March 13, 2014 at 8:27 pm , by Nick Shell
3 years, 3 months.
I’ve always had this idea for a Saturday Night Live skit, in which a group of adults speak dialogue based on the previously recorded conversations of young children.
It could potentially be hilarious, as 3 year-old such as yourself come up with some off-the-wall stuff without even trying.
Yesterday when I picked you up from school, you informed me that before we left, you needed to pick out a prize from the treasure box, since your daily report indicated you were well-behaved and took your nap.
As we looked inside the treasure box, there were stickers, actions figures based on the KinderCare mascot, and Dum Dum lollipops.
While I’ve established myself as the most hard-core dad in a 50 mile radius when it comes to preaching the evils of kids eating petroleum-based food dyes, I give you some grace when it comes to special treats you get at school; especially when it’s a very small amount, and based on good behavior.
Last week you got to try your first Dum Dum, which was sour apple flavored: You called it “sour green.”
Yesterday you chose a brown Dum Dum. With joy, as I was carrying you out the door as we left, you proclaimed: “Daddy, maybe it’s a sour brown one!”
I couldn’t stop laughing. You didn’t know what I thought was so funny, but you joined in the laughter.
The concept of “sour brown” is… Willy Wonka-ish.
“Sour” and “brown” are such an odd match.
Seeing that you had such an open mind on the subject, I didn’t tell you which flavor the brown Dum Dum actually was; I wanted to get your natural take on it.
“Daddy, this sour brown one is peanut butter… Daddy, it doesn’t sound good. I don’t like it.”
Interesting. I could see how peanut butter could taste like root beer, to a 3 year-old.
However, you weren’t completely convinced that the brown Dum Dum was actually sour brown or peanut butter, so you asked me to be sure.
I figured that trying to explain to you what root beer was would be too confusing, so I just told you it was soda flavored. Your response:
“Daddy, soda isn’t healthy. I don’t like the way it sounds.”
I now realize you haven’t learned the word “tastes” yet; you use “sounds” instead.
So basically, when it’s all said and done, sour brown is the new peanut butter, and you don’t like the way that sounds.