December 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm , by Nick Shell

13 months.

There are countless songs which lightly use the word “crazy” as an exaggeration of how a person feels. But there are remarkably less songs out there where the singer is actually insane or headed in that direction. Today, I want to celebrate three of those songs.

Why? Because now that I’m 13 months into raising a kid, I’m finding more and more that I’m less and less of who I used to be. I’m becoming this much more mature and serious guy who has flashbacks of myself back when I was a “normal guy,” before I became a dad.

All this continual changing in my life, along with the constant need for on-the-spot decision-making has led me to become an arguably less likeable guy, in some ways. Maybe I’m not as fun as I used to be- I don’t know.

I’ve been forced to morph into this person who knows that at any minute his son’s daycare could call, saying his son has a fever. That means, I have to miss work (a commission-based sales job) to pick him up though he’s not even sick; he sometimes just gets a fever as he’s teething.

Yeah, that sort of makes me a little bit of a zombie; constantly on but never really able to focus on real life. Then again, having to miss work because your son has a fever is more “real life” than working a necessary job.

It’s such a trying balance in life. Seriously, I used to be normal. I used to not have to worry about stuff. But this is parenthood and this is my version of normal now.

Here are three songs that I can relate to, now more than ever:

1. “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not actually crazy; this song helps.

“It makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I’ve lost my mind
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell”

2. “Who Can It Be Now?” by Men At Work. Here’s another denial at my lack of sanity; or at least my perception of it.

“I’ll be trapped, and here I’ll have to stay.
I’ve done no harm, I keep to myself;
There’s nothing wrong with my state of mental health.
I like it here with my childhood friend;
Here they come, those feelings again!”

3. “I’m Shakin’” by Rooney. For the fact that this song asks the question, “What is normal?” makes me feel good. After all, asking that exact question happens a lot in parenting.

“I’ve forgotten what it feels like to feel normal
To be normal
I’ve forgotten what food tastes like
What is normal?”