Falling In Mutual Weirdness And Calling It Love

October 25, 2012 at 11:31 pm , by 

23 months.

Very seldom do I credit the word “genius” to artists of my lifetime, because it can be a pretty cliche thing to say. People say Quentin Tarantino and Lady Gaga are geniuses. To that, I submit a circa-2010 “Meh…”.

But there is no doubt about it: Dr. Seuss, who died in 1991, when I was only 10, was definitely a genius artist.

There’s a quote which is often credit to him, though it was actually comes from p.115 of True Love: Stories Told to and by Robert Fulgham:

“We’re all a little weird, and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

That, my friends, is also genius. That is the kind of quote I am jealous of because I didn’t think of it first.

It doesn’t just apply to the person you marry. For me, it also obviously applies to the relationship between my son and me.

He’s only 23 months-old. So for anything weird he does, like his impression of a snake that involves flapping his arms like a chicken, barking like a dog, and covering his nipples, all while he tries to go potty as his Mommy and Dada watch, he has a solid excuse.

I’m 31 years old. Somehow that gives me less of an excuse to be weird.

Since he’s my son and is exposed to my weirdness on a daily basis, he gets an extra dose; on top of the God-given weirdness he already has.

Needless to say, the two of us have joined up in our mutual weirdness and call it love.

In his ever-renewing resistance to falling asleep for naps and bedtime, I have to step up my game as needed.

Recently he’s been going down less easily, so as of 3 weeks ago, I invented a technique that I, for some unknown reason, named “droning.”

Imagine what it would sound like combining the African back-up singers on Paul Simon’s acclaimed Gracelandalbum with your token chanting monk:

“Uh-ah-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhh.”

On repeat for like 4 minutes.

It’s basically the human equivalent to the white noise a humidifier makes if you could turn up the volume on one.

I hum this into the side of his cheek as I hold him, then lay him down in his bed once he gets in the trance, and then I do it again for a couple more minutes to let it all really soak in.

If he isn’t deep enough in his sleep mode when I start backing out of the room while still droning, he politely calls out in the dark room:

“Dada?”

It’s his way of saying, “Will you keep doing that weird thing that helps me fall asleep?”

I appreciate when he does that. It shows me he likes my weirdness. He asks for my weirdness.

Cool kid.

 

Morbid Thoughts On Leaving Behind My Legacy Through My Child

October 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm , by 

23 months.

A few months ago during brunch, a friend was giving me some reasons why my wife and I should have another child. I guess for most normal people, it would have been a simple concept that was relatable.

But for me, well, I’m still trying to sort out what I’m supposed to make of what he said:

“Each time you have a child, it’s like another way you leave behind your legacy.”

I’ve thought about it for at least 90 days. My internal response is still the same as it was back on the day I first processed that concept:

What do I care what people say and think about me generations from now?

Let’s face it: A hundred years from now, we’ll all be dead.

Even more morbid is the fact that while there are 8 billion alive on the Earth today, a lot more than that have already lived and died.

I guess somehow that’s the reason I don’t care so much about leaving behind my legacy through my child.

Because what matters to me most is the living legacy I provide for my family. How in this moment and day can I be the best dad for my son that I can be?

It’s funny how it never takes anything too extravagant. It just takes being there for him, through the mundane times more so than the notably special ones.

For me, I don’t ever think how I will be remembered a century from now. If these yet-to-be-born-strangers are really that curious, maybe the Internet as we know it will still exist and they can just Google me or look up my Facebook profile.

Just as we all live together at the same time, we’ll all be dead together too.

So for the people I matter to in this life, I want to share my legacy with now, in present day, not leave it behind after I’m gone.

I’d rather be alive and influential than dead and famous.

 

Losing Sleep Over Where My Son Will Sleep (Part 1)

October 23, 2012 at 10:17 pm , by 

23 months.

We’re not a family of beach bums. We’re the opposite; whatever the opposite of a beach bum is.

In other words, we like to go where the crowds aren’t and where the weather isn’t very hot.

Fortunately, my wife’s family is in Sacramento; which gives us a good and necessary reason to travel out there once a year.

This weekend, that’s where we will be flying. With Jack’s 2nd birthday coming up on November 16th, this is the last time we can take advantage of him getting to fly for free.

No doubt about it, I’m very excited to take a week off from work and travel to one of my favorite spots in America.

But of course, I’m looking at this from a realistic perspective. A “vacation” with a nearly 2-year-old where we’re flying cross-country is not exactly a vacation for me.

I don’t mind being a glorified version of a stage hand while my wife catches up with her family and gets to see Jack, after over a year since last time.

Even the plane ride with Jack doesn’t intimidate me much. After all, I survived it last year when he was much more high maintenance.

The only thing that worries me is where he will sleep. It’s a really big deal to me.

If he doesn’t get good, consistent nights of sleep while we’re out there, I will turn into the Incredible Hulk.

(Not the updated Avengers movie version, but the 1978 Lou Ferrigno TV show.)

I don’t like me when I’m angry. When Jack doesn’t sleep well, neither do I; then I turn into a monster.

Jack still sleeps in his crib and he has outgrown his Pack N Play.

So one option is to put up some safety rails alongside a twin bed once we get there.

Another option is to buy a cheap or used Pack N Play as soon as we arrive, but A) I don’t want to have to worry about that after getting off the plane and B) I don’t want to spend money on something I may not be able to bring back home.

The best case scenario is we find a friend or family member who has a Pack N Play that we can borrow while we’re there, but no luck on that so far.

I guess this dilemma took the back burner in the midst of planning not only the trip out there but also Jack’s birthday party for that side of the family.

But here we are, days away from leaving, and I don’t have closure with this.

To dissect why this causes so much turmoil and unsettledness for me, it is because it’s my job to get Jack to sleep for all his naps and bedtimes. That’s one of the things I do! I’m very proud of that skill.

Without me getting him to sleep, it’s a world suspended in chaos. Bad things, man.

Getting Jack to sleep is something I’m an expert on. But without the appropriate place for him to fall asleep, I can’t work my magic.

The world is coming to an end.

To be continued…

My Toddler Son Is Officially On Potty Patrol: “Dada Did It!”

October 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm , by 

23 months.

*Warning: Contains oversharenting.

This morning on the car ride to daycare, Jack had a big sneeze: “Dada? Nose.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t have any Kleenex in the car or even a blanket for him to wipe his nose off with. About 12 minutes later, we had arrived at KinderCare.

We got there earlier than normal, so I was able to sneak him in the front nursery room where no one else was yet and take my time carefully cleaning his face.

I was concentrating so hard to get Jack clean, when all of the sudden, I… well, it just came out of nowhere!

“Dada did it!” Jack loudly proclaimed with a straight face.

Fortunately no one else was around to hear it; but if they were, Jack wanted to make it clear that “Dada did it!” and not Jack.

I’m just glad that embarrassing story gets to stay between father and son. It’ll be our little secret.

Oh, wait…

Gone are the days when Jack was unaware of anything bathroom-related. Now, he feels it’s his job, in the likeness of a herald, to announce to the general public what should be private.

Let’s just say that if you come to our house and go upstairs to use the restroom, Jack will announce to everyone in the living room:

“[Insert your name here] potty.”

He hears the subtle flush and knows that’s his cue. Same thing with showers.

So if you use the potty, shower, or accidentally pass gas, Jack will announce it for everyone to hear. He’s on Potty Patrol!

 

For the past several weeks now, he has been practicing using his toddler potty before bath time. He’s actually only gone twice out of dozens of attempts, but it’s not for a lack of trying.

As I sit in front of him, watching my naked son try to make some magic happen on the potty, I think, “He should be weirded out by me being right here.”

Instead, he appreciates the moral support.

But what’s funny is he always pulls up the bathroom rug to cover his feet while he tries. I don’t think his feet are cold, the bathroom rug just serves as a sort of good luck charm.

Last night, he was doing his normal potty ritual while my wife and I watched and rooted him on.

Without any prompting, he covered his nipples with his fingers, waddled his arms like he had chicken wings, and made a weird barking sound.

My wife immediately asked him, “What are you doing, Jack?”

His eagerly replied with a scrunched up nose and a tone of celebration in his voice:

“Snake!”

That was by far the most absurd and most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen or heard my son do. Ever.

I’ll never know how an unsolicited impression of a barking, wing-flapping, nipple-censored snake shows up in the midst of  watching your parents watch you try to use the potty; which for the record, remained empty after the snake impression.

would say what happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom.

But then again, I’ve got a toddler who is on Potty Patrol.

 

Why This Non-Metrosexual Dad Wants An Ironing Board For Christmas

October 21, 2012 at 11:43 pm , by 

23 months.

In this economy, it’s no secret that you should make yourself more valuable by learning new skills. The idea is to make yourself the go-to person for certain exclusive things.

I translate this same concept to the home life.

As the dad, one of my main exclusive roles is putting our son to sleep for all his naps and bedtimes. Without me, bedtime is not a simple event. It’s a long, drawn-out, nerve-racking experience.

Another thing I’m exclusively good at is transporting our son to and from daycare, being the mediator between his daycare teachers and my wife, and challenging our son both physically and kinetically during playtime.

While my wife and I share many duties, it’s really important to me that I do certain exclusive things.

This Christmas, I am planning on buying a foldable extendable ladder and a drill set. I want to increase my handyman skill set ASAP.

But wait, there’s more…

As the title infers, I also want an iron and an ironing board. Here’s my masculine reason why:

For my day job, where I am basically the Employee Relations Specialist, I assume the role of HR in the office. In other words, it’s very important that I present myself as very professional… above reproach.

I’ve always been the guy to wear ties and jackets to work anyway, even though I’m pretty much the only one who does. But now I feel that’s not good enough, in my own mind.

That’s because my clothes are a little on the wrinkled side.

I could easily convert a few of my “Sloppy Saturday” shirts, like the one I’m wearing in these pictures where I was made into a “Mummy” at my son’s daycare Open House over the weekend, into “Tidy Tuesday” shirts if they were simply ironed.

That’s not to put down by wife in any way. I can vouch for the fact that with all she does for our family, she definitely doesn’t have the time to iron, too.

Regardless, we don’t own an iron and an ironing board.

Even if we did, I want this job. I want ironing to be my thing in our household.

Call me a classic 1950′s American man, but I think men ought to care enough about their appearance not to represent themselves as slobs. There should be no shame in taking extra time to look handsome.

I’m thinking right now of those Men’s Wearhouse commercials: “You’re gonna like the way you look.”

As a non-metrosexual, I want to be like a former military guy who takes pride in his appearance enough to still iron his clothes like he had to when he was in the service.

Yes, I think it will be pretty cool to not only iron my own clothes for work, but to iron my wife’s clothes, and eventually, our son’s.

It’s pretty masculine if you ask me. I’m not turning into a “Mummy.” Instead, I’m manning up… once I get my iron and ironing board, that is.