very important for me to make a regular habit of trying to imagine myself in other people’s shoes. That’s an ability called empathy, by the way.

The older I get, the more perspectives I gain, by seeing life through the eyes of those who have had different experiences than me.

Something I think about sometimes is what it must be like for dads who are not able to see their kids on a daily basis; for whatever reason that may be.

I get to see you everyday. I get to experience life with you- even on those seemingly forgettable days where nothing particularly epic happens. But I am mindful to not take even those days for granted.

However, there a lot of dads who don’t get to see their kids except for certain days of the month.

It’s beyond sad for me to think about that; putting myself in that situation.

Where I work during the day at my H.R. job, I deal mostly with men- many of which only see their kids on the weekends or every other weekend.

Maybe that’s why I am thinking about this today.

If I am honestly and vulnerably putting myself in their shoes, I see such a devastating version of my life; without you, without Mommy too.

You’re part of me; you’re half of me- literally.

How could I function without seeing half of me everyday; a half of me that needs and desires my certain fatherly influence on a regular basis?

That’s beyond a tragedy when I imagine it personally.

So I don’t take it for granted at all that our family lives in the same house and sees each other each day.

I am thankful for what our family has- and I definitely don’t take it lightly. Because I make a habit of empathizing with others, the best I can. It puts things into perspective.

Love, Daddy