parenting

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7 Reasons This Dad Wants a Chevy Volt

December 9, 2011 at 6:28 am , by 

One year.

A life motto of mine is, “The secret to having it all is believing you already do.”

I choose the simple life as much as possible, as an American. The last time I can remember truly yearning for a particular material item was probably back when I was a kid, before the Internet was practical and/or relevant; back when the phrase “cell phone” was automatically linked to “Zack Morris.”

There is so much power in not wanting. It can cause a person to truly ignore advertisements.

With that being said, I am a man who is struggling in his principles right now, because I really, really, really want a Chevy Volt… as much as I wanted a regular Nintendo in 1988.

The folks at Chevy reached out to my family recently, inviting us to go on a road trip in sunny Florida; starting in Naples, adventuring through the Everglades and the Florida Keys, and ending in Key West.

As a 30 year-old dad with a wife and a one year-old son, I represent an important and valuable demographic. By participating in a glorified test drive of the Chevy Volt, my family would illustrate the car… in real life.

So Chevy’s experiment ended up with extremely positive results, because now I share with the world the 7 reasons this dad (really!) wants a Chevy Volt:

1. For the entire 302 mile drive, I never had to fill up the gas tank. In fact, by the time the trip ended in Key West, I’m pretty sure I still had more than 3/4 of the tank left. The Volt goes about 35 miles on its electric energy before switching over to gas power, where it averages around 37 miles a gallon.

2. The car is flat-out cool. For a guy who’s not hip enough to have Internet on my  phone, you can imagine what an awesome culture shock it was to use OnStar for the first time in my life. I called them to find out directions to the nearest Starbucks (for my wife) and they instantly downloaded the directions to the car.

Not to mention, I got to experience hands-free cell phone use through the car’s speakers, XM radio, and if I wanted to, I could have watched a DVD on the Volt’s built-in GPS screen. Plus, the one I drove was black with black and red interior. It totally made me think of Knight Rider.

3. It was the perfect size for me. To be the most fuel-efficient compact car sold in the United States, it didn’t feel small. Obviously, we had my son Jack’s car seat in the back, along with all our luggage, including his Pack-N-Play crib; but we still had plenty of room left.

4. The Volt is the perfect status symbol. Driving a Volt says, “I can afford a $40,000 car (minus a $7,500 U.S. federal tax credit) but A) I spend hardly anything on gas and B) I care about the environment.

5. It drives perfectly. Imagine driving a hovering cloud but not hearing a motor.

6. The Chevy Volt is an American car. Born and raised in south Detroit… Plus, I’m pretty sure the Volt is the answer to the age-old question, “What would Jesus drive?”

7. Driving the car makes you part of an elite club of  Volt owners. It’s a Volt thing, you wouldn’t understand. Ever heard of the “Volt handshake?” (It involves one of those prank electric buzzers.)

Until the year 2015 brings us the flying car (as featured in Back to the Future, Part II) I will gladly settle for the next coolest car until then, a black and red Chevy Volt.

It actually did kind of remind me of a DeLorean and… and KITT from Knight Rider combined.

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Grocery Shopping with a Toddler at Publix

December 8, 2011 at 8:26 pm , by 

One year.

In my mind, taking a one year-old little boy grocery shopping is supposed to be a nightmare. Maybe that comes later. Because as for now, Jack sure doesn’t mind accompanying us in part of our Sunday-after-church ritual: buying groceries at Publix.

More importantly, he’s not at all annoying while we are there. Instead, he is always easily entertained. That makes me happy.

Here recently, the event became more fun than ever, for the whole family, as Jack  is now age and size appropriate for the cool “kids” grocery cart.

One of my rules as a dad is to over-stimulate him as much as possible to keep him engaged (and to get him tired enough to take regular naps) without relying on electronic devices to catch his attention to do it.

I want him to be awed by the beauty of nature. Or at least a big grocery store; equipped with high ceilings, bright lights, healthy food, and plenty of random people to stare at.

When Jack is cruisin’ in his hot rod shopping cart, it’s like he thinks he’s a famous local celebrity in a hometown parade.

Of course, I admit, it won’t be that long before he can talk. And I know what that means:

“I want that!”

Yeah, I don’t want to think about that right now. I’ll just let him keep thinking he’s the head of the parade.

 

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Cooler As An Uncle Than As A Dad

December 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm , by 

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5 Reasons This Dad Despises New Year’s Resolutions

December 3, 2011 at 10:28 pm , by 

One year.

Today I’m assuming the role of a motivational speaker. So imagine yourself at some big pretentious conference out in Seattle, having just enjoyed a ham sandwich boxed lunch (it was included in the price).

I’m not so sure why I approved pork for lunch when I myself am kosher, but let’s move past that little glitch in our mutually shared daydream.

Equipped with laser pointer in hand and appropriately slicked back hair, I run up on stage while Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” blares on the Peavey speakers, after some other guy you’ve never heard of has just introduced me to the audience to make me seem more important and famous than I am.

Here are the notes I would be speaking from, regarding the topic, Five Reasons This Dad Despises New Year’s Resolutions:

1. New Year’s Resolutions promote procrastination. If it’s really that important to you, you would make your life change today, right now; whether it’s to start exercising and eating right, to stop smoking or cursing, or to start going to church. If this proposed life change were so darn important, it wouldn’t be able to wait until January.

2. They’re simply ineffective. I have never met anyone in my entire life who has ever made a big life change because of a New Year’s Resolution. They are a quirky American tradition that hold no traditionally proven outcome.

3. They direct your focus on conforming along with the world’s agenda, not your own. Why decide to make a major change based on a calendar date that someone else chose for you? After all, this is a personal issue; so treat it like one.

4. They set you up for failure. Given the horrible track record of New Year’s Resolutions, along with the likelihood that you’ve already attempted this feat before in previous years, why reinforce the idea that this life change of yours really is too hard, based on failed attempts before. In other words, change the date from January 1st to today.

5. New Year’s Resolutions have simply become a joke. Throughout the next couple of weeks as you hear coworkers and friends ask each other, “So what’s on your list of resolutions for 2012?” notice the underlying tone that seems to say: It’s not like it matters anyway. And we secretly know this.

As a dad, it’s crucial for me to be the example. I’m obsessed with keeping my word and following through with my decisions. I want my son to always know that despite my long list of imperfections and downfalls, when I said I was going to do something (or not do it) that my actions would immediately and permanently speak louder than words.

Image (top): 2012 Goals via Shutterstock.

Unexpected Bonus!

Maybe your intended New Year’s Resolution was going to be to get your kids to read more. In that case, you can win a free book right now called Mary’s Son: A Tale of Christmas. The book, which is the winner of three Mom’s Choice awards, is a modern-day story in which a mysterious old man named Nicholas shares the true meaning of Christmas with two young people.

 

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7 Tips for Planning a 1 Year-Old’s Birthday Party

December 2, 2011 at 6:51 pm , by 

One year.

Your child’s first birthday party is coming up. Don’t freak out- I’m here to help. Just follow these 7 easy steps and your child’s birthday will be a piece of cake! (Insert laugh tracks here.)

1) Have a theme that somehow symbolizes your child’s personality. Because our son Jack regularly speaks in a foreign robotic-sounding language and has walking skills that have just been recently programmed, we decided to go with a robot theme. My wife renamed the snacks accordingly: “computer chips” for corn chips with salsa, “nuts and bolts” for Chex mix, and “spare parts” for veggies.

2. Do it after lunch time. Jack’s party was from 2PM to 4PM on a Saturday. The light snacks and heavy desserts served as a great follow-up to whatever everyone had for lunch. Also, that time slot assured that Jack would not be in need of a nap.

3. Invite the very most supportive people. If it were up to me, I would have invited all of the readers of The Dadabase into my home. But we had to draw the line somewhere; which for us, were the people who came to visit us when we moved to Alabama. (We since moved back to Nashville.) This ended up making the total number of people around 18, but thanks to Jack being such an outgoing baby, he didn’t get overwhelmed by everyone.

4. Let the birthday kid be the entertainment. At Jack’s party, there were no games. Instead, our son simply was the show. Especially for the fact he had just begun walking a few weeks prior, it was cool to watch him play with all his random toys. This kept a good vibe going from the very beginning; which naturally helped people to start conversations with each other, since many of them had never met before.

5. Have other people take pictures for you. Three of my guests had better cameras and picture-taking skills than me. So I didn’t have to sacrifice my hosting duties due to the need to visually document the whole shebang.

6. Serve cupcakes instead of a traditional birthday cake. I didn’t want my wife to bother with making some perfect cake for everyone. So since we knew Jack loves anything with bananas, everyone got a banana (or chocolate) cupcake along with some premium ice cream from Publix. It was more fun and original with cupcakes.

7. Open the presents quickly. Don’t wait for picture op’s or for your kid to completely unwrap each gift. I started a tear in each gift and let Jack pull it along a tad, then I instantly finished the job. This way, everyone had more time to actually watch Jack play with their gift, instead of drawing the whole process out.

I have to say: Jack’s first birthday party really was a breeze. We kept it simple and organized; and therefore very stress-free. Not to mention, we had Jack Johnson playing in the background.

Well, would you like to see some pictures from Jack’s party? Our friends Jeremy and Cheryl Crawford, who are expecting their first child literally any minute now, took these for us.

Travel now to The Dadabase Facebook wall to further this adventure, where you will find the photo album, “Jack’s 1st Birthday Party.”

Here’s the invitation design we bought off Etsy from “BusyBeeDesign1.”