Toddler Potty Training 101: Father To Son

July 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm , by 

19 months.

*Warning: Contains oversharenting.

Early this morning I was getting ready to leave the house to take my son Jack to his doctor at Vanderbilt when I explained to him:

“Wait, son. I need to go pee-pee first.”

I left the bathroom door open so I could make sure he didn’t charge towards the potentially dangerous staircase, which he never does. Instead, he walked up to me, standing just far enough away from the toilet to be in the safe zone.

Jack watched the “waterfall” go into the potty in amazement and wonder. I felt he needed a sophisticated commentary.

“See, son. Pee-pee is coming out of Dada’s… hose.”

Yes. Hose.

That’s the best I could come up with, given the lack of sleep I received because of him waking up at 3:30 AM due to his fever.

But hey, I was just trying to relate it to something he could appreciate. And knowing that Jack loves playing with the water hose, it made the most sense in that split-second, unplanned moment.

I saw the yearning in his eyes: I could tell that my son totally wants to “spray his hose” into the potty.

To seal the deal properly, as I flushed the toilet I waved goodbye to the potty water as I emphatically proclaimed, “Bye bye, pee-pee! Bye bye!”

(Because Jack says “bye-bye” to everyone and everything, I knew he would appreciate this.)

My wife and I are in no hurry to potty train our child. I just want to plant that seed in his mind, though. I want to him to know that when he’s a little bit older, he will have the privilege of getting to do what Dada does.

I want him to believe that he’s missing out. And after seeing his reactions to my recent habit of glorifying going pee-pee in the potty, I think my plan is working.

Here lately Jack is indeed growing more aware of “pee-pee” anyway. He has this new thing he will do at the house where he will announce to me:

“Pee-pee.”

He’s literally letting me know that it’s time for me to change his diaper.

But because of his inability to make all the vowel sounds so far, “poo-poo” is pronounced the same as “pee-pee.”

Either way, I’m impressed by his new trick. My toddler actually tells me when it’s time to change his diaper.

The days of me mindlessly changing his diapers and him being unaware of why I’m doing it are over. Now he knows why!

I think he deserves a trendy Pee-Pee Awareness ribbon just for that alone.

Legal Custody With Limited Visitation Rights

July 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm , by 

19 months.

“We’re home!” Jack said as we pulled into the parking lot of his daycare last Friday.

Sure, he doesn’t yet understand the difference between the words “home” and “here” yet, but what if it was a Freudian slip?

I put the pen to the paper, then used a calculator to check my less than awesome math skills. My number-crunching revealed to me that Jack is at daycare for 45 waking hours each week.

Contrast that to the 38 waking hours he’s home with Mommy and Dada.

We the parents have 7 less hours with our son each week than KinderCare. I’m letting that though settle in right now.

He’s been going to daycare for almost a year now and I’ve just never realized that paid professionals technically know our kid better than we do.

But like most parents, we don’t have a choice, financially.

On the positive side of it, we’re very aware of how confident, independent, and knowledgeable he is for his age.

It’s not up to us; he has to go to daycare.

But tomorrow I’ll get a taste of what it would be like to be a stay-at-home dad, or househusband: Jack had a fever of nearly 102 when I picked him up from KinderCare today.

However, on the car ride home and after dinner he was more hyper than ever. I don’t believe he’s actually sick.

So even if he’s perfectly healthy tomorrow, by policy of his daycare I can’t take him in. My wife has taken off more than her share of “sick days” from work on account of Jack having a fever. Now it’s my turn.

I will see what it’s like to actually take care of my own kid all day while my wife works. By today’s culture and standards, that’s hardly ironic. Yet still, I have little experience staying home with him all day when, technically, I should be out working.

The title of this reminds me of just how ridiculous it is that both of us parents have to work full-time to keep our own kid in daycare; where the daycare workers will spend more time with him than we do.

Ridiculous, yet normal.

We’re happily married but it feels like we have legal custody of our own child but with limited visitation rights.

 

Will My Kid Have A Southern Accent?

July 8, 2012 at 10:23 pm , by 

19 months.

Today my son Jack asked me to turn on the TV so he could watch Elmo on Netlflix.

By “watch” I mean “point to Elmo when he appears on the screen then let Sesame Street serve as background noise as Jack plays with his toys.”

And by “asked me” I mean he simply pointed at the TV and said “On?”

But his version of “on” was pronounced “own.” Whereas when I say the word to him to teach the difference between off and on, I pronounce it as “ahn.”

We live in Nashville, Tennessee. It assumed that people here speak with a thick Southern accent, if for no other reason, because this is where all the Country music stars live.

But the thing is, most of those Country artists moved here from Oklahoma, Texas, Georgia, or some other state in the South. And if they are actually from Tennessee, they’re from a good hour outside of Nashville.

Visit Nashville and you will find that most people here don’t actually have a thick accent. Instead, you may here some Indiana or Maryland or Colorado in there instead.

Like my wife, for example, who is from Sacramento, California. And even though I was raised in the South, I don’t have the accent to prove it because my mom was raised in Buffalo, New York.

So Jack is being raised in a major Southern city consisting of a very high concentration of transplants and internationals, by two parents who don’t sound like they are part of the cast of The Dukes of Hazzard or The Beverly Hillbillies.

I predict that though he may have some Southern tendencies regarding his accent right now, when it’s all said and done he will talk the way I do. Like he’s from Louisville, Kentucky or Cincinnati, Ohio.

In other words, a virtually untraceable American accent.

On top of all this, have you ever noticed how Southern accents are extremely rare and underrepresented on TV?

When a character on a TV show or movie is from the South, they often embody a negative or theatrical stereotype, like Sawyer onLost.

Or even if the actual actor is from the South, they neutralize their accent to be taken more seriously in the world of entertainment.

NBC’s The Office is a prime example of this. The actors who play Andy, Kevin, and Angela are real-life Southerners who don’t show it in the way they speak.

Based on my own unprofessional (!) Wikipedia research, about 35% of Americans are Southerners speaking with a Southern accent. Population-wise, if my assumptions are correct, more Americans speak in Southern dialect than do Midwestern, Northeastern, Mid-Atlantic, Western, or any other American accent that exists.

So when we watch TV and movies, we are more likely to hear neutralized accents than we are to hear the same accent that the actual slight majority of America actually speaks.

I believe my son’s “own” will eventually become “ahn” when he tries to say “on.” But I guarantee you that, like his parents, he will still use the word “ya’ll.”

He may pronounce it “yahl” as opposed to the true Southern way, which is “yawh,” in which no actual “L” sound is heard, but at least there will be a little proof he is a Southerner based on how he speaks.

Not to mention the whole “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” thing; which, as his dad, I will make sure he says, ensuring his status as a true Southern gentleman.

“Your Son Looks Just Like You!” Said No One Ever

July 8, 2012 at 3:48 pm , by 

19 months.

“Jack is just a little version of Nick!” is something people never say, nor should they say. Whenever I post a new picture of my son and me on Facebook, no one compares the two of us. Because, really, there’s nothing to compare.

I look like the token Jewish actor from any and every sitcom you’ve ever seen in your life and my son looks like he stepped out of a time machine from the 194o’s… from Norway.

While I’m an olive-complected (I’ve got a green tint to me; it’s more noticeable when I wear black) and have dark brown hair, my son has a porcelain shine to his skin, along with undeniable blue eyes and (for now) blonde hair.

My physique makes me the kind of guy you’d expect to play the super hero before he turns into the super hero.

Meanwhile, my son, who is in the 75% for weight, is a strong and sturdy boy who inspires people to ask me what sports I think he will play when he gets older.

(Rugby, wrestling, football… all of the above.)

Yesterday I was at the pool with my son and my wife. While it didn’t feel like anyone was staring at us, I thought how if anyone there was people-watching us, they would surely assume our son was adopted.

It doesn’t matter to me or bother me that my son is keeping alive the rarest genes of my wife and me. It’s simply something I’ve noted from the beginning. And now at 19 months, the lack of physical similarity is still very evident.

Yeah, it’s weird and it’s funny to me, but for some strange reason I sort of like the unpredictability of it.

Every time friends hang out with us who haven’t seen us in a while, they always look at Jack, then at my wife and I, then back at Jack. Then they say us, “Who do you think he looks like?”

They say this thinking that because he’s our flesh and blood, we’ll have some magic intuitiveness that helps us see some resemblance they apparently don’t.

Well, no magic here, folks.

I imagine there’s a decent chance that as my toddler son transforms more into a real boy and eventually a young man, he will begin to look at least a little bit more like me.

Or at least his Mommy.

Either way, it’s safe to say that at least, physically, he’s no “mini-me.”

I think if he and I were given a “resemblance score” we would get 0%.

But hey, I’m open for a second opinion.

If you, the reader, see more of a resemblance than I do, let me know.

Would you give us a score higher than 0%?

My Kid’s “Am I In Trouble For This?” Look

July 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm , by 

19 months.

There’s this classic look my son now gives me at least once a day. It’s the “Am I in trouble for this?” look.

Like when he decided to color the dog in one of my wife’s magazines, as opposed to one of his coloring books. Or whenever he squeezes a toy too hard and hears it creek, thinking it’s about to break.

What’s funny is that this look of his always catches me off guard. He never makes the face when he should.

He will stand on his Leaptop (toy laptop) or chew the rubber tire off an old Hot Wheels car of mine or throw a piece of food in the middle of dinner without any fear.

Despite the fact I have regularly scolded him for all of these things.

If you’re a regular reader of The Dadabase, then you know that one of my biggest “parent peeves” is when a parent warns and threatens their child but then doesn’t follow through with the discipline.

Well, I definitely follow through. My son knows to expect time-out or having a toy taken away from him; according to the crime.

He’s at a stage right now where he’s learning the patterns of what I will and will not accept as proper behavior. So some of these “things Dada won’t let me do” haven’t been firmly enough established.

Jack learns through trial and error. And so do I, in regards to what I’m okay with.

But what’s interesting is that the only things I will discipline him for are the things I’ve already instructed him against at least once.

My son knows that coloring the the coffee table with his crayons is not okay. He knows to get his Sesame Street coloring book to use as his canvas. So even when I gave him my wife’s magazine to color a dog in an ad and said, “Jack, let’s color this dog blue,” it still seemed too much like something he wasn’t allowed to do.

So he gave me the ”Am I in trouble for this?” look.

He and I will always be figuring these things out as we go.