Spirituality

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

A Family That Prays Together… Ah, You Know The Rest

April 2, 2013 at 10:42 pm , by 

2 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

You started noticing that Mommy and I hold hands and pray before we eat dinner every night.

It’s not some beautiful, poetic thing. We let our words be few: “Dear God, we thank you for this food today and all you have blessed us with. Amen.”

Last week you started wanting in on the action. You smiled at us and lifted your hands out for us to hold them.

So now before dinner, and at night as we’re putting you to bed, and before our family leaves the house for our separate ways in the morning, we pray together.

And you now not only expect it, but I can clearly see you like being a part of it.

I actually think you’re pretty aware of what’s going on. You know who God is from yourBeginner’s Bible, as well as from church.

Tonight as I sang “Away In A Manger” as part of your bedtime routine, you stopped me in the middle of the 1st verse and said, “Jesus makes!”

I asked you what Jesus makes and you responded:

“Jesus makes oatmeal… and beans and rice!”

My immediate uproar of laughter pretty much killed the mood for helping you get to sleep. Mommy later explained to me you were referring to the 2nd verse, which she sings to you: “No crying he makes.”

I think it’s really cool that you want to be a part of our family’s prayer times throughout the day. I figure at best, what you gather from us praying is that we not only believe in God, but we trust him.

We have no idea what’s in our future, five minutes from now or five years from now. But we want to be in God’s favor and we know that means loving others as ourselves.

I know that’s a very simple way of explaining our faith to you, but I think if I as your dad can remember that much of it, I could have the faith of a child.

From what I understand, that’s actually a good thing.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality, Storytelling

I’ll Love You Long After You’re Gone

March 28, 2013 at 12:06 am , by 

2 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

I am 29 and a half years older than you. That means that, ultimately, I won’t always be here.

Decades from now, there will come a day when I pass on before you.

But it doesn’t mean I will be thinking about you, adoring you, or loving you any less.

I know that’s a strange thought, to still be consumed by someone even after they are separated from you by life itself. But it’s true.

Phillip Phillips has this new song out called “Gone, Gone, Gone,” which features that very concept:

“I’ll love you long after you’re gone.”

This isn’t a simple love song about not getting over someone after a break-up. It’s much more complicated and irrational than that.

It’s about deeply caring for someone regardless of time and space. I love this song. I can’t help but think of you and Mommy when I hear it.

No matter what age you are, I want it always to be clear to you how I feel about you. I want you to know and remember me as the man who loved you most in this life.

I am also the man who occasionally shows up in the background of the pictures I take of you. I witness your life, as a narrator, as a stage hand, and as a mentor.

It’s so important to me that we have healthy, open communication in our relationship. I don’t want to be a man of mystery, like Don Draper.

I want you to know me as a strong, yet sensitive, man who teaches you to be the same.

Though you will barely remember anything from being 2 years old, I hope the memories I make with you now insulate the nostalgic part of your brain with warm fuzzies.

Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating. Like a drum my heart never stops beating… for you, for you.

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

Facebook Status Updates About Men Who Cheat

February 24, 2013 at 11:26 pm , by 

2 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

I assume that most people at some point have seriously considered deleting their Facebook account.

However, most people don’t actually do it.

At worst, they purge their friend list once it reaches the point they no longer know who all is on their list; typically that magic number is around 500 people.

As for me, I often find Facebook depressing. That would be my reason for wanting to quit Facebook, about once a month.

Certain random things just drain me; like the overwhelming fluorescent lights at Walmart, trying to find a free place to park in downtown Nashville, and being exposed to reality TV shows where people argue and yell at each other.

However, one of the biggest triggers for bumming me out is when I read on Facebook about yet another man who has cheated on his wife or girlfriend.

It’s tough for me to process.

I hate it that there are enough men who cheat on the women they love, that it shows up daily on my Facebook feed.

I hate it for the women who are cheated on and hurt.

I hate it for the families who become broken when this happens.

However, I find hope and encouragement every time I see a father and husband being bragged on by his wife on Facebook. I love seeing men who are doing what they are already supposed to be doing; which is being caring and active in their families’ lives, then who are accordingly reported to the most important new source for most people: Facebook.

Honestly, I just never get tired of seeing reports of men who are still in love with and who still date their wives. It’s enough to deter me from quitting Facebook on a monthly basis.

Son, I should never have to tell you, like the Jason Mraz song says, that I won’t give up on us; on Mommy or on our family. Your reality is that I’m not going anywhere. To quote Jason Mraz again…

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love

 

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

The Peculiar And Impractical Tradition Of Tithing 10%

January 8, 2013 at 11:13 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

A week ago when I published “5 Impractical Ways To Save Your Family Money In 2013,” I intentionally left off one crucial way that I believe our family saves money. Maybe it’s not so much about it saving us money, as much as it helps us manage our budget with even more discipline and focus.

In fact, out of the 5 impractical ways I listed, I see this “6th way” as not only undeniably impractical, but the most important, for our family, at least:

We tithe.

For us, that means we give 10% of our paychecks to our church. From there, a lot of that money goes to helping people not only in our area, but all over the world.

Of course, that 10% of our income isn’t the only money we give to help others, because we help financially support other non-profit organizations that help people too.

But right off the top of every paycheck, we know that 10% of it goes to our church, which in turn helps other people.

I should be clear about something: It’s not that we have a 10% excess in our income. Not at all. Instead, we build our budget around the 10% we tithe.

(That might help explain why we can’t afford cable or satellite TV, or Internet on our phones, or eating out, or updating our electronics… which I pointed out in 5 Impractical Ways To Save Your Family Money In 2013.)

Financial guru Dave Ramsey, who includes tithing as part of his teaching, puts it this way:

“If you cannot live off 90% of your income, then you cannot live off 100%.”

If this can make any sense, we can’t afford not to tithe.

We believe that God will bless our family’s efforts as we acknowledge that what we have is not ours to begin with; instead, everything we have is what God has given to us.

So to “give back” 10%, technically isn’t giving back.

But I believe a lot of the importance of tithing has to do with the mindset it puts a family in. In the likeness of feng shui, tithing constantly keeps us mindful of where each dollar we earn goes.

Just like the importance of having a solid weekly budget on Excel, tithing helps us tell our money where to go, before it can tell us where to go.

Therefore, I think tithing is even a good idea for families who don’t go to church, as well as, those who aren’t particularly religious at all.

I would venture to say that a family who always gives at least 10% of their income to, at least, a charity that helps the needy, even if it’s not through a religious organization, is still going to find that they manage their money better than before they started promising to give away 10% of their income.

Sure, giving away 10% of every paycheck is pretty extreme and not necessarily normal.

But I suppose for a family who doesn’t pay for cable or satellite TV, or Internet on our phones, or for the fact we don’t really dine out, or update our electronics, I guess it’s not really that much of a shock that we automatically give away 10% of our income.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Giving Offering Sharing Blessing Background, Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

Advice For “Granny,” Whose Grandchild Is Slapped In The Face

January 7, 2013 at 11:40 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

There are certain parenting topics that seem to go unnoticed and “un-commented on” when I first write about them, but over the span of several months or a year, they prove to be relevant discussion material in the blogosphere.

Basically, they become more popular in syndication than they ever did when they were first published. When they were still fresh, they didn’t know what it was like to be re-Tweeted on Twitter or to get “liked” on Facebook, but they continue to convince readers to respond in the long run.

I can think of no better example than “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?,” which I published on June 10, 2012, when you were a year and a half.

(Click on the blue letters in the sentence above, to read the original post.)

Here’s an excerpt:

 

“I wonder, as a Generation Y American dad, am I preconditioned to believe that slapping my child in the face is taboo? Or is this type of punishment truly as legitimate as spanking a child on their bum?

I am simply hosting this conversation. I would like for you (readers of The Dadabase)  to point out the double standards, both in favor and against including face-slapping in the same category as spanking.

Do you consider slapping a child in the face morally wrong, yet believe spanking your child’s buttocks is acceptable?

Why is a slap in the face somehow worse? Is it more psychologically damaging than spanking?“

 

While “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?” has received 39 comments as of today, there is one recent comment that particularly intrigues me.

An anonymous reader who calls herself “Granny” left the 34th comment. This is the abridged (for time’s sake) version:

 

“I witnessed our grandson slapped very hard across the face for talking back to his mother. The only words I heard him say very softly, not rudely and with no sharpness to his tone was “I don’t care.” Our daughter immediately yelled (screamed at him) and slapped him very hard…

My heart hurt so much for my grandson so I talked to him privately later about it. He admitted his mother has slapped him before several times. It was so obvious it hurt him terribly and he felt so humiliated. While I was telling him what a great child he was and hitting a child across the face hard is so terribly wrong, he wouldn’t look at me and became very sad and withdrawn only looking out the window. My heart bleeds for him and I don’t know what to do…

His mother has anger issues and had to go through so much as a teen (2 family member deaths, abandoned by father, plus other issues, but she was never a problem). Apparently, things are much worse than I ever imagined with her anger issues. I don’t know if my son-in-law supports this punishment or if I should talk with him.

Please advise how I should handle for my grandson’s welfare and also his mother’s problems.“

 

After reading this comment, it was one of those times as a parent where I just didn’t know what to say. “Granny” is asking for help, and fortunately, some fellow readers have begun leaving comments giving her some encouraging advice.

Sure, I’ve given plenty of “dadvice” before here on The Dadabase when a reader like “Granny” specifically asks for it, but this is a special and delicate case, I feel.

It’s just one of those issues where I’d rather not be the first parent to give advice.

So as for advising “Granny,” I’d prefer other parents lend their words of wisdom before I do. I want “Granny” to be able to come back and read caring comments from a community of parents who empathize with her…

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Boy Being Slapped In Face, by Shutterstock.