Dadvice #9: Regrets On The Cry It Out Method

July 26, 2012 at 10:23 pm , by 

20 months.

It has officially been over a year now that I decided to incorporate the “cry it out” method to get my then infant son to sleep through the night.

Has it worked? Oh yes.

Do I have any regrets? Absolutely.

My regrets are that I waited until he was 7 months old. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t do it any later than at 3 months old.

But when you’re a first time parent, it’s hard to know who to listen to about whether or not to do “cry it out.”

You become instantly avalanched by blogs and books that completely disagree with each other. You have to choose a side.

Well, I ended up writing two separate blog posts on the subject to simply explain and demonstrate how it worked for me.

In the first one, Is It Wrong To Let Your Baby Cry It Out? I received this hateful comment:

On July 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

“Actually, what you have done is not teach him to sleep well, but teach him that, no matter how hard he cries, how scared and alone he feels, or what his needs may be, you will not be there for him. You have taught him to give up hope that mommy or daddy will be there for him no matter what, and to just give up trying. I see a major difference in the clinginess and dependency in kids that were let to cry it out, compared to those that were not. Kids go through stages and need us more in some then others. Congratulations!”

And then I received this condescending jewel of a comment in Getting My Infant To Sleep Through The Night.

On August 9, 2011

“Ummm infants are supposed to eat during the night. Not only because their tummies are small but preventing a super deep sleep cycle helps to prevet SiDS. The CIO method has been shown to cause distress in infants and leads to learned helplessness. It’s disappointing that parents don’t realize that having children is a sacrafice to themselves. Having children means less sleep. It’s called being a parent. I’m very disappointed in your touting crying it out. I’ve got two kids and I’m terribly tired a lot of the time but I’ll never leave my baby to CIO in a room by herself. She’s a BABY. I wish you and your wife would realize that your child is a baby and needs you.”

So what? There are extreme parents out there who think that way.

And then there are normal, down-to-Earth parents like me who didn’t traumatize their kid by using the “cry it out” method to get them to sleep through the night.

Now my son is 20 months old. I feel no guilt or shame for what I’ve done. Because he’s turned out just fine, a year later.

Other Dadvice Articles:

Dadvice #1: Why Doesn’t My Husband Help More With Baby and Chores?

Dadvice #2: My Wife Lacks Complete Desire For Post-Baby Sex

Dadvice #3: My Wife Wants Me To Be A Mind Reader!

Dadvice #4: Would You Recommend Using A Midwife?

Dadvice #5: How Is It Natural To Circumcise Your Son?

Dadvice #6: Is Circumcision Unnecessary And/Or Immoral?

Dadvice #7: A Skeptic’s Letter To Intactivists

Dadvice #8: Too Young To Medicate ADHD And Bipolar Disorder?

How Gay-Friendly Ads Affect What You Buy Your Kids

July 26, 2012 at 12:13 am , by 

20 months.

Rainbow is the new pink. Literally.

I’m not against raising money and awareness for cancer, but for the past couple of years now, I feel like I’m one of the only people willing to point out the irony of buying junk food with a pink ribbon on the package.

Yes, some of the money goes to find a cure for cancer. But also, eating junk food doesn’t help prevent cancer. Quite the opposite.

Even if it’s pop culture heresy, I’m willing to say it: Pink sells. It’s a convenient marketing strategy that most people aren’t willing to criticize.

Turns out, selling cancer awareness with the color pink has inspired a new trend that’s starting to pop up: Gay-friendly ads.

They’re perfect because they create a lot of buzz among the exact demographic they are going after:

Eighteen to 34 year-olds; most of whom are Generation Y, a group of young adults who likes to be known for being open-minded and accepting.

Sure, there are those who are personally offended by seeingJC Penney’s “Gay Dad Ad” or Kraft’s Oreo ”Rainbow Cookie” ad.

But the percentage of those who are upset enough to actually not buy the product is evidently irrelevant in comparison to all those who will either deliberately or subconsciously prefer a brand or product because of a gay-friendly ad.

Somewhere between 1% and 3% of Americans are gay; about 4 million people. But that’s enough to culturally divide the rest of us over it.

Here’s where it gets tricky. It’s gotten to the point now where it’s clearly politically incorrect to not support gay marriage.

What does gay marriage have to do with chicken? Ask thepeople banning Chick-fil-A.

The funny thing is, I can’t find where Chick-fil-A’s President Dan Cathy actually even used the phrase “gay marriage” in an interview. (Will someone please link proof of it in a comment for me?)

Yet Chick-fil-A is apparently being banned by the Muppets and the mayor of Boston, Thomas Menino, over this.

I find it extremely ironic that people are banning Chick-fil-A in the name of accepting others when they are not accepting of those who do not endorse gay marriage.

At the same time, I’m cool with gay-friendly ads. Nor do I oppose gay marriage; as recognized by the State.

But let’s be honest about what this really is.

These gay-friendly ads are a marketing strategy. That’s why more brands are using them. And they are evidently working.

What can we expect in the future? More gay-friendly ads.

Especially advertising products to parents who do the shopping for food and clothing for the household.

Will you buy your kid Oreos because you saw their rainbow ad? Kraft thinks you will. Same thing with JC Penney.

I predict that it’s only a matter of time before we see a gay-friendly diaper ad. I give it until the end of the year.

Instead of a faux denim diaper, why not a rainbow diaper?

Update since original publishing…

Here are two links that give more background on what Mr. Cathy actually said:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/26/us/gay-rights-uproar-over-chick-fil-a-widens.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/17/dan-cathy-chick-fil-a-president-anti-gay_n_1680984.html

One Million Moms Vs. The New Normal

July 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm, by 

The organization One Million Moms is calling for a boycott of the upcoming NBC drama-comedy, The New Normal, which features a woman who chooses to become a surrogate mother for a gay couple.

My question is, “Why can’t those one million moms be in control of what their kids watch in their own house?”

Coincidentally, Jim Henson, Co. and the mayor of Boston, as well as at least 4,000 people so far have signed a petition to boycott Chick-fil-A, after President Dan Cathy made a remark in an interview confirming his stance on the traditional model of marriage: one man and one woman.

(For many, that apparently translates as “our entire restaurant chain disapproves of gay marriage and homosexuals in general.”)

That’s right. Sorry, Elmo. No more Chick-fil-A for you.

These similar and yet opposite news stories remind me of a quote by Henry Steele Commager:

“The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion.”

I’ve never been a fan of censorship or boycotting anything. I’d rather let the free market decide. Because it does.

Back in March, I correctly predicted that ABC’s “GCB” wouldn’t last, as it seemed to offend the very audience it needed to survive.

It lasted 6 episodes. No one had to ban the show because mainstream America decided on their own not to watch it; whether deliberately or subconsciously, we’ll never know.

I curiously think about the best case scenarios for the boycotts endorsed by both One Million Moms and those who oppose Chick-fil-A.

If The New Normal ended up being cancelled because enough people didn’t watch it, would it change the fact that homosexuals are still raising children in the real world, whether those gay couples are “legally married” or not?

And if Chick-fil-A suffers greatly as a business because its President opposes gay marriage, will he suddenly change his religious beliefs, even going as far as to open his restaurants on Sunday in honor of same-sex parents?

Imagine the great responsibility of only being able to consume the products and receive the services of the companies and organizations who share and reflect your exact belief system in every way.

So let the people watch The New Normal. If it’s a good show that happens to feature gay parents, like Modern Family, then it will last because people will naturally watch it on their own.

And let the people eat at Chick-fil-A. I personally won’t be participating, but that’s only because I’m a vegetarian.

My Dropping Maturity Level As A Parent Of A Toddler

July 23, 2012 at 6:09 am , by 

20 months.

I’m so proud. Over the weekend someone found The Dadabase by Googling, “Is it ok for son to watch dad pee?”

I’m becoming the go-to guy for that now on the Internet.

Nice. Just call me Mr. Oversharent.

It’s inevitable that by the time your kid reaches my son’s age, you can only be so classy and sophisticated; potty humor is definitely in heavy rotation in the conversations now at our house.

By default, your maturity level as a parent of a toddler has to drop in order to do the job right.

Normally in public or on the Internet I wouldn’t use words like “pee-pee” or “poo poo” or even notice that one of those phrases sort of requires a hyphen while the other does not.

But as a parent speaking to other fellow parents, whether in private or in public, it becomes necessary to resort to these types of topics if I want to keep a natural and relevant conversation flowing.

(Yes, “flowing” was used as a pun just then.)

Beyond talking about the current color of Number One or the consistency of Number Two, I still find myself thinking like a much less mature version of myself.

Yes, I do myself a favor by trying to mentally time travel back to what my thought process was like in the early 80′s.

I have to. How else will I help my son keep himself constantly entertained?

Like actually encouraging him to play with a cup of ice water and a plastic spoon when we’re out at restaurants. It’s a great distraction for him while his parents attempt to eat.

Or during playtime at the house, telling him, “Look Jack, the chicken likes to ride on top of the pig, and the pig likes to ride on top of the cow, and the cow likes to ride on top of the horse.”

After demonstrating to my son how his plastic barnyard animal toys like to move around the farm, the way things obviously occurs in nature, Jack then repeats the moronic behavior I just taught him; animals moving across the floor like a vertical train.

Though technically, that’s not immature, it’s just plain absurd. It clearly denies gravity and physics; I’m pretty sure.

The point is this: The new version of normal once you become the parent of a toddler means you embraces potty humor and weird Willy Wonka kind of stuff.

This parenthood thing is turning into one long, strange trip. I think I see dancing bears in all the colors of the rainbow.

Never mind, that’s just my son’s coloring book.

Parents’ Day 2012: Why We Really Are(n’t) Heroes

July 22, 2012 at 3:32 pm , by 

20 months.

Watching news coverage of the Aurora shooting reminds me of what a true hero says when they are asked the cliche TV interviewer question, “Would you consider yourself a hero?”

The person always responds with, “I’m no hero. I saw someone who needed help so I helped them. No, I’m not a hero.”

When we see these stories where everyday citizens help save the lives of a strangers in the midst of an accident or a tragedy, which in this case meant pulling injured victims to safety out of the line of fire in that movie theatre, we feel gratitude knowing that there are people all around us willing to become real life heroes when the moment arises.

Just like the way a real leader doesn’t have to go around proclaiming their authority, nor does a real hero announce their deeds.

Today is Parents’ Day. (Yes, it is an actual American holiday.)

Most of us have probably never ran inside a burning building to save someone’s life. But as parents, we’re still saving someone’s life everyday.

We sacrifice a whole lot to not only keep our children alive each day (which is sort of the bare minimum goal) but are also constantly teaching them how to survive when we’re not around. And when I say “survive” I don’t just mean physically.

I also mean socially and psychologically. Without our guidance, instruction, and discipline, how would they function?

Yet, do we really consider ourselves as heroes? I sure don’t. My child needs my help so I help him. That’s it.

You can’t refuse to take care of your child because then you wouldn’t be a parent anymore.

But I say, you are a parent, and therefore, you are a hero. You are Supermom. You are Superdad.

Even if you won’t admit it.