Storytelling

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I Approve Of Kanye West’s Name Choice: North West

June 24, 2013 at 10:38 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

A week ago, I spent a lot of time carefully writing about  ABC 20/20′s “D is For Dad And Dumb,” in which they advised dads for Father’s Day, “don’t be an idiot.”

I proposed that 20/20 do a segment about how dads are tired of being  portrayed as classic idiots. I suggested they show that the modern dad is very involved and caring.

They could interview me and let me explain it on national TV how a normal dad feels about the way we were are stereotyped. It could be a segment called “D is For Dad and Dignified.”

[Insert crickets chirping.]

But in hindsight, what I think people really want to read about these days is what Kanye West and Kim Kardashian named their daughter:

North West.

So today, I’m going to be relevant. I’m going to talk about what Kanye West named his daughter.

My response is, “Really? That’s it? That’s the worst he could do for his child’s name?”

Especially from the wondrous and innovative Kanye West, I was expecting something like really out there like Armageddon, or Platinum, or 808s.

Instead, it’s a name that I personally think is kind of cool. At least, it’s a whole lot better than a lot of the names that are popular these days; ones I won’t publicly admit I think are weird.

Of course, if I was going to name a kid North, it would be a boy’s name…

So to name a baby girl North, it seems a bit different; yet again, not that weird compared to other girl names I hear on Facebook.

Granted, the most peculiar part, I guess, about the name North is that the last name is West, which is a very specific direction.

But… I don’t know, compared toAmerican Idol winner Phillip Phillips, it’s hard for me to see how “North West” is much more than quirky, at worst.

I totally don’t care what Kanye West named his daughter, as I shouldn’t. If anything, though, I think I might be slightly disappointed that he didn’t choose something more bizarre.

Ultimately, if Kanye West needs my approval on his child’s name in order to keep his level of self-confidence, then let it be clear:

I approve!

Tune in tomorrow when I talk to you about something that actually matters.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com. (Kanye West in the press room at the 59th Annual Primetime.)

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Dumb Tattoos Are Like Weird Children’s Names

June 19, 2013 at 11:21 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

Here’s my deep thought of the day for you, whatever year you end up reading this: Dumb tattoos are like weird children’s names.

I’ve learned it’s best to just not say anything in an effort to keep myself from slipping out what I really think.

But these days, there really are a lot of dumb tattoos and weird names for kids everywhere I go. Of course, I’m smart enough to not give examples of either.

What is considered to be a “dumb” tattoo or a “weird” name for a child is a matter of opinion… even if the vast majority happens to share the same opinion.

(I… think.)

No matter what ridiculous example I could think of for what I believe is a poor choice for a tattoo, or for a child’s name, surely there would be someone who named their kid that or has a tattoo like I would describe.

I figure, in either case, it’s all in an effort to be unique and express who they are in a way they want the world to perceive them.

Do I personally care about other people’s kids’ names or other people’s tattoos? No, I don’t. It doesn’t affect me.

Does it have the ability to make me flinch just for a second, then text message my sister about it as we try to “one up” each other with our most outrageous findings? No comment.

But the effort to express how I really feel about seeing what I consider to be a dumb tattoo or hearing some weird name that a parent gave their newborn child… it’s just fruitless.

Though I will say this: At least a tattoo only directly affects that person for the rest of their life, unlike the name they give their child.

Even those very parents who name their kids the most bizarre things surely themselves hear other children’s names that they think are ridiculous and then they go through this same mental process as I am doing right now.

So ultimately, in a world of dumb tattoos and weird names that parents give their children, and in a world where mentioning either of those in a Facebook status update can get you in a vulnerable situation, it’s better to think it, but not say it.

Except for you. In private, I’ll totally tell you how I feel. Just don’t tell the kids at school I said it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Self Introduction, via Shutterstock.

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Why My Son Doesn’t Get Hurt In Front Of Me

June 17, 2013 at 10:27 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

This morning I accidentally bumped your head as I was getting you out of my car.

Not just a slight graze, but it was the kind of hit that would cause the world “BAM!” or “THUD!” to appear in the air, like on the 1960′s Batman TV series.

Your response?

About 3 seconds later, you nonchalantly scratched your head, as if you might have felt a piece of fuzz in your hair or something.

But it was like you were confused, more than anything.

Under normal circumstances, youwould have been crying pretty hard and it would have been a big dramatic ordeal.

But I guess when I use the phrase “under normal circumstances,” I’m referring to Mommy being present.

Like magic, you basically feel no pain or discomfort when it’s just you and me.

I don’t believe that’s because you’re trying to impress me by showing me how tough you are. After all, I need no convincing of that. I am very aware of how thick your Croatian skull is.

Instead, I believe it’s because you instinctively aren’t seeking my physical comfort. Quite the opposite, you testme physically. You love to wrestle me; even if during the process you pretend to hate it.

Of course the obvious flip side to this is how different you act “under normal circumstances.” With Mommy in the room, you can barely stub your toe on the carpet, then yell, “Owie!” On cue, Mommy is authentically concerned.

With me, you don’t even bother.

But more importantly, like I said, your brain evidently doesn’t even process pain or discomfort when it’s just you and me. You’re so much lower maintenance during “Daddy only” time. Ya know that?

It’s interesting how quickly you can turn on and off the “Mommy switch.”

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

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My Classy (And Gassy) Father’s Day Gift

June 16, 2013 at 10:07 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

With today being a special day, Father’s Day to be exact, Mommy decided to make our family some of her magical vegan cupcakes.

You got lucky. She let you lick the cake batter from the mixing bowl.

To keep the chocolate “mud” from getting all over your clothes, Mommy and I decided it was best that we strip you down to just your diaper.

Immediately afterwards, Mommy went upstairs to fold the laundry.

That meant it was just you and me.

That’s when things got weird…

You placed the mixing bowl in the middle of the kitchen floor, then begin circling it while holding your spoon to your forehead. (Technically dangerous, though things often are when you’re on my watch.)

It didn’t help that you were by that point “toddler drunk” from the mix of the sugar and the missed nap.

I had a feeling I needed to capture this on video. I couldn’t have known what was about to happen during those 38 seconds I recorded you.

So, actually, here ya go…

Watch the clip of what happened:

That’s right. In the middle of your ancient tribal dance, you gave me the gift that keeps on giving… as you put it, “It was a gas!”

Thank you for my coffee cup. Thank you for my new swim trucks and t-shirt. Thank you for the cool dinosaur Father’s Day card you picked out especially for me.

And while I’m at it, I guess I might as well thank you for the… hilarious memory, too!

 

Love,

Daddy

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New Pew Survey Shows Dads As The Moral Teacher

June 16, 2013 at 6:35 am , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

According to the new Pew Research Center survey, Americans expect dads to be more of a moral teacher and emotional comforter than a breadwinner or disciplinarian.

The way I look at it, whether a dad chooses to be or not, he often is by default the moral teacher and emotional comforter, for better or worse.

That’s not to say that the mom’s role in teaching her children values and morals is simply marginal, but I do find it interesting that in a time where the media still makes dad out to be a horrible role model or at least a lovable idiot,see “ABC 20/20′s D Is For Dad And Dumb” Segment which aired just in time for Father’s Day, this new poll shows that dads are expected to be the moral teacher more than the disciplinarian or the greater income provider.

So why is it that if dads seen as the moral teacher, that they are still often portrayed as dummies in the media? I’d say it’s because there’s a disconnect between what TV writers think America wants to see and want America actually thinks about their dads.

I base “what America actually thinks” on what I’m seeing as Facebook status updates today for Father’s Day. I see Facebook consumed with pictures of everyone’s dad, with a caption bragging about how incredible,  supportive, and even how “perfect” their dads were while growing up.

Therefore, I find nothing surprising, only assuring and confirming, about the results of the new Pew Research Center survey.

In fact, I’ve already written about my desire to morally teach you. See “Dads Like To Teach Their Kids Life Lessons.”

I take great pride in the fact that I have the honor of instilling values and morals in you. Because hey, it sure beats what the media would like for you to believe; they evidently still think I’m simply a lovable idiot.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Graph: Pew Research Center.