Nostalgia

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When I Was Your Age, It Was The Early 80′s

July 1, 2012 at 7:30 am , by 

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Why I Like To Scare Kids, Especially My Own

June 27, 2012 at 11:45 pm , by 

19 months.

This past weekend my uncle Al bought Jack a toy Spiderman (hockey?) mask. While it was a bit too big for my son, it was still large enough to fit me.

So needless to say, I became Spiderman. But not the friendly neighborhood Spiderman who we all know and love.

No, instead, I was a creepy, henchman-style Spiderman who liked to slowly sneak up on my son from the other side of the room while he watched me lurk toward him the whole time.

Imagine being a 19 month-old toddler and seeing your dad wearing a Spiderman mask while saying your name through his teeth as he eventually grabs your leg and pretends to eat it.

Just for the record, Jack wasn’t terrified. He won’t need counseling for this. (At least, I don’t think so… yet.)

I could tell it was a thrill for him. He did like it, though he definitely had to remind himself that it wasn’t actually a crossbreed between Jason Voorhees and Spiderman.

Jack has always been a very mellow kid and sometimes I enjoy the challenge of finding new ways to get him to laugh through my idiotic behavior.

In case I’m managing to make myself seem psychologically unstable, allow me to make it worse by elaborating.

It’s not just my own kid I like to scare, it’s all kids.

When I walk into Jack’s daycare, I become “Mr. Teeth” to Jack’s friends. It’s the character who has no lips but who just chatters his teeth and waves.

After a couple of months of meeting Mr. Teeth, some of Jack’s friends have finally started doing it back when I walk in now.

To my one year-old niece, Calla, I am known as Uncle Possum. I make the most hideous face I can, and trust me, it’s unsightly, and I get right in her face to see if I can get a reaction.

What I love is she just stares right back at me as if to say, “You’re no big deal. I’m not afraid of you.”

To toddlers and babies, I am the equivalent to those monsters in the book Where The Wild Things Are. Friendly and harmless, yet still technically a monster.

Kids like to be surprised. So with my mildly scaring them, I help them test their limits and at the same time entertain them in a fresh new way.

So far, I have only made one kid cry because of my antics. And he cried for like 20 minutes… after I left the room and got out of sight.

It was bad.

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My Son’s New Power Tool: The Water Hose

June 25, 2012 at 11:24 pm , by 

19 months old.

This past weekend while in Alabama celebrating Jack’s cousin Calla’s first birthday, Jack decided that his new plastic pet dog and duck needed a bath.

My dad, who Jack calls Papa, found a make-shift wading pool so Jack could take proper care of his furry friends. I mean, I’m sure Cujo and Mutant Duck needed a good cool-down as they were getting pretty smelly in the hot summer sun.

So Jack was introduced to a new power tool: The water hose.

I imagined he would go crazy with it right away. But instead, he took on the demeanor of a middle-aged man joyfully yet carefully working on a weekend project involving power tools.

My dad helped show Jack how the nozzle on the hose could change the speed and intensity of  the water shooting out.

It was at that point that the inevitable finally happened:

Yes, Jack turned the weapon on his Papa.

As you can see from these pictures, Jack had a blast…

Or maybe it was my dad who had the blast, literally.

This was definitely one of those unplanned, accidental good memories that wouldn’t have been quite as good if it were planned.

It was completely spontaneous. Jack didn’t have time to switch to swim clothes first.

All I know is I was talking to my mom and sister in the kitchen, then Jill walked in and said:

“Come here, you have to see this!”

It was the perfect result of my son’s quest for adventure and my dad’s knack for making adventures out of ordinary things lying around the house.

On the drive back to Nashville yesterday, Jill and I were talking about how we wish there was some way Jack could actually remember this event happening.

Well, I have a feeling we’ll be doing this spontaneous, unplanned water show again the next time we visit.

For more pictures of the water show, visit The Dadabase’s Facebook and click on the photo album, Jack’s Farm/Zoo.

 

 

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How I Get My Kid To Smile For Pictures

June 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm , by 

19 months.

Last Friday morning as Jack was enjoying his sliced banana and whole wheat French toast breakfast, he randomly picked up one of the morsels of bread and pretended it was a rocket ship: “Vvvvrrrooo…”.

In an attempt to capture that classic moment of toddler randomness, I grabbed my camera from the counter and stepped up to Jack.

Well, I missed him piloting his magical French toast morsel, but even better, Jack broke away from his fantasy world and smiled really big for the camera.

He knows what the camera is for now. In other words, he has broken the fourth wall in his human state of awareness.

I should point out, though, that Jack isn’t so much wanting to make exciting pictures for some potential audience.

No.

He does this for his own entertainment.

Jack knows that as soon as I take an up-close picture of him, I will reward him by showing him the picture on the small screen on my camera. He gets to see the artwork.

I can imagine he is somewhat fascinated by the fact he is able to fit in that little box; the camera screen. And Elmo gets to travel with him.

It somehow reminds me of on the 1971 classic movie Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, when Mike Teevee gets shrunken into Wonkavision.

Fortunately, Jack doesn’t remain only a few inches tall when it’s all done.

Needless to say, when I was Jack’s age back in September 1982 eating my Cookie Crisp cereal with a banana in hand, there was no such thing as instant gratification when it came to taking pictures.

Even by the time I got to Junior High, a disposable camera was still only as instant as things really got.

Of course, Polaroids existed but my parents never got one because they said the quality of the pictures looked too cheap.

The real irony is that now people use Instagram to help make their pictures purposely look like Polaroids; instantly.

So if you’re having trouble getting your toddler to smile for the camera, try the instant reward system of showing your kid their picture from two seconds ago.

Be warned though; a common side effect may include a tad too much enthusiasm , as seen in the picture of Jack eating his French toast.

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My Toddler’s [Bleep] Potty Mouth

June 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm , by ‘

19 months.

My son’s pronunciation of words is much limited right now. For example, “cookie” sounds a lot different when it comes out of his mouth. In fact, it’s pretty difficult for me to keep a straight face. Why?

He hasn’t learned the “k” sound yet. And the “oo” vowel sound is more of a short “i” sound.

I’ll put it this way. “Cookie” becomes a word that rhymes with “pity” but starts with a “t” instead of a “p”.

On top of that, when Jack asks for a cookie after dinner, he generally whines for it. Hearing a toddler whine for that is pretty hilarious.

But sometimes, his “k” sound is more of an “sh” sound, making “cookie” another equally censor-worthy word in the land of toddlers.

So either it sounds like he’s upset because he wants to return to the early days of being breastfed or he’s upset because he has a dirty diaper.

Inappropriate and therefore wildly entertaining. Because I evidently I have the mind of a Junior High boy again.

It’s kind of hard not to when your son tries so honestly to ask for a cookie yet is working his way down George Carlin’s list of “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.”

I’m guessing every toddler goes through their accidental stage of cursing like a sailor.

According to my mom, back when I was 2, I had this toy 18 wheeler truck that I stored my Hot Wheels in. Evidently I carried it around with me everywhere, referring to it as my “fruck.” Pretty close call for 1983.

Alright, so let me hear it. Tell me about your kid’s unintentional profanities, if you dare.