toddler

1 Comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Forcing Your Kid To Apologize And Hug The Other Kid

February 1, 2013 at 11:32 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

In yesterday’s “Asking A Toddler Why They Did Something Wrong” I explained how you got in trouble at school yesterday for throwing a toy at a friend, hitting them in the face and leaving a mark. I also explained how you were disciplined for it.

So today is the direct sequel to that story.

When I was a kid, I hated having to apologize and hug “the other kid” when I hurt them.

I didn’t like that it was forced. I would think to myself, “This obviously isn’t a real hug. I’m only saying I’m sorry because I have to. This is stupid.”

Now that I’m the parent, having you apologize to and hug your victim was the first thing I made you do once you got to school today and saw “the other kid.”

Turns out, though, “the other kid” just so happens to be one of your very best friends, Sophie Culpepper. I have mentioned her here on The Dadabase more than any other friend.

In other words, she’s no generic kid without a face or name. From you and her playing at your 2nd birthday party, all the way back to November 2011 when I first wrote a story about you two, you both have been buddies this whole time.

So this morning as I was unstrapping you from you car seat, I whispered to you, as if I was some divine voice from above trying to subconsciously place the idea in your head:

“Today, you need to apologize to Sophie and give her a hug.”

When we arrived in the classroom, I placed you on the floor next to Sophie. I whispered my divine instructions to you again, with Sophie’s mom watching too.

You froze. You usually do when we cross over from “family mode” to “school mode.”

I’m going to assume that after the parents went away, you did what I asked of you. Sure, it may just be wishful thinking.

But I know you really are sorry about what happened. I’ve learned here recently when you get in trouble with Mommy and I before leaving for school, you’ll be quiet the whole trip. Then, as I’m taking you inside to KinderCare, you will say with shame, “I listen to Mommy.”

(Translation: “I will listen to you and Mommy next time, instead of freaking out about not getting to watch Mater’s Tall Tales when it’s time to go.”)

If it’s true you hurt the ones you love the most, then I, in some strange way, can understand that your first victim of a toy-to-the-face throw had to be your best girl friend.

After all, you’ve grown up with Sophie in your daycare. She’s so much like a sister to you. If I did the math, you might even spend more waking hours with her than I am able to spend with you myself.

So yes, a forced apology and hug may seem a bit awkward to you, but those things help you to understand that hurting others comes with consequences; not just physical, but emotional.

Like I said yesterday, I know that it’s challenging right now for you to understand your emotions, but when you hug the person you have hurt, it helps send a message of emotional healing in the relationship.

Better are forced apologies and hugs than ignoring the offense all together. However, I know that the more I force them on you, the more natural and sincere they will become.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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My Toddler Son, The Pony Whisperer/Natural Laxative

October 11, 2012 at 9:27 pm , by 

22 months.

Jack loves animals, especially horses; so when he saw the chance to ride a pony for 5 bucks while at Lucky Ladd Farms this past weekend, he had me pony up the cash.

His gal pal Sophie Culpepper eagerly decided to join him too.

Fortunately, it actually went well!

Jack didn’t even try to get off his pony until it was the end of the ride anyway.

However, my son evidently does have the ability to speak to horses; in particular, he was able to put his pony at such ease that it relieved itself right there in the middle of the ride.

Jack’s horse created a half time show, in other words.

I love how the next day in the car ride back from his day care, Jack randomly started saying, with a dead pan delivery:

“Horse poop. Horse poop.”

An observer in this case might think my son suffers from Coprolalia, an occasional trait of Tourette syndrome, where a person swears involuntarily.

But no, that’s just Jack having flashbacks of good memories of the weekend.

Apparently, the first thing that came to mind was when the ride had to come to a quick intermission, thanks to Jack’s natural effect on the pony.

So yes, I’m happy my son had the opportunity to ride his first pony, but I  think it’s safe to say that all he and I will really remember about it was the horse taking a… load off.

 

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My First-Ever Conversation With My 21 Month-Old Son

September 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm , by 

21 months.

It seems like only yesterday, but actually, it was just a few hours ago.

As I was strapping Jack in his car seat, I very casually made what I thought was a one-sided conversation:

“Jack, did you do anything cool today at school?

“I played,” he (actually!) responded back.

“You did?!” I asked, just to make sure I really heard what I thought I did.

“Yeah,” he replied.

He was indeed sure that the cool thing he did at school was to play. He could have said “nap time” instead. But my son likes playing at day care!

Who knew? Go figure.

That’s it. That was the end of our first-ever conversation.

The moment was magical, like having a puppy suddenly talk to you in a classic Disney movie or something; where the human character says to the enchanted animal: “You can talk?”

Sure, it wasn’t the longest conversation, but it was the first-ever banter I’ve carried on with my son, in which I didn’t just simply ask a yes or no question.

So now I’m thinking about how from here on out, I need to be aware he may be understanding what I’m saying whenever I’m talking. After all, he could jump in and comment at any moment.

I guess I need to start asking him more open-ended questions, too:

“Jack, why do you think Here Comes Honey Boo Boo got more viewers than the Republican National Convention?”

I imagine his response:

“Well, if that’s even true, which I doubt it is, then I would say it’s similar to the reasons people go to see movies. Some go for entertainment or enlightenment, while others go to escape. Evidently, that night, more people were wanting to escape.”

What a clever and informed son I have. I wish he would have spoken up sooner.

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My Toddler Son, The Mine-O-Saur: “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

August 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm , by 

20 months.

“The only time you should look into your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure they have enough,” comedian Louis C.K. awkwardly tells his daughter on an episode of his FX show, Louie.

Well said, Louis.

And what a pertinent time to hear such a wise proverb. Because my 20 month-old son, as adorable is he may be, has become a completeMine-O-Saur.

Like the titular character in the book by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen, Jack now feels the need to announce ownership of his toys to any other child who visits our home:

“Mine!”

As an adult, I think about how seldom in life it’s really ever necessary to have to proclaim “Mine!” to anyone. Yet in the mind of a toddler, he has exclusive ownership of these toys my wife and I worked hard to buy for him.

I look forward to the day when Jack will be able to better understand the point of a wonderful song by Jack Johnson, from the Curious George movie soundtrack, “The Sharing Song.”

The main line from the chorus is this: “It’s always more fun to share with everyone.”

As an adult, I know how true it is. Even if it’s as simple as something like when I offer a piece of gum or a snack to a coworker, I enjoy the sense of helping someone else, despite it being in the smallest of ways.

This past weekend, Jack got to the point where he didn’t even want to go into the living room because his little cousin Calla was there playing with his toys.

He couldn’t tolerate the thought of her playing with blocks that came from the same container. If Calla chose a different toy altogether, then Jack would get upset because she was still playing with one of his toys.

So a couple of time-out sessions were earned.

If only toddlers could get it that it’s cool to share. I never really thought about this before, but I guess toddlers don’t care too much about being cool or how society views them.

Toddlers are too sophisticated for something as juvenile as peer pressure.

1 Comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

My Kid’s Absurd Dinner: Broccoli, Applesauce, And A Truck

July 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm , by