People

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People, Recaps

So I Married A Daddy Blogger: 3 Questions For My Wife

March 17, 2012 at 9:52 pm , by 

16 months.

Since my first daddy blog post on April 13, 2010, my wife Jill has been highly visible yet never heard; other than in short one-sentence quotes in my stories. Well, after nearly two years, that is going to change.

Today, I am handing the mic (actually the Mac) to the feminine side of The Dadabase.

After all, it’s basically because of her that my blog (on WordPress at the time) was eventually picked up by Parents.com. Jill sent an email to American Baby magazine about my daddy blog “Dad From Day One” a few months after I started it; then they decided to feature my blog in their October 2010 issue; which randomly is the cover featured at the top right side of this screen, underneath the header Family Fun.

That started a short chain of events leading me to this point. But not only do I have my wife to thank for getting me this kind of exposure; she also serves as my daily editor.

Anything too stupid, aimless, or chauvinistic-sounding; she either helps me decide to redirect it or nix it all together.

Without her, The Dadabase would be a bit different. (In fact, it would simply be “Dadabase.” She suggested the “the.”)

Now, let’s do a little interview.

If this blog were The Mommybase, how would the tone and topic material
differ as you cover your version of parenting Jack?

My version of The Mommybase and parenting would emphasize my realistic
perspective of it, whereas I see The Dadabase as your positively
optimistic and often abstract perspective. Parenting is one of the
most difficult journeys I have been on in my life– it changes you so
much in ways you’d never know until you had the opportunity to parent
a child.

It’s just like when we used to laugh about how other parents
would give us advise when I was pregnant and we’d think, “Sure, that’s
not gonna happen to us,” and then a few months down the road, it did!

I think The Mommybase would also serve as a place where mommies could
find answers to those everyday questions like, what should I be
feeding my 12 month old and do cloth diapers really work? It would be
a place for mommies to relate to one another in the loving moments, as
well as the frustrating ones (because we all know that comes with the
territory).

What has being exposed to my daily articles on fatherhood taught you
about the mind of a dad?

That dads love their children just as mommies do and have a high
regard for caring for and nurturing them the best way they know how.
Granted, the best way they know how is often coming up with bizarre
antics to entertain them! Daddies sincerely want to help, but may not
know how and just need some gentle guidance from a patient mommy to
make the household peaceful.

You have the last word. What do you want people to know about you as a mom?

I love my little boy with all of my heart and thank God for his
presence in our lives. I’m not always going to do or say the right
thing and I completely acknowledge that, but I’m learning as he grows
and I would just hope that others saw me as a good mommy to him.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

Can We Just Nix This Idea Of The Perfect “Supermom” Already?

March 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm , by 

15 months.

I think I’m getting annoyed by now when I hear moms contrast themselves to Supermom, a fictional character who flawlessly takes care of the kids and the house, and her husband, all while never having a hair fall out of place.

It’s ridiculous when moms continue to believe in this imaginary saint who is naturally better than them at being a mother.

I get it, though. Part of being a modern parent is to using self-deprecating humor.

Sure, a few specific jabs at our own parenting imperfections is healthy and funny. What I think needs to go is this concept, that as moms, you’re not already doing a wonderful job.

Who’s telling you you’re not a good enough mother, by the way?

Could it perhaps have something to do with exaggerated notions of other fellow moms you respect and subconsciously model yourselves after?

I’m going to say something now and you have to believe it, because it’s true.

You are Supermom.

No, as the daddy blogger of Parents.com I’m not trying to grow my female readership in some cheap attempt.

I just simply know the truth of the situation, as an outsider. You moms already do it all. And everybody else knows this. So just embrace the good reality already.

You are Supermom; the real-life version of her. The main difference I see is that the fictional version never complains. But is that a good thing? To never complain?

Nope. It’s absolutely necessary to communicate your frustrations as a parent.

In fact, as a dad, one of my biggest struggles is not that I contrast myself to Superdad, but that I am overly aware of how seemingly effortless moms seem to be at parenting.

If it weren’t for Supermoms, how in the world would Superdads ever know what we are doing?

Please don’t be your own Kryptonite. Instead, be kind to yourself today… Supermom.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

3 Ways Kids Serve As Status Symbols For Their Parents

March 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm , by 

15 months.

By default, if you have a kid then you have a definite status symbol as an adult; it means, if nothing else, you are a parent who can relate to other parents. Having a kid says a lot about you without you having to say a word.

You know first-hand the cliches of parenthood: the lack of sleep, the financial worries, the stress on your marriage, the frustration of not knowing what you’re doing in general as a parent.

Kids serve as a status symbol for all those things, just as they also represent all the rewards of parenting. And I don’t just mean the sentimental, unconditional love aspects of it; which are definitely both priceless and undeniable.

Today I want to point out 3 ways that kids serve as status symbols for their parents, in more of the “what’s in it for me?” aspects:

1. Their activities. A more re-occurring issue which adds to the stress level of being a parent is the growing number of activities their kid is involved in.

Bonus points for the parent with the greatest amount of driving time in between their child’s swim lessons, soccer practice, and Mandarin Chinese language classes.

Because we all know how it works; the more running around and wearing yourself out in the name of parenting, the better of a parent you are.

2. Their cuteness. It doesn’t take two good-looking parents to make one good-looking kid. Yay for average looking parents! Gone are the days where you have to keep a dozen pictures of your kid in your wallet or posted up on your cubicle wall at work. Hello Facebook and Twitter…

3. Their material possessions. From strollers to shoes and clothes to educational toys to cell phones to cars, there are still plenty of ways to let other parents know that your kid is worth it. As Forrest Gump’s mama told him, “There’s only so much fortune a man really needs, and the rest is just for showing off.”

Good thing we have our kids to help send that message.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

4 Out Of 5 Parents Spank Their Kids… Really? That Many?

February 27, 2012 at 6:24 am , by 

15 months.

According to a recent poll here on Parents.com, 81% of parents have spanked their child at least once and 22% do so on a weekly basis.

That amazes me! So many, huh?

In our overly politically correct society, sometimes I feel like we can be expected to believe that the only ones who endorse spanking are the wacko, ultra-conservative religious cult members who are ultimately featured on a creepy episode of NBC’s Dateline.

It doesn’t help that the book To Train Up A Child is currently being linked to fatal child abuse cases; no matter how much the book actually had to do with the abuse.

Therefore, we evidently must leave it to Super Nanny to show us the right way to discipline our children: putting them in “time out.”

I was spanked as a child; like most of us, I assume. (At least 81% of us, right?)

Yet, arguably, I’m a pretty normal guy. I’m not psychologically traumatized nor am I an abusive husband or father.

So I say, spanking is harmless when not excessive. But here’s my question: Is spanking necessary?

Honestly, I don’t know yet: My kid is only 15 months old.

The funny thing is, up until very recently, I was a supporter of spanking. But after several talks about it between my wife and me, I updated my opinion on the issue.

Here’s what I would like to believe:

That if A) I am properly setting practical, not legalistic, behavioral boundaries for my son, B) I am consistently following through with discipline (from “time out”  to having privileges taken away) every time he breaks the rules, C) I am clearly and positively communicating with him why he is being punished and D) I am assuring him that no matter what he ever does he can never cause me to love him any less, that it will never come down to the last resort of me having to spank him.

It seems to me that if I do A through D and none of that works, then hitting my child with my hand or a wooden paddle or a belt wouldn’t resolve the issue any better.

But hey, I’ve said before that I have this habit of every 5 yearsrealizing what an idiot I was 5 years ago, so maybe this is just another classic example of me opening my big mouth and being a naive idiot again.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll truly be part of that 19%, the minority that doesn’t spank my child. I definitely plan to be.

No matter how polarized or politically correct our society is on this issue, I think here’s the heart of it: We believe in the importance of disciplining our kids.

Back in April 2010 when my wife was pregnant with our son and I was still “pro-spanking,” someone made a $5 bet with me that I “won’t have it in me” to spank my child when he gets older- that those big watery eyes and that quivering lip would cause me to cave.

I wonder if this means I lose the bet now? It’s not that I don’t have it in me to spank him, because I do. But I think my alternative plan will be just as effective.

After all, we can’t assume that the 19% of the people out there who were “unspanked” as kids are the ones keeping our prisons full, or at least earning 15 minutes of shame on the show Cops.

Does it really make a difference in the end whether a child is spanked, as long as the child is A) loved and B) disciplined?

Top image: Strict father punishes his son, via Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

Dadvice #1: Why Doesn’t My Husband Help More With Baby and Chores?

February 24, 2012 at 10:33 pm , by