parenting

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

The Peculiar And Impractical Tradition Of Tithing 10%

January 8, 2013 at 11:13 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

A week ago when I published “5 Impractical Ways To Save Your Family Money In 2013,” I intentionally left off one crucial way that I believe our family saves money. Maybe it’s not so much about it saving us money, as much as it helps us manage our budget with even more discipline and focus.

In fact, out of the 5 impractical ways I listed, I see this “6th way” as not only undeniably impractical, but the most important, for our family, at least:

We tithe.

For us, that means we give 10% of our paychecks to our church. From there, a lot of that money goes to helping people not only in our area, but all over the world.

Of course, that 10% of our income isn’t the only money we give to help others, because we help financially support other non-profit organizations that help people too.

But right off the top of every paycheck, we know that 10% of it goes to our church, which in turn helps other people.

I should be clear about something: It’s not that we have a 10% excess in our income. Not at all. Instead, we build our budget around the 10% we tithe.

(That might help explain why we can’t afford cable or satellite TV, or Internet on our phones, or eating out, or updating our electronics… which I pointed out in 5 Impractical Ways To Save Your Family Money In 2013.)

Financial guru Dave Ramsey, who includes tithing as part of his teaching, puts it this way:

“If you cannot live off 90% of your income, then you cannot live off 100%.”

If this can make any sense, we can’t afford not to tithe.

We believe that God will bless our family’s efforts as we acknowledge that what we have is not ours to begin with; instead, everything we have is what God has given to us.

So to “give back” 10%, technically isn’t giving back.

But I believe a lot of the importance of tithing has to do with the mindset it puts a family in. In the likeness of feng shui, tithing constantly keeps us mindful of where each dollar we earn goes.

Just like the importance of having a solid weekly budget on Excel, tithing helps us tell our money where to go, before it can tell us where to go.

Therefore, I think tithing is even a good idea for families who don’t go to church, as well as, those who aren’t particularly religious at all.

I would venture to say that a family who always gives at least 10% of their income to, at least, a charity that helps the needy, even if it’s not through a religious organization, is still going to find that they manage their money better than before they started promising to give away 10% of their income.

Sure, giving away 10% of every paycheck is pretty extreme and not necessarily normal.

But I suppose for a family who doesn’t pay for cable or satellite TV, or Internet on our phones, or for the fact we don’t really dine out, or update our electronics, I guess it’s not really that much of a shock that we automatically give away 10% of our income.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Giving Offering Sharing Blessing Background, Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

Advice For “Granny,” Whose Grandchild Is Slapped In The Face

January 7, 2013 at 11:40 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

There are certain parenting topics that seem to go unnoticed and “un-commented on” when I first write about them, but over the span of several months or a year, they prove to be relevant discussion material in the blogosphere.

Basically, they become more popular in syndication than they ever did when they were first published. When they were still fresh, they didn’t know what it was like to be re-Tweeted on Twitter or to get “liked” on Facebook, but they continue to convince readers to respond in the long run.

I can think of no better example than “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?,” which I published on June 10, 2012, when you were a year and a half.

(Click on the blue letters in the sentence above, to read the original post.)

Here’s an excerpt:

 

“I wonder, as a Generation Y American dad, am I preconditioned to believe that slapping my child in the face is taboo? Or is this type of punishment truly as legitimate as spanking a child on their bum?

I am simply hosting this conversation. I would like for you (readers of The Dadabase)  to point out the double standards, both in favor and against including face-slapping in the same category as spanking.

Do you consider slapping a child in the face morally wrong, yet believe spanking your child’s buttocks is acceptable?

Why is a slap in the face somehow worse? Is it more psychologically damaging than spanking?“

 

While “A Slap In The Face: Child Abuse Or Discipline?” has received 39 comments as of today, there is one recent comment that particularly intrigues me.

An anonymous reader who calls herself “Granny” left the 34th comment. This is the abridged (for time’s sake) version:

 

“I witnessed our grandson slapped very hard across the face for talking back to his mother. The only words I heard him say very softly, not rudely and with no sharpness to his tone was “I don’t care.” Our daughter immediately yelled (screamed at him) and slapped him very hard…

My heart hurt so much for my grandson so I talked to him privately later about it. He admitted his mother has slapped him before several times. It was so obvious it hurt him terribly and he felt so humiliated. While I was telling him what a great child he was and hitting a child across the face hard is so terribly wrong, he wouldn’t look at me and became very sad and withdrawn only looking out the window. My heart bleeds for him and I don’t know what to do…

His mother has anger issues and had to go through so much as a teen (2 family member deaths, abandoned by father, plus other issues, but she was never a problem). Apparently, things are much worse than I ever imagined with her anger issues. I don’t know if my son-in-law supports this punishment or if I should talk with him.

Please advise how I should handle for my grandson’s welfare and also his mother’s problems.“

 

After reading this comment, it was one of those times as a parent where I just didn’t know what to say. “Granny” is asking for help, and fortunately, some fellow readers have begun leaving comments giving her some encouraging advice.

Sure, I’ve given plenty of “dadvice” before here on The Dadabase when a reader like “Granny” specifically asks for it, but this is a special and delicate case, I feel.

It’s just one of those issues where I’d rather not be the first parent to give advice.

So as for advising “Granny,” I’d prefer other parents lend their words of wisdom before I do. I want “Granny” to be able to come back and read caring comments from a community of parents who empathize with her…

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo: Boy Being Slapped In Face, by Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Notice To Parents: Play-Doh Contains Wheat (It’s Not Gluten-Free… Yet)

January 6, 2013 at 10:53 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

Our family has been vegetarian for over a year now, and to be honest, going over 12 months without meat has been no sacrifice.

We get our protein from beans, seeds, green vegetables, nuts, dairy products, and whole grains.

And when I say “whole grains,” I’m mainly referring to wheat; in other words… the now-stigmatized “gluten.”

Most of our meals are Italian or Mexican inspired, relying on whole-grain pasta or bread of some sort. While we’ve consumed zero meat products since December 2012, we’ve eaten our fair share of gluten.

Fortunately, gluten is not an allergen for our family. However, there is a marketable demographic in America who does have some sort of allergic reaction to gluten foods, including wheat.

Here recently, I’ve even noticed how the phrase “gluten-free” has become a marketing tool. (At least it’s not as illegitimate and misleading in the way that often pink ribbons are marketed to sell products that are actually linked to promoting cancer and disease.)

For example, I’ve seen “gluten-free” on the package of a 2 liter bottle of soda; as if the massive amount of refined sugar wasn’t a health issue.

America’s awareness of gluten has become so high that now Play-Doh has evidently felt liable to address it on their packaging in huge all-caps:

“NOTICE TO PARENTS: CONTAINS WHEAT.”

In a smaller font, an additional warning reads, “Fun to play with, but not to eat.”

So while it’s common knowledge that Play-Doh is a toy, not a food, Hasbro has to play it safe with their product, beyond it being non-toxic.

Now, they have to indirectly address the fact that it’s not gluten free; in the event a child with a gluten allergy eats the stuff.

It makes me wonder, is there a market for gluten-free Play-Doh? The answer is yes; I know this because I Googled it.

However, none of the products available were actually Play-Doh products. Instead, they are made by companies that not many people have heard of… yet.

I’m really curious if Hasbro (who makes Play-Doh) will decide to claim their share of the gluten-free Play-Doh market…

Honestly, I don’t know what’s funnier: The fact that Play-Doh has a warning on their product that it contains wheat, or imagining in the near future seeing an advertisement for gluten-free Play-Doh, though Play-Doh is technically a toy, not a food.

Either way, I’m convinced there is a marketing team at the Hasbro headquarters in Pawtucket, Rhode Island that has already at least one meeting about gluten-free Play-Doh.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Microwaves Are A Dangerous Science Experiment On Our Bodies

January 5, 2013 at 11:36 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

As you are well aware by now, you have a health-obsessed, mountain-bike-riding-during-his-lunch-break vegetarian for a dad, who is attempting to make it taboo for food and drug companies to  be shy about what they generically list as “natural” and/or “artificial” ingredients.

I’m still trying to figure out what in this world is not either natural or artificial…

Pretty sneaky, right? Well, the FDA approves this ridiculous behavior in regards to companies listing their products’ “ingredients of ingredients.”

So while I am so “one with nature” that I chose the wooded outdoors as the location for my head shot forThe Dadabase, I also want our family to be aware of other subtle “health landmines” we encounter everyday without realizing it.

Today I want to focus on microwaves; as they are machines that convert even the healthiest foods into processed foods.

Neither Mommy nor I trust them. Yes, we have one at our house, but it’s something we subconsciously feel shameful about.

Fortunately, because we are so serious about avoiding processed foods, that prevents us from eating anything that would require its sole preparation in a microwave; like a frozen snack or meal, for example.

For the frozen vegetables we sometimes eat, like broccoli and okra, we heat them up in a pan on the stove, with olive oil.

As explained in this 2 minute video by Organic Liaison Health Director Deborah Klein, MS, RD, microwaving creates radiolytic compounds in food (not naturally produced in the body) that could be carcinogenic, or cancer-causing:

In other words, no matter how healthy or organic a food is before it enters a microwave, it always becomes a processed food by the time it leaves the microwave.

I wish I could say we never use microwave. It’s something to aspire towards. As for now, we only use our microwave to reheat leftovers, which unfortunately for me, is about once a daily since I eat leftovers basically everyday for lunch.

Something I do to reduce the amount of time my food goes in the microwave is I set it out on the counter for a while, so it’s not as cold.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll get so serious about this “Microwaves Are A Dangerous Science Experiment On Our Bodies” campaign that I will find a way to start using a toaster oven, despite our time-starved family schedule. Don’t put it past me.

My conscience really bothers me about our family using a microwave. It can’t be good for any of us; especially not you.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

Book Review Of The Circumcision Decision: An Unbiased Guide For Parents

January 5, 2013 at 12:09 am , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I believe if there is any change I feel I need to make in my life, I need to make that change no matter what day it is, as long as that day is still “today.”

However, it just so happens that around January 1st of 2013, I officially decided I want to make a point to stop participating in the polarization of America.

To quote Jimmy in one of my favorite movies,That Thing You Do, “I….. I quit. I quit. I quit…”.

In other words, I am choosing to see both Democrats and Republicans as good people.

I am rejecting the belief that “the other side” is completely irrational and/or evil, no matter how extreme or overzealous I am conditioned to believe they are, thanks in part to pseudo news channels like CNN and Fox News.

That goes for whatever “the other side” happens to be, not just political affiliations: pro-life vs. pro-choice, pro-gay marriage vs. anti-gay marriage, attachment parenting vs. supporters of the “cry it out” method, gun control reform vs. no gun control reform…

Basically, on all of these controversial issues, the side I am now on is technically… neither. Because I now publicly associate with the third party in favor of removing the “vs.” between the two polarizing sides.

Granted, I still have my personal opinions of how I feel about these polarizing topics, but I am much more interested in attempting to help tone down the collective angst regarding all the controversial issues that divide America.

I am tired of adding to the noise of two extremely polarized camps preaching to their own choirs.

With that being said, I was pretty skeptical a couple of months ago when I was approached by Susan Terkel, one of the authors of the then-upcoming book, The Circumcision Decision: An Unbiased Guide for Parents.

Knowing that my collection of blog posts on circumcision had put me in the hot seat with dozens of my readers, on several occasions, I had officially decided to retire from ever writing about circumcision again.

Then I received a preview copy of The Circumcision Decision in the mail. After reading it, I decided I actually wanted to participate in promoting the book, as much as possible.

In fact, I was so passionate about this book that the authors asked me to write a blurb for it, which is printed on the very first page, as well as, the back cover of the book:

“With grace, wisdom, and class, The Circumcision Decision impressively presents both sides of the story in such a balanced narrative, that some of us who have already made up our minds beforehand may now find ourselves challenged by the flip side.”

I proudly associate my name with The Circumcision Decision and am pleased to announce it was nominated as a 2012 finalist for the Books For A Better Life Award: Childcare/Parenting.

This book, which is now officially published and available for sale on its website, is the perfect answer to the circumcision controversy and, more importantly, to any soon-to-be parents of a son who are trying to best educate themselves on deciding whether to circumcise their son, or to leave him intact.

My guess is, no matter which side of the circumcision decision a parent lands, reading this book will simply give them the courage, confidence, and closure on how they honestly personally feel about circumcision to begin with.

 

Love,

Daddy