Nostalgia

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Boys And Their Battle Scars

January 25, 2013 at 11:57 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Nearly a month ago while I was converting your crib into a bed, you managed to make your way over to a wooden panel I had just removed and set aside on the other corner of your bedroom.

Unfortunately, your innocent curiosity led to the wooden panel falling and hitting you in the face.

It frightened you more than anything. While it didn’t leave a bruise, it did cut you.

If only you had my oily Italian skin, the cut would have been healed up already. Instead, weeks later there’s still a visible mark there.

Mommy and I have been faithfully applying aloe vera and Mederma for Kids on it.

I feel horrible that this happened to you.

The problem is, you’re a boy, and you wanted to be part of the action. You wanted to see me “build your big boy bed.”

Son, I am very sorry. Hopefully, the cut won’t become a permanent scar.

At the same time, I know I can’t shelter you from everything. You’re going to get hurt, no matter how much I try to protect you. There will always be some random way for you to get hurt; one that I just didn’t see coming.

For what it’s worth, last weekend while I was playing trains with you on the floor, you came charging at me with your closed fists up in the air.

Smack! The toy train in your right hand hit me directly in the middle of my forehead. What was a cut for a few days became slightly infected, officially making it a stubborn zit.

So right now, you and I both have noticeable red dots on our faces. They’re just our matching battle scars.

Still, if you end up not having a scar from this, it will be a big sigh of relief for me.

Not because you would be any less of a beautiful boy, but because it would serve as a reminder that ultimately you got hurt and I had something to do with it.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Honestly, Do Dads Secretly Miss Their B.C. (“Before Child”) Days?

January 20, 2013 at 11:03 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

A couple of days ago I wrote to you about why I am happier now that you are here, compared to before I was a dad: “Dads Are Happier Than Moms and Singles, Says Psychological Science.”

Today I am following up on that topic with what I believe is a necessary and relevant sequel, by asking the question: Honestly, do dads secretly miss their “B.C. days?”

In other words, do dads long for the days before their child (or children) came along?

I can only speak for myself here, but here’s how I feel about it:

Yes, I miss the days of being much less accountable and responsible as a human being in general; having more free time and having the privilege of being able to take life less seriously.

But interestingly, like I said a couple of days ago, I was missing something in my life back then.

I would say that most men (the ones I know, at least) are wired to want to be responsible enough to have a loving and caring relationship with their wife, and therefore, also to have a loving and caring relationship with their children as well.

For me personally, I equate being a faithful husband and father with the ultimate epitome of masculinity.

Do I miss the best parts about my life before I became a dad? Sure.

But I think that focusing on the best parts of how things used to be can be a foolish and dangerous thing. Instead, I know it’s important to focus on the best parts of my life now.

The thought of keeping you at bay in the dog toy section of Harris Teeter while Mommy buys groceries either seems funny and random or completely typical for a modern American dad.

To me, it’s an honor. I get to mold a young 2 year-old boy in the ways of the world. I get to teach what is “normal.”

Yes, it’s weird to let you shake a white dog toy named “Flea,” as you think he’s somehow related to Elmo.

(“It’s Elmo?!” You confusingly tried to convince yourself, despite the fact he had 6 legs.)

But if it weren’t for me in your life, who would be creating these bizarre story lines for you? That’s my job and I’m proud of it!

Tonight, after I read you Where The Wild Things Are for the 9th night in a row, I told you that I love you; as I do every night after I sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” as your lullaby. (That’s per your request, by the way.)

This was the first time you ever said “I love you” back.

I would choose the best parts of my life with you any day over the best parts of my life before you.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Dads Are Happier Than Moms and Singles, Says Psychological Science

January 18, 2013 at 11:02 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

As I sat across from you and Mommy last Sunday morning for breakfast at The Perch in Nashville, I had an epiphany for the first time since you were born:

“I am happy about my life.”

Since you arrived, Mommy and I have overcome dual unemployment; two moves; one of our cars breaking down in the middle of the 2nd move; buying a new car; the ceiling of our living room caving in; you having a febrile seizure; me almost losing my job last summer; to finally where we are today:

“Whew…”

A state of normalcy where I can finally exhale.

I don’t think most dads’ lives were as chaotic as mine when their first child was born, so perhaps I had a late start in getting to the point of coming to the realization of how happy I am about my life … as a parent.

Today as I was listening to my favorite radio station, WAY-FM, I learned about an article in USA Today called, “Are Parents Happier? Dads May Be, But Not Mom, Singles.”

I read the article which refers to new research in the journal Psychological Science and I get it; at least in my own head. No one needs to explain to me why research would show that dads are happier than single men, single women, and moms.

Here’s my explanation, as spot-on or dead-wrong as it may be:

I’ve never heard a man say, “All I’ve ever wanted was to be a dad.” Yet, I’ve definitely heard many (if not most?) women say that, in regards to becoming a parent.

While I obviously don’t speak for all or most men, I myself never longed to be a father; I just always knew I would be one.

For me, becoming a dad was something as predictable as getting a job, getting married, and getting old.

I only had generic expectations in regards to being a dad. What I didn’t have were dreamed-about expectations about how complete and meaningful my life would seem once you got here.

But that’s the thing. Honestly, I was surprised by the amount of meaning my life gained once I became a dad two years ago.

It’s like I finally mattered to the universe. Because now I matter to you.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Being Cool Enough To Get Invited To Another Child’s Birthday Party

January 16, 2013 at 11:05 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Until last Saturday, the only birthday parties you had been invited to were for either very close friends or family.

So as weird as this may sound, it was at least somewhat of a milestone as a parent to receive a birthday invitation from one of your classmates from daycare.

“Jack, do you know Joshua from your class?” I asked you.

“Yeah, he likes the trains,” you responded with no hesitation and full confidence.

So we bought 3 die cast Chuggington trains for your friend Joshua.

I didn’t even know who Joshua was, which added to the coolness factor of you being invited to his party.

“Who is this mysterious Joshua kid?” I wondered.

We arrived at The Monkey’s Treehouse, where you instantly made your way to the giant wooden train sets and began inching a train around each corner and up each ramp with careful precision.

A friendly boy with olive complected skin and black curly hair pushed a toy shopping cart by you saying, “Hi Jack.”

“Oh, that must be the Joshua,” I told Mommy. I was right.

It was his 3rd birthday. A cool, older kid wanted you at his fun birthday party at an indoor playground. Epic.

Of course, you were perfectly content hanging out at the train station the entire time, only taking a short break for birthday cake.

Trust me, I tried, but I just couldn’t get a natural shot of you and Joshua in the same picture. That’s okay, though.

Because I have a feeling that part of the reason Joshua invited you to his birthday party was that he liked you and wanted to make sure you guys officially became friends.

Kids’ birthday parties are a good venue for building relationships with not only the kids, but also the parents.

Sure enough, for the first time ever, when I picked you up from daycare today, you explained, “Joshua ate the apple.”

Yes, Joshua has now made it into your after-school conversations with me.

I like your new friend. He’s a cool kid, just like you.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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My Parents Seemed So Much Older When I Was A Kid

January 13, 2013 at 11:50 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

Sometimes I feel like I’m a little too young to be your dad; yet I’m 31.

When I was a kid, I always thought my parents were old; not in a bad way, just that they seemed like they really had a lot of life experience.

The funny thing is, when I was your age in 1983, my dad was 26 and my mom was 25.

Your Mommy and I didn’t even get married until I was 27 and she was 26!

An even stranger thought for me is that when my dad was 31, like I am now, I was 6 and my sister was 3.

Needless to say, it’s a definite challenge for me to imagine having two kids right now… ages 6 and 3. Again, you’re only 2 year right now.

I get it that there are plenty of parents out there my age with two kids, ages 6 and 3. But for me personally, I just can’t see myself in that position right now.

Of course, this goes back to the struggle Mommy and I have been talking about a lot for the past several months: Will we even have a another kid?

What this shows me is that I’m not ready for you to have a brother or sister right now. I’m just not.

Whether it means I’m selfish or not mature enough or whatever it needs to mean… it’s just where I’m at right now.

Maybe part of this is that I’m a Generation Y parent.

I look at my own parents, who didn’t need college degrees to get real jobs. They actually built their first house when they were in their very early 20′s; whereas Mommy and I live in a townhouse.

In general, my parents just never seemed to worry about the future the way I often do. They managed and survived and it never seemed like a struggle for them.

Well, I suppose you will think that Mommy and I are “old” too. We’re not, though. We’re only 29 years older than you.

While to you we may seem like we’re really in control of things, the truth is we’re just now figuring things out.

But with nearly 3 decades of life experience more than you, I can see how we make it look like we actually know what what we’re doing.

I have a feeling it was the same way for my own parents, even if it didn’t seem that way growing up.

 

Love,

Daddy