child abuse

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

Advice For “Granny,” Whose Grandchild Is Slapped In The Face

January 7, 2013 at 11:40 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

There are certain parenting topics that seem to go unnoticed and “un-commented on” when I first write about them, but over the span of several months or a year, they prove to be relevant discussion material in the blogosphere.

Basically, they become more popular in syndication than they ever did when they were first published. When they were still fresh, they didn’t know what it was like to be re-Tweeted on Twitter or to get “liked” on Facebook, but they continue to convince readers to respond in the long run.

I can think of no better example than “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?,” which I published on June 10, 2012, when you were a year and a half.

(Click on the blue letters in the sentence above, to read the original post.)

Here’s an excerpt:

 

“I wonder, as a Generation Y American dad, am I preconditioned to believe that slapping my child in the face is taboo? Or is this type of punishment truly as legitimate as spanking a child on their bum?

I am simply hosting this conversation. I would like for you (readers of The Dadabase)  to point out the double standards, both in favor and against including face-slapping in the same category as spanking.

Do you consider slapping a child in the face morally wrong, yet believe spanking your child’s buttocks is acceptable?

Why is a slap in the face somehow worse? Is it more psychologically damaging than spanking?“

 

While “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?” has received 39 comments as of today, there is one recent comment that particularly intrigues me.

An anonymous reader who calls herself “Granny” left the 34th comment. This is the abridged (for time’s sake) version:

 

“I witnessed our grandson slapped very hard across the face for talking back to his mother. The only words I heard him say very softly, not rudely and with no sharpness to his tone was “I don’t care.” Our daughter immediately yelled (screamed at him) and slapped him very hard…

My heart hurt so much for my grandson so I talked to him privately later about it. He admitted his mother has slapped him before several times. It was so obvious it hurt him terribly and he felt so humiliated. While I was telling him what a great child he was and hitting a child across the face hard is so terribly wrong, he wouldn’t look at me and became very sad and withdrawn only looking out the window. My heart bleeds for him and I don’t know what to do…

His mother has anger issues and had to go through so much as a teen (2 family member deaths, abandoned by father, plus other issues, but she was never a problem). Apparently, things are much worse than I ever imagined with her anger issues. I don’t know if my son-in-law supports this punishment or if I should talk with him.

Please advise how I should handle for my grandson’s welfare and also his mother’s problems.“

 

After reading this comment, it was one of those times as a parent where I just didn’t know what to say. “Granny” is asking for help, and fortunately, some fellow readers have begun leaving comments giving her some encouraging advice.

Sure, I’ve given plenty of “dadvice” before here on The Dadabase when a reader like “Granny” specifically asks for it, but this is a special and delicate case, I feel.

It’s just one of those issues where I’d rather not be the first parent to give advice.

So as for advising “Granny,” I’d prefer other parents lend their words of wisdom before I do. I want “Granny” to be able to come back and read caring comments from a community of parents who empathize with her…

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Boy Being Slapped In Face, by Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?

June 10, 2012 at 7:34 pm , by 

A year and a half.

Back in February when I was doing some research as I wrote “4 Out Of 5 Parents Spank Their Kids” I read that slapping a child in the face can be considering a form of spanking.

I was never slapped in the face by my parents, nor could I ever imagine doing that to my son. To deem a face slap as a form of discipline seems illegitimate to me.

But is it because of the age and culture I am a part of?

The premium TV show Mad Menalways does a good job of pointing out situations that are largely considered taboo today, but back in the 1960′s when the show takes place, were considered normal and acceptable.

I have noticed that in this show, children get slapped in the face as a form of discipline and punishment; sometimes even by an adult who is not the child’s parent. And therefore, we are led to believe this was okay for 1963.

Meanwhile, my wife knows a man who, without shame, admitted he slaps his children to discipline them. He is not from America.

So I wonder, as a Generation Y American dad, am I preconditioned to believe that slapping my child in the face is taboo? Or is this type of punishment truly as legitimate as spanking a child on their bum?

I am simply hosting this conversation. I would like for you to point out the double standards, both in favor and against including face-slapping in the same category as spanking.

Do you consider slapping a child in the face morally wrong, yet believe spanking your child’s buttocks is acceptable?

Why is a slap in the face somehow worse? Is it more psychologically damaging than spanking?

Does it make a difference whether or not it leaves a physical mark the next day? Is that what is considered crossing the line?

Why is there more of a taboo on face-slapping?

Why are you more likely to see a parent spank their child in public than slap them in the face? Is it because less parents slap their kids in the face or is it because those parents know they would be confronted by another adult?

If you witnessed a parent slapping their child in the face in public, would you do or say anything to them about it? (Imagine this being an episode of that show What Would You Do?)

Okay, go…