5 Ways Tetris (On Gameboy) Symbolizes Fatherhood

3 Ways Jazz Music is Like Parenthood

March 5, 2012 at 6:43 pm , by 

15 months.

No genre of music would serve as the official soundtrack to parenthood better than jazz. Let’s get right to it so you can see what I mean. Here are 3 ways jazz music is like parenthood:

1. It is organized chaos but in the end is beautiful. Jazz nearly defies music theory, as opposed to the “same three chords” concept of rock music.

It’s not as predictable or formulaic as country or rap. In other words, jazz is organized chaos.

Similarly, parenthood contains just as much need for improv as jazz music does.

Sure, you’ve got a general plan of how you want things to go, but until you’re in the middle of it, you may end upnot actually breastfeeding or co-sleeping or using cloth diapers.

Being a parent means you organize chaos, everyday. But in the end, what you do is magnificent; even if no one is there to say it.

2. It contains a lot of incoherent babbling. Some jazz contains no singing; some contains wonderful, well thought-out lyrics. But a good amount of it contains scat singing; you know, that “doobidy-bop-bah-dah” stuff, as featured at the end of the theme song for Full House, that uses the human voice as an instrument during breaks from singing actual words.

Need I say more? My son is 15 months-old and he currently exclusively speaks in the language of Scat. I don’t anticipate that changing too much in the near future.

3. It may cause deep thoughts. When I amdriving my son to sleep, as I regularly do twice a day on the weekends, I keep the station on 89.5; the jazz station.

As my son finds himself drifting into visions of talking puppies and trees made of Cheerios and Cheddar goldfish crackers, I am also transcending into a higher state.

I think about how crazy it is that I, of all people, am I parent.

As I analyze how I’m already having to set boundaries for my son by firmly teaching him “yes” and “no” it makes me think about how God must know how I feel.

Being a dad keeps me in constant states of deep thoughts. This whole parenting thing is more than just survival of the human race.

Instead, it’s more about me becoming a better person through sacrifice of myself. It’s about sharing my moral beliefs, love of art, and wonder of the world with a soul who I helped bring into existence.

That’s pretty deep, man. Parenting will do that to you. So will jazz.

My 15 Month-Old Son’s 30 Year-Old Yellow Blazer

March 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm , by 

15 months.

Get used to seeing my son Jack in this suave, retro blazer, paired with a pumpkin-accented plaid shirt because as his dad, I’m going to get as many miles out of this outfit as I can while it still fits him.

This weekend we decided to dress him in my old jacket and shirt from when I was literally his age.

From a walk in the park to lunch at Kalamata’s Greek restaurant to a quick visit to the pet store, Jack was rockin’ the jazzy new-wave wardrobe.

Like most parents of toddlers, I am not willing to spend much money on clothes that my kid will grow out of in a few months from now.

But being that Jack’s jacket and shirt were free, because they were a gift for me three decades ago, he gets to be a baby fashion model for the time being.

In the Spring of 1981, right before I was born, my Italian great-aunt Margaret Metallo in Kenosha, Wisconsin sent my mom a yellow blazer with a “matching” shirt from Sears as a gift for her soon-to-be born bambino, Mario Eugene Shell.

Yeah, uh… that’s me. However, after I was born, my parents recognized that despite my mother being half Italian and half Mexican, I looked  ”too white” to have such an ethnic name as Mario.

So nearly 2 hours after I was born, my parents officially gave me my name: Nicholas Shane Shell.

By the time I reached adulthood, my features got darker and I finally looked more like a Mario. Though honestly, I probably look more Jewish than anything.

And now I’ve got a son who’s even whiter than I ever was: Yellow hair to match the jacket and marble blue eyes to compliment it. Honestly, Jack pulls off the yellow blazer better than I ever could.

I think it’s safe to say that jacket came before it’s time: Ultimately, it would be another 30 years for the perfect little bambino to come along to legitimately model it for the world.

You’re welcome, Sears.

5 Ways Super Mario Bros. 2 Symbolizes Fatherhood

February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm , by 

15 months.

Today’s dads often have to assume the role of a woman in order to get the job done; not to mention, many of us use vegetables as weapons… I’ll explain how in a minute.

Where did we originally learn those lessons? Super Mario Bros. 2; my favorite video game of all time.

I recently shared 5 ways the 1st Super Mario Bros. game symbolizes fatherhood and after seeing that several random strangers shared it on their Facebook walls, I felt it was vital to explain why the game’s 1988 sequel is even more relevant to fatherhood:

1. We start out helpless and clueless. Super Mario Bros. 2 begins with a door opening in the empty black sky and then you just start falling. How is not that a perfect description of what it’s like when your first kid is born?

2. We have to, at times, assume the role of a woman to get the job done. Yes, this was the Mario game where you could be the Princess and float in the air.

Sure enough, it’s no secret that as dads, we often have to force ourselves to take on roles that traditionally have been assigned to the mother; from simply diaper duty to being a full-time stay-at-home parent . Yeah, we’re still Mario most of the time, but there is no shame in playing as the Princess when we need to.

3. We are constantly going back and forth between two worlds. By using the  potion bottle, you could enter a reversed, night time version of the world where you could collect coins to earn extra lives.

Many of us dads feel like we are living in two different worlds: There’s the real world where we actually get to spend time with our families and enjoy the adventures of life. Then there’s the other world where we have to actually work to afford the real world.

4. We are fighting the “dinosaurs” of outdated stereotypes of what all dads are like. In order to complete most levels, you had to defeat an egg-spitting dinosaur named Birdo. Similarly, I feel like I’m still having to put to death the “bumbling idiot” caricatures of TV dads from the Eighties and Nineties who were lazy, clumsy, and sex-crazed/deprived.

5. We use vegetables and fruits as weapons. Okay, so we don’t literally pick up giant (assumed organic) carrots from the ground and hurl them at our enemies like we could do in the game. Nor do we become invincible when we eat enough fresh cherries.

But there’s no denying the “whole grains, plant based diet” movement that we as parents are starting to pay attention to. It’s relevant in our modern parenting society.

We are incorporating more vegetables and fruits, and less processed foods, in order to fight the enemies of cancer and disease; not only for our own health, but for our kids’ well-being also.

It’s no coincidence that the the final bad guy in the game was a giant frog who wearing a crown. The only way to defeat him and beat the game was to throw enough veggies and fruit into his mouth.

This symbolizes the way that as modern dads, we are taking a stand against the “kings” of processed foods (like Monsanto).

Super Mario Bros. 2 was more than just a trippy, off-beat video game sequel. Instead, it subconsciously taught us cryptic symbolic messages back in the Eighties when we were kids, so that we could apply that vital knowledge now in the 2010′s as dads. Pretty rad, huh?

Okay, I’ll admit- once you beat the game you realize it was all just a dream. I’ll let you decide how that symbolizes fatherhood. I’m stumped on that one.

Validation In My Kid Wanting Me To Hold Him