What My Kid Really Hears When I Read To Him

July 17, 2012 at 11:16 pm , by 

20 months.

My son Jack has been learning to read for several months now. At first, “reading” consisted of him going through his books,  pointing at and saying the animals he knew the name of.

These days, he has added some filler:

“Sah-soo joop mah loo kit. So so so top. Elmo. Guhpo took toe. Bird. Fah lom moosey…”.

In other words, he confidently speaks Gibberish (or maybe it’s Thai?) until he recognizes something on the page he recognizes.

For those familiar items, he speaks them slowly and clearly. Then back to kellee goo soss jot.

What this shows me is how he hears my wife and I when we read books to him.

It’s like Charlie Brown’s teachers and their “wahmp-wahmp-wahmp…” until we say a word he knows.

One of Jack’s new favorite books is Arlo Needs Glasses. It’s one of those 3-D pop-up books, which obviously Jack can appreciate, as well as, depreciate; when he accidently tears an item off the page in all his excitement.

He likes to try on the 4 sets of glasses that come with the book, which are intended for Arlo, the protagonist of the book.

And despite Arlo not being the household name that Elmo is, Jack definitely knows who Arlo the dog is:

“Fop dit yoof bog. Arlo. Dog. Whee! Siwween vox boey. Arlo…”.

Yes, I am simply Charlie Brown’s teacher at this point.

 

So I Snuck My Toddler Into A Racquetball Court…

July 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm , by 

20 months.

After Jack finished his swim lesson Saturday at the rec center with his best friend Henry, the two of them somehow ended up wandering into the racquetball court across the hall.

As to mock the 2011 trend/cliche of three one-word sentences, let me put it this way:

Best. Idea. Ever.

Toddlers and racquetball courts are the best combination since Simon and Garfunkel. Why?

Because A) your kid is able to run as fast as they can without any obstacles B) in an overly acoustic room which magnifies their shouts of joy and delight C) plus it burns off plenty of energy, just in time for afternoon nap time in the car ride home.

Oh, and also because it’s hilarious to watch.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that a racquetball court is the ideal environment for a toddler during playtime.

We all know how those inflatable jumpy things are so popular to rent out for kids’ birthday parties.

Well, imagine the spendor of seeing toddlers running while screaming as loud as they can, yet not having to listen to them because you’re standing outside of the nearly sound-proof room, watching through the window.

Granted, there was always at least one of us parents in there supervising. We all sort of rotated out of the court because watching them play through the window was wonderful entertainment.

Now, was what we did as parents breaking the rules? The sign above the door instructed all racquetball players to sign in at the front desk before entering the court.

However, it didn’t say anything about non-players having to sign in at the front desk before entering.

And as the saying goes, sometimes it’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. Turns out, we didn’t have to ask for either. Because none of the employees noticed.

If you would like to see more pictures of the glorious event, teleport to The Dadabase’s Facebook wall.

Oh, and…. you’re welcome for my awesome idea.

We’ll see you on the “racket” ball court!

“Your Son Looks Just Like Your Wife!” Said No One Ever

July 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm , by 

19 months.

Earlier this week I published a similarly named article about how my son looks nothing like me. And people agreed; as I have gathered from the comments.

There were some people who saw me in the shape of my son’s eyes, forehead, and potentially his nose.

Even though I felt the article was a stand-alone work, I now see the need for the sequel. Time to compare my son to his Mommy, this time around.

When people try to figure out who Jack looks like more, they by default choose my wife. I want to dissect that.

Granted, no one has ever said, “Your son looks just like your wife!”

At best, they say, “Your son sort of looks like your wife… a little bit.”

The fact that our biological son doesn’t really resemble either of us makes me think of the classic sitcom, Full House.

Sure, it was great. But it always bothered me that DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle shouldn’t have looked the way they did.

Danny Tanner was played by Jewish actor Bob Saget. And his unseen wife and the mother of his kids was a Greek-American; her extremely dark-featured brother Jesse Katsopolis made that evident.

Well, the Tanner kids sure came out vanilla.

And then to make matters worse, when Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky had twin boys, Nicky and Alex, they were even more fair-complected and blonder than the Tanner girls.

The casting always bothered me on Full House because the kids didn’t look like they should have come from those parents.

But boy, am I one to talk.

If my wife and I were cast as parents in an 80′s sitcom, our son Jack wouldn’t be cast as our son. Unless the casting director was the same as the one for Full House.

So go ahead, help me see how Jack looks like my wife Jill.

I would have said they have similar eyes, but that was one of the few ways he resembles me, according to some.

Maybe their noses… from the front?

I agree that he will have my Italian nose when it’s all said and done.

(Though my wife is just as Italian as I am.)

When Jack was an infant, I said he reminded me of Jill’s dad, who passed away a few months after Jill and I got married 4 years ago.

Looking back through pictures from the weekend of our wedding, I found this picture of him. I still believe Jack resembles her dad; who was pretty much half-Norwegian and half-Irish.

So help me sort this out.

Does Jack look somewhat like his Mommy? And do you see the resemblance I see between my wife’s dad and Jack?

Oh, and I’ve been told several times that my wife and I could pass for brother and sister.

Even if we look alike, our son doesn’t.

 

Why I’m Weird About My Kid Drinking Juice

July 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm , by 

19 months.

“Jewish?” asks my son Jack every Saturday and Sunday morning. His pronunciation of the word “juice” is still a little off.

Be glad you’re not my kid. In the economy of food at our house, juice is just one notch down from holy and sanctified.

Or liquor.

When can Jack have juice? Only on the weekends, in the kitchen. And it’s 100% organic juice, which we water down greatly.

(He can drink a little bit of  juice when he’s sick, like right now.)

Why am I so weird about my letting my kid drink juice? At least it’s not soda, right? Or some sugary, food-dyed cocktail.

People across the world and throughout time have wondered why we’re all here; as in, what’s the meaning of life?

Similarly, everyday thousands of people are looking for an answer to help get rid of their kid’s eczema.

Well, I have an answer.

For nearly a decade, I suffered from excruciating eczema; in particular, dyshidrosis.

Mine is completely in remission now, but only because I radically changed my diet and lifestyle. About three years ago when I starting experimenting with ways to get my “Freddy Krueger hands” to stop oozing, I discovered that if I stopped drinking juice for a couple of days, my skin condition improved.

So I stopped drinking juice all together.

While my son may look nothing like me, he did inherit my sensitive skin condition and he is prone to eczema.

And sure enough, if he drinks more than one serving of juice for more than one day in a row, the back of his neck and his thighs break out.

This didn’t happen just one time. It happens every time. In fact, I’m pretty sure his eczema will bad tomorrow with how much juice I’ve let him drink since he got sick a few days ago.

But why does 100% organic juice make eczema worse?

Because it’s a processed food.

The vitamin-packed juice of the fruit is separated from the healthy fiber of the fruit. Together, the juice and fiber digest properly in our bodies.

But apart, it’s messin’ with nature and stuff.

That’s why we feed Jack actual fruits and veggies, even if we have to puree them and mix them together. So he gets all the nutrition he needs from the whole fruit or veggie.

And that’s why he thinks prunes and broccolitaste good.

Jack’s dentist, Dr. Snodgrass, even warns against giving kids juice regularly, in his brochures. The high consistency of sugar in juice, especially when the child sleeps with a sippy cup full of juice, can lead to cavities.

This is taken from the guidelines of The American Academy of Pediatrics in regards to the subject:

  • Babies and toddlers should not drink fruit juice at bedtime.
  • For children ages 1 to 6, intake of fruit juice should be limited to 4 to 6 ounces per day (about a half to three-quarters of a cup).
  • Drinking too much juice can lead to poor nutrition, diarrhea, gas, abdominal pain, bloating, and tooth decay.
  • All children should be encouraged to eat whole fruits.

So am I really that weird after all when it comes to being extremely conservative about my kid drinking juice?

I invite you to read a blog by Lisa Leake, who is not okay with juice either. Her blog is 100 Days of Real Food.

Here’s what she had to say today on her Facebook wall:

“A few readers have asked what my kids drink besides milk and water…and I hate to say it, but the answer is not much! They occasionally have juice (which is usually store-bought 1-ingredient organic apple juice) and by occasional I mean 1 – 2 cups per week on average and it’s diluted with water.”

The way I see it, a kid drinking juice is like an adult drinking alcohol. It is to be consumed in moderation.

So that’s how it’s treated in our house:

Juice is “baby booze.”

 

Toddler Potty Training 101: Father To Son

July 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm , by 

19 months.

*Warning: Contains oversharenting.

Early this morning I was getting ready to leave the house to take my son Jack to his doctor at Vanderbilt when I explained to him:

“Wait, son. I need to go pee-pee first.”

I left the bathroom door open so I could make sure he didn’t charge towards the potentially dangerous staircase, which he never does. Instead, he walked up to me, standing just far enough away from the toilet to be in the safe zone.

Jack watched the “waterfall” go into the potty in amazement and wonder. I felt he needed a sophisticated commentary.

“See, son. Pee-pee is coming out of Dada’s… hose.”

Yes. Hose.

That’s the best I could come up with, given the lack of sleep I received because of him waking up at 3:30 AM due to his fever.

But hey, I was just trying to relate it to something he could appreciate. And knowing that Jack loves playing with the water hose, it made the most sense in that split-second, unplanned moment.

I saw the yearning in his eyes: I could tell that my son totally wants to “spray his hose” into the potty.

To seal the deal properly, as I flushed the toilet I waved goodbye to the potty water as I emphatically proclaimed, “Bye bye, pee-pee! Bye bye!”

(Because Jack says “bye-bye” to everyone and everything, I knew he would appreciate this.)

My wife and I are in no hurry to potty train our child. I just want to plant that seed in his mind, though. I want to him to know that when he’s a little bit older, he will have the privilege of getting to do what Dada does.

I want him to believe that he’s missing out. And after seeing his reactions to my recent habit of glorifying going pee-pee in the potty, I think my plan is working.

Here lately Jack is indeed growing more aware of “pee-pee” anyway. He has this new thing he will do at the house where he will announce to me:

“Pee-pee.”

He’s literally letting me know that it’s time for me to change his diaper.

But because of his inability to make all the vowel sounds so far, “poo-poo” is pronounced the same as “pee-pee.”

Either way, I’m impressed by his new trick. My toddler actually tells me when it’s time to change his diaper.

The days of me mindlessly changing his diapers and him being unaware of why I’m doing it are over. Now he knows why!

I think he deserves a trendy Pee-Pee Awareness ribbon just for that alone.