parenting

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The Age When Bathing With A Child Becomes Inappropriate

December 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

I know that it’s normal for parents to bathe with their kids…up to a certain age.

After all, it saves water and time; both of which should be treated as the commodities they are.

So I also assume that in most American households it’s not so unusual for a child to bathe with a sibling either…but only up to a certain age.

Honestly, I’m not really sure when that age for me was. I just know that at some point family nudity became a thing of the foggy past.

There was no official conversation, no family talk about it, no overt incident where in the likeness of the fall of Adam and Eve, I suddenly realized it was a strange thing to be naked in front of (and with) my family.

But here’s the thing…

I have no plans to bathe with you; as in, I’m in the same bath water or under the same shower nozzle as you. It’s just a personal thing I guess, but I would rather help you bathe while I’m outside of the tub, instead of in the tub with you.

Somehow that makes me feel more in control of the process; like your bath director.

There are many things in this world that I am willing to share with you as your dad, but I don’t think I want bath water to be one of them.

That may seem like a double standard because I so quickly support you coming in the bathroom to watch me use the potty standing up.

For me though, there’s a difference. One seems natural and normal while the other makes me feel uncomfortable, somehow.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll cave when and if you end up with a brother or sister and I find myself so strapped for time that I actually think it’s easier to bathe with you. I can’t know for sure.

Maybe my hesitation has to do with the fact that I perceive taking a shower as a daily ritual where I can truly zone out. Maybe I just don’t want to sacrifice one of the few times of the day where I can actually do nothing and not be responsible for about 12 minutes.

And maybe this is simply more proof that I have no desire to be a helicopter parent. Attachment parenting is just not my style, kid.

I don’t know what percentage of parents, dads in particular, bathe with their young children. Assuming that percentage is the majority, I apologize in advance for all the trauma I will cause you by not sharing bathwater with you.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Bogarting Toys Instead Of Passing And Sharing Them With A Friend

December 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

I’m willing to admit: Sharing is a more difficult concept than it sounds.

For the past several months now, I have noticed, and having caught on camera, you bogarting your toys.

By that, I mean that you often carry around 2 or 3 toys at a time, holding them closely to your chest like you just got released from serving time in the slammer.

This is something you do whether you’re just with me and Mommy or you’re playing alongside a friend.

Based on my observations of the way you play with others, I’m assuming your daycare teaches that if a kid is already playing with a toy, another kid can’t just come up and take it away from you; forcing you to “share.”

When you’re forced to share, you’re not really sharing; not from your heart, at least.

In time, you’ll grow to understand the importance of truly sharing; meaning you willingly sacrifice something you care about, on your own initiative, to help someone out because you recognize the personal and moral responsibility of giving to those who have less than you do.

For now, what you usually do when another kid tries to take your toy is you quickly find a different toy and hand it to them.

I like that. It promotes a peace of mind for you, knowing that you aren’t forced to share the exact toy you’re playing with whenever someone else wants it.

Another reason I like this concept is because I don’t want you thinking you can just go up to any other kid and take his toy away. That could either make you a bully or make you be bullied.

I know that right now this is a bit confusing.

After all, at daycare, all those toys are shared among the community. But at home, those toys really are yours. Hence, the popular toddler catch phrase, “MINE!”

So I get it that you want to bogart your own toys when you’re not at daycare. You want to have a sense of ownership since, most of your weekday hours, you don’t.

Sharing is a challenging thing to grasp right now, beyond the rules of your daycare. One day, though, you will choose to share from your heart, instead of because of policy.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Of All The Siblings Who Never Existed

December 7, 2012 at 10:48 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

There’s the near daily discussion between Mommy and I about the possibility, in the future, at least a year from now, of us possibly trying to have another baby. Yes, that would mean a younger brother or sister for you.

We can easily think of good reasons we would want you to be an only child. We can also easily think of good reasons for you to have a sibling.

As far as why you should have a sibling, there’s one weird reason that keeps popping up in my head; one that Mommy has never mentioned.

So I guess I have to file it in the “Daddy’s Deep Thoughts” folder. Here it is:

I think about all the potential siblings who would never be born if we just stopped with you.

It just seems weird to only have one more. Why not two more? Why not five? Why not ten?

At some point for financial, logistical, and other practical reasons, that “one more kid” finally becomes one too many.

How am I supposed to know who the final little brother or sister is supposed to be?

Half of me is wired like Jim Bob Duggar, while the other half is wired like every parent in the history of the world who was content with their decision to only have one child.

I mean, to a certain degree, God leaves it up to Mommy and I to decide how many more lives to bring into the existence of this world.

Really? God is okay with my input in that decision?

No matter how many (or few!) brothers or sisters you end up having, or not having at all, much of that responsibility falls on your parents.

We have less than a decade to decide…for us, for you, and for all the siblings who will never exist.

 

Love,

Daddy

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The Masculine Version Of A Tea Party, Part 1

December 6, 2012 at 10:32 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

You have no desire for tea parties.

The thought of you pretending to drink tea and eat delicate crumpets with me while we sit at your Thomas the Train folding table… well, you would just try to wreck the party by plowing through the tea cups with your 4×4 monster school bus or your army of trains.

“Daddy, sit.” That’s what you tell me when you want me to play cars with you at your play table.

You are wired to choose action involving crashes and messes, not role-playing a sophisticated brunch.

Right now our version of having a tea party is pretending to be worried after a train falls off the table, serving as a cliff, because one of us deliberately pushed the thing off the edge. (That plot line is then repeated about 23 times.)

I have great plans for us, Son.

Eventually our “tea parties” will turn into us playing gentlemen’s games like chess, where sitting across the table from each other, we shall sharpen our strategic skills.

From there, we will move up to me teaching you to solve the Rubik’s Cube. We’ll see if you can find a way to beat my own average solve time of 3 minutes, 20 seconds.

Yes, you and I are usually pretty physically rough when we play.

Sometimes you ride on my back as I crawl across the carpet, pretending to be a hungry and angry lion, attempting to shrug you off and eat you for dinner.

Other times you want me to scare you as I hide in the corner, pretend to sleep, then suddenly jump up and act like I am smothering you as I gently lay on top of you, putting all my body weight on the floor, and none of it on you.

But for the times you feel like playing like a gentleman, we take out all that aggressive action on your toys.

Either way, we don’t do tea parties, we do demolition parties.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Free Craft Activity For Kids: Home Depot’s Little Helper Headquarters

December 5, 2012 at 11:53 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

You are sharpening your handyman skills quicker and more professionally than I am.

Last weekend we took you to meet your friend Sophie Culpepper atHome Depot’s Little Helper Headquarters, where once a month they have a free craft activity for kids.

We are now are the proud new owners of a wooden picture frame that you made.

Okay, so actually, it was me who glued the 4 pieces of wood together, then drove the nails through, as well.

But afterwards, you got to swing the hammer, while wearing your safety goggles, of course.

If we keep this up, it’s going to be you teaching me how to make bookshelves and change out a bathroom sink, along with all those other things I’m already supposed to know how to do because I’m your dad.

It used to be that I never really cared too much about learning how to do handyman stuff. However, when you came along 2 years ago, I started feeling a greater responsibility to become more involved in fixing stuff around the house.

That’s actually part of the reason the logo for The Dadabase is a wrench.

Becoming a dad inspired me to want to become Mr. Fix It; even it’s the worst version, which is any token sitcom dad of the 1980′s. I feel responsible for teaching you how to work with tools.

The thing is, I barely own any tools. But every time Mommy assigns us a new job, together you and I will figure it out, buying the necessary tools along the way.

It’s just like when I started this whole being a dad thing. I never really knew what I was doing, yet you never seemed to notice.

Sometimes the best way to teach someone is by learning in the moment, out of necessity. I have a feeling that’s going to be the way I teach you a lot of things in life, Son.

Here goes nothing…

 

Love,

Daddy