Terrible Two’s

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Is My Kid Starting The Terrible Twos Early?

June 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm , by 

A year and a half.

There are certain rules that must be followed as a part of the Shell home:

Take your shoes off at the door.  Don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink. Make your bed before you leave for the day.

But there is one in particular that is especially important to me:

No whining!

In our house, when you need a listening ear, someone to hear your problems and help by being there for you, you got it.

But to whine for no legitimate reason? Not acceptable.

Here recently, Jack has been making a big annoying fuss out of nothing. Or equally bad; getting upset about stupid stuff, like this morning when I wouldn’t let him play with sidewalk chalk during breakfast.

And I mean temper tantrum. Dramatic display of oppression. Wailing.

I have not studied the psychology behind the “Terrible Twos” but I assume it must be a crucial time in a kid’s life when they are extremely impressionable regarding behavioral training and when they are in need of knowing the security of followed-through discipline.

As an amateur follower of Feng Shui, I know the importance of combatting yang (aggressive energy) with ying (calming energy).

Jack’s yang of pitching a fit because we won’t let him take his food out of the kitchen is quenched with my ying of explaining to him why food must be eaten in the kitchen only; not over the carpet in the living room. Then I attempt to distract him with a view of outside or a toy.

If the emotional outburst persists, it’s a brief time-out session alone in his crib.

I will not allow myself to be overcome by the irrational thinking of an 18 month-old. And I’ve told him that.

To be honest, I kind of enjoy the challenge of my son’s early Terrible Twos. It’s like psychologically sparring with another human being. And after all, I can’t let an 18 month-old little boy beat a 31 year-old man.

As I think back to the first year of his life especially, I remember daily predicaments where my lack of maternal instincts caused me to get frustrated because I did not know what to do for my son.

But now, that is definitely changing. I’m seeing daily occurrences where my wife depends on me to handle our trainable little monster.

So I proudly rise to the challenge.

Like I told Jack: “You want to start your Terrible Twos early with me, kid? I’ll make sure you get your money’s worth. They will be terrible, all right. Maybe a little ‘two’ terrible.”

(My inspiration is evidently Robert DeNiro in Meet The Parents.)

While I’m sure my son didn’t pick up on the slight sarcasm nor the clever play on words, I know he got the main point.

Man, I love playing the villain.

 

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How to Be Weird in a Publix Grocery Store and Get Away With It

 

When a small kid falls and bumps their head, there is a Two Second Delay where he or she must decide whether to cry or to laugh, whether it is a painful or funny moment. They must choose which they want more- nurture or fellowship. As an older brother in 1987, I clearly remember that happening to my sister, who was three years old at the time. I said, “Dana, don’t cry. Laugh instead.”

Then I started making indistinguishable animal sounds and rolling my eyes and puffing up my cheeks. Her facial expression went from the verge of crying to actually laughing instead. That’s when I learned that it is possible influence the response of a young child during The Two Second Delay. Since then, I have been keeping this in mind as I am exposed to antsy kids in shopping carts at stores, forced to go shopping with their moms.

 

Last Sunday, in the produce section of the local Publix, a Russian-speaking mom with her little boy and girl facing her as they both sat in the cart caught my attention. The boy was grabbing for some grapes and his mom told him no. So he did it what he knew best.

He started squalling. Whining. Crying. Over grapes.

The Russian mom’s back was turned away from me, but the boy could clearly see me from 15 feet away. I made eye contact with him and started doing my best impression of a bumbling buffoon. It worked. From tears to giggles.

And the best part: I only did it when his sister, who was sitting right beside him, was looking the other way. So every 10 seconds, I would make stupid faces at the boy. Immediately, he would tug on his mom’s shirt sleeve and bump his sister with his elbow, each time failing to get their attention in order to see me before I stopped.

 

This happened for several minutes, as we all made our way through the the fruits and vegetables. And I never got caught. That boy went home, with his mom and sister, both thinking he was crazy for pointing at nothing. I’m sure they were just glad he stopped his tantrum.

I have been doing this procedure for about 20 years. It’s really great. I highly recommend it.